It's no secret that I've been struggling. The dearth of blog posts was probably a clue. I had barely been able to update my fanfics.
I won't even talk about the novels I'm writing. (Yes, it's never just one). Marcus Devereux, stagnating, the Harlequin, non-starter.
Sigh.
Whatever I did, I couldn't get myself to...write. Everything was too depressing I think - COVID, economic crisis, personal crises, parenting crises...and then the icing on the cake; Gaza.
Just hopeless, hapless and helpless.
No wonder the creativity wasn't being defined.
It wasn't just my personal situation. It just seemed like the entire world had given up on even trying. Literally shouting and screaming about Gaza for six months and hearing people perform outrage while selling Israel more weapons. Everyone I know living from hand to mouth, and every day the Kenyan president announces a new arbitrary tax. Let's not even talk about the personal struggles of having an adult unemployed son, trying to find his way amid mental health struggles. Always a fun time.
All of these things are still the same, aside from the last one. No longer unemployed, and with a direction of movement, this is the only thing that has really changed in my life. But I found myself making three fanfic updates this weekend. I finally managed to write daily so my Harlequin story (fingers crossed) is now over 5k words. I still haven't updated Marcus Devereux but I have a plan on how to proceed.
I think that tiny sliver of hope is responsible. That things can change, albeit slowly. hey, for years, nobody would even acknowledge that the Occupation was in the wrong but now here we are - the whole world knows that Genocide is going on.
I can almost believe that that saying about the trajectory of justice is true.
