Be Your Own Anchor

What gets you out of bed in the morning?
For me it's various things; having to pay rent on this house that I like so much takes prominent place on that list, making sure my son has food and clothes and an education, wanting to know what happened next...
On those days when my arm aches from so much typing, when I just want to blow it off and binge watch TV; those are the things that help me to find a way to keep going. Also I love my job.
I love my life.
When I hear people say things like, "I have nothing to live for", it really seriously kills my vibe.
And it reminds me of that time when Scott  was down, about to lose his cool and couldn't find a way to make it stop. Mama McCall stepped in and said to him;

Mama McCall is my spirit animal. She's the mother I want to be when I grow up. She always seems to know the right thing to say in any given situation. I never do.
One of my family members is going through it right now and as I was walking to the bus stop with my son, I was thinking about anchors, and how he maybe doesn't have one. This person, lost his mother young and has no children. Maybe he doesn't have that person to hold him down.
I know that my son has been an anchor for me ever since he was conceived. I remember at my mother's funeral, we were standing in the receiving line and he was upset. And then he looks around and sees that everyone is being hugged. So he turns around in my arms and reaches out to the next person in the condolence line and hugs them. Everyone laughed. It was a light moment at a dark time. He's always been able to provide that, even without his knowledge.
What happens when you don't have that? When Scott broke up with Alison who was the one keeping him grounded, keeping his feet on the ground, keeping him from setting adrift on memory bliss (R.I.P P.M. Dawn); then his mother stepped in and told him to Be His Own Anchor.

The world is hard and sometimes we feel like shit; like maybe it isn't worth living. Like there's no reason to wake up in the morning.
No body.
No passion.
No thing.
But the thing with anchors is, they can be anything; all it has to do is give you a reason. A reason to want to see tomorrow. Even if it's temporarily. Just until you find that permanent one.
For me for example, I remember that the next installment of +Harry Potter was a reason to keep going ever since I found the first, second and third one in the British Council library. I had to wait for +JK Rowling  to write the next one, and then the next after that, and the one after that...It was a reason to live. And then I discovered Outlander in one of those pop up bookshops and here I am, eagerly awaiting book nine. Praying for Diana Gabaldon on the daily that she doesn't die before I read about Jamie and Claire's reunion with Brianna and Roger and their kids. I'm also eagerly awaiting October 14th, the day after +Supernatural season 12 debuts so I can find out how Dean reacted to having his mother back.
It's been a difficult 2015-2016 by all accounts. These things give me reasons to be happy. To look forward to life and living.

Everyone can find their own thing that can do the same for them. A reason to keep going when life sucks balls. In the meantime, listen to mama McCall...

BroadMindedNess Isn't Just For Hippies

Earlier today when we went to get food, we came back on this matatu blasting...a sermon. Now I was pissed because we're not all Christians so why should we all be forced to listen to a sermon just because we wanna get home? It's the same as when people put on 'vernacular' (Kikuyu) stations...just ugh.

Anyway...so the pastor was going on about "If you have prayed for a marriage, do you also long for the spirit? If you have asked for money, have you also asked for God to do something or other? or some shit like that. Apparently you can't have one without the other.

Pastors.

Always with the quid pro quos.

p.s. How come pastors only talk about people praying for money and/or marriage? Do people not want anything else?

Y'all some unimaginative fuckers.

Here's something imaginative for you.

Pronoun has book pages for all my books. It's very exciting.

Between Death and Heaven

Child of Destiny

R.I.P

Single Motherhood Unplugged

Speaking of inappropriate (was I?) my son and I had the most bizarre conversations of our career yesterday. Regarding hand jobs...

Yep. I did not misspell that.

See he was telling me about some guy in his school acting like a twink and so the other guys asked him if he was gay. And he said, "Ain't no pleasure a girl can give you that a guy can't."

So anyway, apparently this statement made my son real mad because...reasons.

And I'm like, "From a purely practical standpoint he's probably right about that. I mean if we're gonna get crude about it, guys probably know more about giving hand jobs than girls do."

At that point I was fired from parenthood so...

I think it's because I'm practically a shut in? My filter is broken.

Enjoy the books!

Story Envy

So I was reading this story on archive, about a boy who nobody remembers. Now when I'm reading a book and it's exceptionally good, I get this feeling in my chest of awe or respect. Not really sure how to describe it.
When I'm reading fanfiction and it's exceptionally good writing, I just get envious. Like seriously, why don't I have those skills? It's crazy.
I don't want to be envious. I don't like ugly emotions. But I can't help myself.
So this story about this boy who nobody remembered five minutes after he is out of sight; it was really good. But I don't recommend it. The reason I don't recommend it is that even if you're a writer, it won't make you jealous.
It will traumatise you.

