What If...

This week's prompt is about this so I thought why not go back to the original story and reimagine it. Jesus? Mary Magdalene? Welcome to 2015.

Mary Magdalene woke up late, her head throbbing with misery. Tequila was really the devil; newsflash. Somebody needed to tweet that. Not her though. Someone else. She could hear her notifications going off at the rate of a mile a minute and she knew what it was about. She knew she was being trolled like nobody’s business. It was that nude pic that Rick had posted of her. Her friends had warned her about him being a nasty piece of work; but did she listen? Nooo, she went ahead and let him woo her into an affair. Even though she knew he was married to that Paris chick. He said his wife didn’t understand him; that she was cold to him in bed. He’d been so needy. How was Mary to know that he was a stinkin liar. Well…okay, maybe there were signs. For one thing, his Facebook page was full of pictures of him and his supposedly cold wife doing fun things together. Rick had told her that it was all show. Just for the cameras. That as soon as they got home, Paris barely spoke to him. Who was she to dispute that? Heaven knew she’d never been married so she didn’t know that married people did or didn’t behave like that. Besides he was so nice to her, so attentive. He picked up every time she called; texted her like two hundred times a day. It was intoxicating. Plus there was that Mazda he’d bought her for her birthday – to show her how much he cared he’d said. Okay so it turned out to be leased and she’d had to pay like a thousand dollars  which Rick had neglected to pay…he’d apologized so sincerely. Said he’d forgotten to pay that cash and promised to pay her back. I mean he was so sweet! Who wouldn’t be taken in?

When he’d asked if he could take her picture naked, just so he had something to look at when he was lonely, how could she say no. besides they were really classy. Only one really showed her cunt; and it was a pretty cunt anyway; all womanscaped and such…she was proud of it. In fact, Rick had also promised to get her some cash so she could have it vagazzled. I mean, how cool would that be?

But then…last night, she’d gone to surprise him at his club appearance in Miami and she’d caught him tongue wrestling some other chick. Some tall blonde leggy slut with obviously plastic double d’s and a body modeled on Barbie. Mary hadn’t been able to control herself. She was so mad. She’d grabbed at Rick’s drink and thrown it in his face, badly stinging his eye. Then she’d called him a cheating liar and left the club. Too bad that TMZ had been on the scene and taken a video of the whole thing. Worse, Barbie girl found Mary’s nude pics on Rick’s phone and posted them online. Ever since, she’d been getting nasty messages from trolls and she didn’t know what to do.

rickswife67 wrote: kill yourself bitch. You’re nothing but a husband stealing slut!!!

nastygalzsquad wrote: your vagina looks like it smells of patchouli and regret.

videovixen78 wrote: If I ever find u anywea nia ma man I’ll burn your nipples off cunt

kissmyattitude wrote: whore. God will punish you for being a husband stealer

songsoffireandice wrote: if u wa in GOT they’d have made u walk in the street naked already. SHAME on you.

Mary scrolled miserably through her notifications, looking for she knew not what. Would it stop soon or would she be hounded off social media forever? She couldn’t leave! Social media was her life; she might as well be dead without it. She tried tweeting some positive uplifting messages to maybe shame the trolls into leaving her alone but they just responded with even more gusto.

kissmyattitude wrote: you have nerve to even get on here with u’re fake messages. We know who yu r bitch.

pharisee123 wrote: yeah, go on run u’re lil bitch ass outta here slutty mcsluttington. How you even show your face? Your cunt looks sick

devotee101 wrote: YOU HAVE AIDS!! YOU’RE GONNA DIE.

fiftyshadesoffierce wrote: bitch u luk lik a man. Ugly ass vagina.

Mary threw her phone across the room with an anguished cry. It was the new iPhone 6 and the screen cracked as it hit the linoleum. Mary screamed even louder. She wasn’t anywhere near finished paying for that thing. And now it was broken.

“God!” she cried, tears streaming down her cheeks in despair. There was a soft knocking at the door. Mary stopped crying to listen.

“Mary? You in there? I heard screaming. Are you alright?” a soft voice floated in from the other side of the door.

“Who are you?” she asked suspiciously. Had her trolls found out where she lived.

“My name is Jesus. I live just down the hall from you?” he said.

Mary hesitated for a moment but then shrugged. If this was her day to die from some crazed ax man at her door well…it was a good day. She was just about done. She opened the door to behold a Persian guy of middling height, long brown hair tied in a pony tail low on his head and beard flourishing on his face.

“Is everything alright Mary?” he asked.

She shrugged, “I guess you don’t do social media much huh?” she said.

Jesus smiled, “Not really”, he said.

“Come in”, she said stepping back and letting him into her apartment.

“thanks” he said as he stepped in. he reached down, and picked up her phone, handing it to her. inexplicably, the screen was repaired.

“Is there anything I can do for you Mary?” he asked.

She smiled wryly, “Can you stop people trolling me on twitter?” she asked.

Jesus smiled and kissed her forehead, “Is that all?” he asked.

“Yeah”, she said.

“Consider it done”, he said and suddenly the constantly beeping notifications stopped. Mary stared at him.

“Why…? How…?” she stammered in disbelief.

