Friday, 14 August 2015

Its Not All Strippers and Burritos My Friend...

I'm writing for this prompt: Enjoy...

“Think about it; you, some strippers and beer; and two hundred acres of land between us and the nearest irate wife.”
“You make a compelling case.”
“Well…? Are we doing it or not then?”
Finn Goodwin sighed deeply. This was why he tried to avoid his friend Gitura. He had some of the worst ideas humanity ever came up with. And each of them was designed to get Finn into trouble with his wife. Sure she was an easy going type; she let him hang out with Gitura after all. But strippers? Lynn was from Nyeri; she would castrate him without a second thought if she ever heard about this. And women had such big mouths; somebody would tell somebody and then it would get back to Lynn and there’d be hell to pay.
“Gitura, I value my life too much to go along with this. I’m going home to the Mrs. before you get me divorced.”
“Pah! She’s not going to divorce you. Where will she take those kids of yours if she does? Her father has already divided his land and she has like a point. After being used to your whole ranch in Limuru you think she’s ready to move back to a point?”
“She’ll take all my money too. We’ve been married for ten years after all.”
“Hmm. Okay then, if you want to chicken out, I guess that’s your business. Me I’m taking off to Kitale next week and we are going to have a good time.”
“I’m sure you are. But who told you the manager of that ranch is going to let you run around with strippers?”
“What you think I’m stupid enough to go with them dressed as strippers? They’ll be my ‘business partners’”, Gitura made air quotes around the words.
“Well good luck with that then.”

“Hey dear, you’re home early today”, Lynn said as her husband came in the door.
“Yah, Gitura was trying to mislead me again so I thought I’d come home early before he succeeded.”
“What is it now?” Lynn asked rolling her eyes.
“A business thing in Kitale”, Finn hedged.
“Business huh? I hear Kitale has some excellent land. Maybe we should go”, Lynn said.
“We? Go?” Finn sputtered.
“Yeah. We should go check the place out. Si you call Gitura and tell him we’ll go?”
“No! I don’t think that’s a good idea”, Finn said shaking his head frantically.
“Why not? We talked about getting land there, didn’t we?”
“Aaahh, yah but…”, Finn dithered casting around for a good excuse short of the truth why they couldn’t go.
“But..? You said you were looking for more business ventures.”
“I…did”, Finn agreed.
“Well then?”
Finn looked around shoulders slumping in defeat, “Well…then…I guess we’re going.”
He took the first opportunity he could to dive into the bathroom and text Gitura.
The wife is coming with us.
He didn't have to wait long for the reply. mind?
Finn shrugged even though Gitura couldn't see him.
Plan B?
He texted and then stared at the phone for half an hour before his reply came through.
Which is?
He knew Gitura had spent the time cursing him to hell and back. But it was his fault this strippers and Kitale thing was even a thing so…he’d just have to suck it up.
We go check the place out with our wives.
This time, Gitura took an hour to reply by which time Finn had moved on to dinner with the wife and child.
Fine. But you owe me BIG TIME.

Unfortunately for Gitura, he’d already told the strippers that they were going on a road trip. Cancelling was apparently therefore not an option unless they wanted their wives to get phone calls. Gitura was getting an ulcer and hotly blaming Finn for it. They would have to fly the strippers to Kitale too, put them up at the best accommodation available…Gitura had heard there was a new swanky hotel built by some former government accountant that the strippers would love…and then check out the two hundred acre ranch with their women. The town was not that big, so they’d have to make sure that these two groups of people did not meet on pain of death. Gitura repeated these facts over and over to Finn who was acting like it wasn’t even his problem. Gitura was not here for it. They were boys; they were in this shit together.

“Is every thing okay?” Lynn asked her husband.
“Everything is fine, why?” Finn replied as he carried their bags to the cabin they’d been assigned at Kitale club. He was thinking about getting in a game of golf before settling down for the evening.
“Its just…you’ve been grinding your teeth the whole plane ride here”, Lynn said.
Finn noticed that his mouth was definitely a bit achy.
“I have?” he said putting down their bags.
“You have”, she replied.
“Its because I’m nervous. I’m not sure that maid can be trusted to stay with Patricia all weekend with no supervision.”
“Patricia will be fine, and Mueni has been with us for five years with no problems. She’s practically Pat’s co-parent. Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”
“I’m fine. Leave me be woman”, Finn said irritably.
Lynn shrugged, fished out her costume from the suitcase and turned away, “I’m going swimming. See you later?” she said.
“Yah. Okay”, Finn said with relief. If Gitura’s wife Di also went swimming they could go check on the strippers real quick. He fished out his phone and texted this new plan to Gitura. It wasn’t long before he got a reply.
May Day. May Day!!!
Finn stared at the text in shock.  He clicked on the call button and put the phone to his ear.
“What?” he asked when Gitura picked up.
“The strippers are here! The strippers are here!” Gitura’s frantic voice wobbled down the line.
“Here where?” Finn asked, heart going cold.
“At the pool. I repeat. They are at the pool”, Gitura said.
“Fuck. Me.”, Finn whispered.

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