You know those stories which grab you and pull you so deep into someone's mind set that you become that person? So much so that you feel like what's happening to that person is happening to you? That story was like that. It was not a happy ending. In fact, it was a regular Charlie Foxtrot. (I just figured out what that is!)
Well anyway, as writers I believe that's what we're all aiming for. To make the reader care excessively about the characters, so much so that they manage to totally escape their own lives and catapult into the universe you've created.
If this is at all something that's happened to you while reading any of my books, please do let me know.
Like...seriously.

It's father's day today. So I'm gonna tell you guys about 'The Bulitia Story' also known as Requiscant in Pace. Bulitia was my dad, and the main character in this novella is named after him. They share a lot in common; strength, resilience, fortitude, cunning...but my dad was never a slave and he wasn't put on a ship or nothing. I don't know about his encounters with the supernatural. One time, we were watching football; I think it was Euro20whatever, and it was Greece vs. Italy or something. In any case, Greece was the underdog.

Well as usual, my dad had fallen asleep on the chair and I think we woke him up talking about how Greece was going to be slaughtered. And he got up to go to bed and said "You know what? As long as my fist is closed, Greece is going to win the match."
And we were like, "Sure Daddy. That's going to happen."
Guess what happened.
Greece won.
It was the freakiest thing.
Maybe dads are all prophetic? I don't know.
Ali was. About his boxing.
I'm just gonna put that under the 'mysteries' box and get on with my life.
I have a BDSM story to write so I'm gonna get on that.
I really don't get how pain is pleasurable though.

http://bit.ly/RIPbookpage

Let Me Educate You

I don't care about +Gigi Hadid and/or +Zayn Malik. Like seriously, not even a little bit. But +E! News keeps acting like I care whether they're together or not and giving me updates on what's happening. I can't help knowing. So apparently Gigi wants to be an excellent girlfriend but Zayn is acting all uncommunicative and shit. "Her friends are telling her to leave him alone", but Gigi wants to get back with him if he would just behave.

 In spite of She's Just Not That Into You (or was it he?) we still insist on telling ourselves stories don't we? We like to tell ourselves that these guys are misunderstood, or they don't know what they're doing or they just need someone to love them enough or they're sad. Whatever pathetic story you need to tell yourself to justify hanging on to some guy who is treating you like shit, who knows he's treating you like shit. And doesn't care because treating you like shit works. It keeps you on your toes, always looking for ways to please him; to find +DJ Khaled's magic key to happiness if only you just persist. If only you don't abandon him to the cruel world which has made him like he is. If you just persevere.

Do you mind if I laugh?
Just a little bit, not a lot.
Now back to Zayn Malik. He's a bad boy. The genuine article. Not a +Chris Brown bad boy who is really just an immature gentleman with no impulse control and a bevy of women willing to throw themselves at him. No.
That kind of boy just needs a strong woman who will take away his phone, tell him to shut up, sit down and behave.
Nor is he a bad boy like +Columbus Short who is just really some guy with mental health issues and poor decision making abilities.
No.
Zayn Malik is the real thing. He chooses the girl because she's 'nice', she wants to be needed, she wants to be loved. And then he pullllaaaayyys her like a violin. He does this thing where when he's present, he's super attentive, he holds her hand, he introduces her to his friends, he makes her believe she's the only one he can talk to about his troubles. He lays his head on her breast and lets her comfort him...
Then he fails to return her texts. He disappears for days at a time or weeks, or months. He goes quiet.
She's left anxious.
What's wrong?
What did I do?
What can I do to make it better?
While he sits and watches her anxiety levels ratchet up; just waiting for the right time to swoop in and be the perfect boyfriend again.

It's all you making a hundred percent of the effort, a hundred percent of the time. And you don't even realize it because you're too busy wondering what you did wrong.
Listen to me.
I'm a savage.
The real deal.
So I know how these minds work.
I watch them, I shake my head and I move on.
But then I realized recently that just because I learned how bad boys operate doesn't mean that everyone does. Some people still go on believing in these games waay into middle age.
I write romance stories; and when I can, I try to make the guy as realistic as possible. Leo is a guy you can meet in the streets. He's flawed, he's immature, he's selfish...but that's not all there is.
It's maybe possible to connect for real with the bad boy.
But only if you don't play his games.
Ask Mya.