Jesus smiled, “Let him who is without sin, cast the first stone”, he said, “Or tweet as the case may be.”

Mary bent her head, tears leaking in gratitude. Jesus stroked her hair, “Go forth Mary Magdalene, and do not sin again”, he said.

Bitch Better Have My Money

Today's prompt is this. Let's see what I'll make of it.

 

The ringing telephone woke her up with a start. It was so loud and insistent; she was used to the soft tones of Westlife on her cell phone. Who kept these old fashioned clonkers around anymore anyway? The phone wasn't even a touch phone, it was one of those old ones which had to be at least thirty years old. The telephone was fitted with a Dial, Automatic, 21FA.  This had a number ring with black figures on an antique silver background and a transparent finger-plate.  The dial cord had spade-tags at one end for connection to the dial terminals and ring-tags at the other for connection to the telephone terminals.

 Diana hadn't seen its type since she'd been no more than a tween. But now here she was; in Back Water Australia; on a sheep farm, unable to sleep for fear of some king cobra curling itself around her confronted with the shrilly ringing contraption that used to be a communication device back when the earth was cooling. She reached out hesitantly and picked it up.

“’lo”, she said sleepily, her voice rough and cracked with disuse. There was no one else to talk to for miles.

“Di! You’re still alive. That’s great. How’s it going?” Andrew’s cheerful voice danced down the line, sharp and clear as if he was in the room with her.

“Fuck you Andrew, and the wagon you rode in on”, she replied, her voice lowering even further and hardening.

“Aww, don’t be like that Di darlin’. Hey, it coulda been worse. You could be here right now, facing the lynch mob known as your creditors.”

“Or I could be in the Bahamas, spending those millions you promised me”, she bit out, poison in every syllable.

“You could I guess; except…”

“Except you're a goddamned motherfucking liar is except!”, she shouted at him.

“Di, Di, Di…come on; I told you the risks when you decided to invest your client’s money with me didn’t I? I was upfront and honest about all of it. Not my fault you got greedy”, he said voice dripping syrup and toxins in equal measure.

Diana sighed rolling her eyes even though he couldn't see, “That’s what I get for sleeping with the enemy I guess. What do you want?”

She heard Andrew sigh on the other end of the line, “I just wanted to check up on you babe, see how you were; if you're doing okay. How’s my brother treating you?”

“Like poison ivy. He dropped me here in the middle of fucking nowhere and took off!”

“He’s a busy man Di, you have to cut him some slack.”

“Sure thing babe. I'll do that. Just as soon as I see him again. I’ll definitely cut him something.”

“Hey, I won't call you again if you're gonna be like that.”

“Like what? Pissed as all get out?”

“Yeah. Like that.”

“Well fuck you Andrew. Fuck your brother and your mother who birthed you both.”

“Tsk tsk. Language my dear. You still want me to get you out of this jam you got yourself into don’t you?”

“Jam I got myself into!! You fucking bastard”, Diana’s voice was so high, possibly only the bats could hear her.

“I'm hanging up now”, Andrew said and matched his actions to his words. Di was practically foaming at the mouth she was so mad. Upside though, she wasn't currently thinking about snakes or snake bites.

“Did you get the location?” Andrew asked the CID officer standing beside him.

“Yes. Good work, that was long enough”, the cop replied with a curt nod. He turned to his fellow officer and said something soto voce to him. Then he turned back to Andrew.

“Once we have her in custody, you're free to go”, he said.

“Thank you sir. I was just an innocent bystander. She’s the one who was the master mind. You’ll see once you bring her in, she can tell you where all the money from the pyramid scheme went.”

The officer just nodded non  committally and left him in the room to marinate. Andrew could see them outside, discussing things in low tones. Probably planning to get in touch with authorities in Australia to see if Diana Lucifera could be brought in; and extradited to Kenya for prosecution. Andrew didn’t know how strong the relationship was between Kenyan police and Australian police was. It was the furthest point in the globe they could think to evacuate Di when they found out that the police were closing in on her.  Andrew had kept completely out of the limelight; he couldn’t imagine how the police had got his name. But he was a con artist first, ex-lover second. He wasn’t about to go down for something when he could pin it on someone else. Di had no proof he was even involved in the pyramid scheme, let alone the master mind. Good sex could do that to a person; it made them sloppy and careless. Andrew had learned that lesson long ago.

A cop came to return him to his cell. A little greasing of palms had made sure that he was alone in there, and a cleaning lady came by twice a day to keep it spotless. Also those pizza deliveries from pizza inn were like clockwork. It was good to be flush with cash. Especially outchea in these hard Kenyan streets.

Di lay back on her bed thinking hard. Why the fuck would Andrew call her? And for seemingly no reason other than to raise her blood pressure. There was more going on here than met the eye and Di’s spidey senses were tingling. She didn’t like it one bit. The last time she’d ignored her spidey senses, she’d ended up on the run with a target on her back. She sat up fast, looking around the room for her bag. She had not unpacked it so it was the job of seconds to swing it up on her back and exit the ramshackle she was in. She had a hundred thousand dollars cash. Time to disappear where no-one knew where she was.

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