Today is #BlackMenDon'tCheat day I hear. At this point, it's probably more wishful thinking than it is fact, but I guess we all have to start somewhere, right? I mean just yesterday, I was dealing with my son telling me that his girlfriend cheated, he cheated, and now he mad. Mostly because she cheated and didn't tell him.
Which is an important distinction when it comes to defining betrayal.
The latest Red Table Talk articulated it more clearly than I ever could. Each individual has their own parameters when it comes to lines drawn in the sand, lines that their patnas should not cross. The mistake that we make is not clearly delineating these lines to our significant others.
What do you expect from me and what do I expect from you?
Where is the middle ground?
Where do expectations and reality part ways?
What do we do when we reach that juncture?
What's the plan?
I'm a big fan of plans. They give you a road map on how to proceed with anything. I always have a plan, and a contingency. I might never articulate it to anyone but it's always there in the back of my head. Plans are funny things; most of mine I think, are formulated as a result of anxiety, fear of the unknown. I am always thinking, "What will I do if..."
Anything that scares me, I have a plan for what to do if it happens. I gotta tell you, most times, reality still blindsides you, but the fact that I'm still standing is as a result of that vague expectation. That bracing myself.
It might not always go the way you want, but having the plan gives you an idea of how far you have strayed from the path when it happens. So you know where you wanted to be as opposed to where you are now and what is the distance between these two points.
Black Men Don't Cheat might be the vision.
The reality is probably closer to Black Men Cheat All the Time.
The plan is the difference between one and the other.
Rihanna won't tell us whether she's getting married because you have a plan and then life happens. I want to get on the New York Times bestseller list, and I plan but life happens. You can only control what you control. Other variables are out of your hands.
So don't take on more than what you control.
That just leads to depression.
Linda Farnstein tried to take on more than she could control. She wanted to solve a crime, by any means necessary. So, she took the lowest hanging fruit, five susceptible, naive boys and made them the bad guys. Sent them to jail. Changed the course of their lives, the lives of their families, and caused the death of one more pregnant woman by the hands of the real rapist.
That's a lot of playing god. So the only way she gets to sleep at night is to say that the boys "Must have been guilty of something." When all we know for SURE is that they were in the park that night.
Karma took its time but I think it's finally coming for her.
What am I talking about? When They See Us.
If you haven't watched it on Netflix, you better. It will radicalize you, depress you, anger you...but it's necessary to know anyway.
A lot has been going on and I haven't been on here much. I wanted to let fate have control and just let the spirit move me at the right time. Today, one of my oldest friends told me I set her gaydar off. It was like some sort of confirmation of something I might have suspected in my subconscious but never really thought about before this year. A few weeks ago, my son and I were discussing the Kinsey scale and how there are degrees of sexuality. It started off by him pointing out a football player that he thought I might think is cute. I mean, the guy was good-looking, but he didn't really rock my boat. So I was like, "hey if he rocks your boat that's perfectly alright. We're not all zeros on the Kinsey scale. I'm definitely not a zero."
Which I thought at the time was just me talking. But then he says to me, "Oh yes, you're definitely not a zero."
Which kind of took me aback because I haven't done anything overtly gay in front of him, and I don't even know if I've ever done anything overtly gay ever. However, I do agree with the sentiment that I could be bisexual. It feels authentic.
That said, my twitter tl has been chock full of Pride posts so maybe I'm just trying to relate. One thing that struck me was the narrative that corporates take advantage of the gays during this time to market things to them. Now I'm not a corporate but as an authorpreneur I'm glad it didn't even occur to me to market In Search of Paradise at this time. However, a post by someone praising Rihanna for sponsoring a Pride event to the tune of $10k rather than marketing her goods to the gays had me inspired to do the same.
So I'm doing a giveaway instead. Tell your friends. In Search of Paradise is free for the rest of the month. Isn't that a great note on which to close this post?
Which is an important distinction when it comes to defining betrayal.
The latest Red Table Talk articulated it more clearly than I ever could. Each individual has their own parameters when it comes to lines drawn in the sand, lines that their patnas should not cross. The mistake that we make is not clearly delineating these lines to our significant others.
What do you expect from me and what do I expect from you?
Where is the middle ground?
Where do expectations and reality part ways?
What do we do when we reach that juncture?
What's the plan?
Anything that scares me, I have a plan for what to do if it happens. I gotta tell you, most times, reality still blindsides you, but the fact that I'm still standing is as a result of that vague expectation. That bracing myself.
It might not always go the way you want, but having the plan gives you an idea of how far you have strayed from the path when it happens. So you know where you wanted to be as opposed to where you are now and what is the distance between these two points.
Black Men Don't Cheat might be the vision.
The reality is probably closer to Black Men Cheat All the Time.
The plan is the difference between one and the other.
So don't take on more than what you control.
That just leads to depression.
Linda Farnstein tried to take on more than she could control. She wanted to solve a crime, by any means necessary. So, she took the lowest hanging fruit, five susceptible, naive boys and made them the bad guys. Sent them to jail. Changed the course of their lives, the lives of their families, and caused the death of one more pregnant woman by the hands of the real rapist.
That's a lot of playing god. So the only way she gets to sleep at night is to say that the boys "Must have been guilty of something." When all we know for SURE is that they were in the park that night.
Karma took its time but I think it's finally coming for her.
What am I talking about? When They See Us.
If you haven't watched it on Netflix, you better. It will radicalize you, depress you, anger you...but it's necessary to know anyway.
Which I thought at the time was just me talking. But then he says to me, "Oh yes, you're definitely not a zero."
Which kind of took me aback because I haven't done anything overtly gay in front of him, and I don't even know if I've ever done anything overtly gay ever. However, I do agree with the sentiment that I could be bisexual. It feels authentic.
That said, my twitter tl has been chock full of Pride posts so maybe I'm just trying to relate. One thing that struck me was the narrative that corporates take advantage of the gays during this time to market things to them. Now I'm not a corporate but as an authorpreneur I'm glad it didn't even occur to me to market In Search of Paradise at this time. However, a post by someone praising Rihanna for sponsoring a Pride event to the tune of $10k rather than marketing her goods to the gays had me inspired to do the same.
So I'm doing a giveaway instead. Tell your friends. In Search of Paradise is free for the rest of the month. Isn't that a great note on which to close this post?