The irony is that you can only win if you don't play and you can't play at not playing. You honestly have to mean it. You can't pretend disinterest, you actually have to be disinterested. It's the bitter irony of dealing with bad boys. You can't win, unless you actually don't want to play.
My suggestion is, be happy and stick to your weight class. If you're a nice girl, look for a nice boy who will treat you right, always remember your birthday and want to meet your mama.
Leave the bad ones to Erykah Badu. She knows when to call Tyrone.

Musings From An African Citizen of the World

Just watched the Work video and marveling how that song is just not dying. I'm so proud of my girl +Rihanna . Anti is slaying, as it should. All hail the queen.

Detailed analysis of why #Anti is the music you didn't know you needed in your life is fodder for it's own post. This one is a bit darker and probably a whole lot more depressing. Do you read Katie Hopkins? She writes for the daily mail. I don't. But my sister tagged me in an article she wrote about Harambe (correct spelling: Harambee) and how his gorilla DNA was much more helpful to the world than the child's undoubtedly tainted one. Now we were all sitting on our high horses judging his mother at the time for letting the kid escape so I didn't really think anything of it. Then I read the article that you can see by clicking on her name and I realised that she was just another bigot. 

According to Katie, this isn't at all true. She teaches her kids that we are in fact, not equal.

The thing is I get prejudice. I get feeling superior to others. I do it all the time....

Yes.

I do in fact think I'm better than you.

(Is there intelligent life on earth?Yes but I'm only visiting)

 Not just me as a person, but Africans as a whole. I feel like we're stronger, more resilient, beautiful with or without make up and right into old age. No need for face lifts, nose jobs, or lipstick to feel fierce. We woke up like this. We're slaying. We're intelligent. We're taking over the world one person at a time. We're super confident, we have good hair, we have good genes, we're self aware, we respect the earth. Ain't nobody got nothin' on us. 

I'm not ashamed of it. I'm not ashamed that I feel like I'm better than you.

So if Katie Hopkins wants to get her Aryan master race on that's fine.

Where we part ways is when she takes her so called superiority and use it as a tool to bludgeon others with it. Put other people down; become toxic and negative. Promote hatred. That is when I begin to wonder at this so called superiority her kind like to peddle. Katie Hopkins, +Piers Morgan +Donald Trump  thee house slave +Wendy Williams. Their philosophies are based on putting other people down: on making other people feel as bad about themselves as they probably do. It's ill mannered, it's unkind; It makes me think that their so called master race tendencies are based on fear and a sense of inferiority rather than a genuine belief that they're better than everyone else.

It was the undocumented immigrant valedictorian from Texas who actually brought this to mind. I saw her on CNN and then ran across an instagram post featuring her. The comments under the post...man. Talk about jealousy and envy. People writing about how she must have been helped to get that 4.59 GPA and she 'stole' the scholarship from someone more deserving and blah blah how dare she blah blah throwing it in our faces...It struck me about how unhappy people love to spread their unhappiness.

 Katie Hopkins and Piers Morgan write for the daily mail. This cannot be anyone's goal in life. Tabloid is too good a term for that rag. It must be so depressing to have your opinions only good enough for that. Especially when you once had a show on +CNN . Poor baby; life must really suck for you Piers.

And Donald Trump...people justify his opinions by saying he's a billionaire so he must know what he's talking about. They justify all the stupid things he says by saying 'but he has money'. Money is the greatest blindfold of them all huh? If someone has money they must also be intelligent. Never mind how they got the money. As long as they have it. It's what holds us back in this here country. Looking up to the guys with (stolen) money. Anyway, back to the Donald and let's do a tiny comparative analysis with +Steve Jobs. When Steve Jobs was at +Apple; profit. When Steve Jobs isn't at Apple; loss. Now Donald Trump; how many times has he filed for bankruptcy? How many times has he been sued for defrauding people of their money? How much money did he inherit? How much has he grown what he did inherit? He seems to lurch from one lawsuit to another, filing for bankruptcy and fighting with women he deems 'ugly'...seeing as how he's such a prize *Crowley voice*.

I almost hope that the Donald wins. If this is what America really wants then they absolutely one hundred percent deserve him. There has never been a better time for the rest of the world to not be affected by what happens in the U.S of A. So if they want to ruin their country, their economy, their reputation and their future by electing this man as president, they should go right ahead. As Africa we look more to the East than the West right now for trade and development and more and more, we are looking towards each other. Europe has +Angela Merkel. She's ready to take over as supreme leader of the universe and do a much better job of it than anyone else has in a long while. So let's do this!
I will be saying I told you so though.

n.b.
A gay nightclub in Orlando Florida was shot up and the death toll keeps rising. I understand it's at 59 now. The motive of the shooting is unknown because the gunman is dead. According to the Donald it's ISIS doing and he and Stacey Dash are talking about how it would not have gone unanswered in 'his regime' which is pretty ironic because he's one of the people who have given permission for hate to flourish. It's okay for America to Hate Again. These are the consequences. And who would he 'answer' to anyway? The gunman is dead so?
I personally was touched by one guy who was in the bathroom texting his mommy about how he was about to die. That is the nightmare text that keeps my phone on all night if my son is out of the house. That's the only thing I fear in this life. A text that tells me my son is never coming home again. I don't know what that mother did. I expect she got up and went to the club to see if she could rescue him/ offer herself in his place/ bludgeon the gunman to death...those would have been my actions anyway. And if I was too late to do any of those I would have hunted down his entire family and killed them all. I kid you not. R.I.P to all those random victims of someone's unhappiness.
When will it stop?

There Are Various Ways To Be Sick

I feel like somebody gave me a severe beating. My neck muscles hurt, my arms hurt, my back hurts and my ribs hurt. My non-six pack feels...uncompromising. You'll never guess what brought me to this low.
See day before yesterday I got some craving for some iron in my system so I went out and bought some liver, fried it up and ate it with some Ugali and Sukuma Wiki. Sounds delish huh? I thought so. Ate too much. I know I did. I was still hangover cooking for two from my son being home on Sunday. Anyway...

So I continue with my work, watching CNN which has somehow become the default channel in my house; when I start to feel nauseous. Now my usual M.O for dealing with sickness is to ignore it and hope that by doing so, I can trick it into going away. Don't look at me like that. Sometimes it works.
This time though, it didn't. When I started throwing up, I didn't stop until morning. It was just on and on and on until there was nothing left to throw up but bile. I experienced mass reflex. Liver is banned from my menu forever.

When I woke up next morning I didn't eat, didn't drink, didn't do shit but lie in my bed all day to make sure that shit was gone.I hate vomiting. I loathe nausea. It's one of them main reasons I want to punch people in the throat when they tell me to have another child. You have another child. I have a puppy. A puppy doesn't make you throw up for nine months, or keep you up for the next two years all night breastfeeding, or bite your breasts, or cry, or talk. Basically all you have to do with a puppy is feed it once a day and wash it fortnightly. There. is. no. contest. Puppy wins by a landslide. Love you Chris.

Speaking of things that are nauseous, how about that +Donald Trump guy huh? Hail Hydra! Some vapid blonde was trying to argue his case with me on +Facebook. Here's a tip for free, if you have to twist what a guy is doing to make it seem palatable to normal people, you're the one with the huge problem. Still, the man has no shortage of supporters. +Piers Morgan for one. God it hurts to even say his name. He's such a fool. Like seriously, all the lights are off. How dare he put +Muhammad Ali  and Donald Trump in the same sentence? How dare he compare them? Seriously? Muhammad Ali said more inflammatory things? Yeah he did; he lived in the sixties. When segregation was still a thing. He was trying to set his people free. How dare anyone compare that to the hate Donald Trump spews? To his racism? God, it makes me so mad; I could punch him. That man is such an attention whore that it really doesn't matter what kind of attention he gets. He'll eat it up. That's why the only way to deal with him is to turn your back on his stupid, retarded ass and ignore him. That's what I'm gonna do. My blood pressure demands it.

Oh yeah, Muhammad Ali died. I'm happy for him because I do believe that he went to a better place. A place where his voice is loud again and he can trash talk everyone, come up with new rhymes and just all round continue to slay. I'm sure seventy two virgins are waiting and the original Mohamed will be on hand to give him a high five for a job well done.
It's also +Prince Rogers Nelson's birthday this week. Happy 58th birthday to you! Did you see that +Madonna . tribute? I mean...

So I went to the pharmacy today to get some pain killers for my muscles so I can at least function halfway to normal. The guy gave me a pack of ten. I asked if I need all of them. He said yes. I'm a pharm tech. I know that unless one has chronic pain one does not need to take ten tablets of a pain killer for temporary muscle pain. I will be better tomorrow, with or without painkillers. But these days it's all about the money money money and how much you can sell to people and next thing you know; Prince is dead.
People, take some time, educate yourself about everything that goes in your body. Or do like the townspeople of Le Marais do and let Mya's grandma help you out.

Introducing Between Death and Heaven

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Muhammad Ali

Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.

Go out and do something impossible today. I dare me.