Nuance, Let's Talk About It

So I was sitting on the loo, releasing the hostages and watching John Mayer's Instagram show, named Current Mood. John Mayer was one of my first white crushes after Bon Jovi and I was just reflecting how when we like someone, we can forgive them a lot of shit.
Like that time he joked about how he has a white supremacist dick, remember? I mean...I laughed. I got what he was trying to say. If your dick can't get hard for skin that's not white - except for Holly Robinson Peete - what the hell can you do about it?
I mean seriously.

I don't think I can be sexually attracted to a white person. If it's not the blue veiny skin, it's the liver spots, the freckles...man listen...I have an active imagination and you just don't want to know. And that's just when they're young. When they're old and the skin starts to wrinkle...I literally cannot. The body hair...it's not sexually stimulating to me. So I get it. You are attracted to what you're familiar with. Hell, most people are attracted to people who literally look like them.
The bestest example I have - unfortunately - is Rihanna. If you look at the three men she's been with they all look alike, and the person they all look like...is Rory Fenty.
All of this to say that I get where John Mayer was coming from and it's not racism. Your dick is socialized, just as you are, to find certain someone's attractive, to want to mate with this, as opposed to that.

Maybe if I grew up amongst more white people I wouldn't find their whole 'you can see their veins and unoxygenated blood literally pumping while you watch' thing so offputting. And it's not even to say I don't find white people attractive. Hell John Mayer is hot, Shawn Mendes too...Ummm, Bon Jovi, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki...all very attractive and I enjoy watching them. But I wouldn't want to see them naked. Truly there are not that many celebrities I want to see naked, not even Idris Elba.
That's why I don't write reader insert fanfiction. Please leave me out of that shit, man.
I'm betting in John Mayer's life he hasn't seen many black people naked. And if he has, he has to contend with dark brown areolas instead of pink, the fact that they don't get all red when they're aroused so he might actually have to ask if they're enjoying themselves, and the whole, pupils become pinpoints - I suppose it's hard to tell when you're dealing with brown-eyed girls.
It's a different dynamic.

All of this to say, sometimes it's racism, like that thing with Jay Leno and the Koreans eating dogs which got Gabrielle Union fired (also racism) but other times, it's just how life is.
Nuance.
It's a fast disappearing concept.
There's a lot of racism depicted in Child of Destiny although I never once use the word. It'd be interesting to know if you noticed or not. Hit me up.

When Men Wear Skirts

Good morning, afternoon, evening...where are my menz at?
I've been thinking about you recently and the cage y'all lock yourselves into this idea that men cannot wear anything other than trousers and still remain men. And I want you to think back really and ask yourselves where this idea came from.
If you're not a European of English descent, it is likely that your ancestors wore something other than trousers on a daily basis and yet they were and looked more 'manly' than you do.
Then came toxic masculinity in the form of germanic traditions and suddenly there was a whole list of things that men 'can't do' and remain men.
And somehow y'all adopted it and decided that masculinity can only be defined in Anglo Saxon terms.
My hero when it comes to men's fashion is Junior Nyong'o. Lupita's brother is the complete global citizen, the renaissance man who does not let your narrow, short-sighted ideas limit him from being all he can be. One day he's starring as Hamlet on Broadway, the next he's writing lines for Too Early for Birds at Kenya National Theatre.
Today he wears jeans, tomorrow he's in a skirt.
He's the very epitome of what freedom looks like.

Men love to police women's clothes. This is a well-known fact. What is less acknowledged is how much they police men's looks. There is a very narrow idea of what is acceptable to wear and still be considered manly. With the "new gentleman" fronted by Pharrell Williams, Pretty Flacko and Lil' Uzi Vert (yes!) we're seeing a resurgence of freedom in fashion. Of course, this is a factor of people going back in time, learning their history, discarding the lie we have been told for years...that ours is bad, theirs is good.
Donald Trump might be a disaster but he really illustrates that it's an ill wind that blows nobody any good. As a result of his blatancy and just general awfulness, he has forced people to confront who they really are and what values they hold.
This blog post is just going to consist of pictures I've seen of mainly Africans, not wearing trousers, not having shorn or short hair, wearing jewellery...just generally being all they can be. Let us remind ourselves that we don't all have to live in that one box, with that one look. Being adventurous is a good thing. Let us embrace it.

The Empire of Ethiopia lasted from 1274 to 1974. Emperor Haile Selassie wore his hair in curls and plaits.

Kingdom of Ghana: 700 - 1240 ad. No trousers in sight

Asante Kingdom in Ghana: 1670-1957 what even are trousers?

The Hausa of Nigeria: 1000 to 1903

Please note the complete lack of anything resembling trousers in all the pics. Here are some more.

Zulu Chief in his basically unmentionables

It's not just Africans though. In the Scottish Highlands for example:

Men in Kilts

Why they practically wear skirts.

Somalis have never really changed their way of dressing..

Somali Sultanate: 9th century to 1910

Let's branch out to other continents. New Zealand for example.

traditional Maori clothing

The sad part is that we all know this. We know that there is more to clothes than just wearing pants all the time. So many ways to style hair and wear jewellery. But most men, especially African men and black men in general, seem stuck on this Eurocentric idea that manhood = trousers.

Let us set ourselves free people.

Don't Worry Be Happy

Happy new month.
I shall be 45 years old in T-7 days.
When I got pregnant with Chris, twenty years ago, I made a vow that I would dedicate the next twenty years to him, and then when I turned 45, I'd be off to Jamaica to get my groove back. During his football years, we always used to say he'd go off to play for Manchester United and I would go open a bar on the beach in Jamaica. I would hang out in a sarong and a bikini and listen to people's problems in my role as bartender.
Of course, Chris did not join Man-Utd. Instead, he's a first-year student of Architecture and I am nowhere near ready to leave him - nor is he ready to be left. So I guess I'll defer the Jamaican bar on the beach until I'm 52; when Chris will join the workforce...
This umbilical cord thing guys...it's a trap.

In the meantime, I shall grow my dreadlocks until they're down to my butt and write a few more books. Maybe lose some weight so I have a so-called bikini-bod by then à la Gammy.

In the meantime, there's a lot to do.
The earth is being destroyed before our eyes. At this rate there really will be no earth for my grandchildren to inherit. Or they might be living in an In Search of Paradise world. Nobody needs that shit. My grandkids don't deserve to be foraging for water and clean air. Nobody does.
Why are we letting a bunch of idiotic white men destroy everything for the rest of us? The Internet has made it so that the myth of the superior white man is easily dispelled. Why are we still held in thrall?
Wake Up!

If Climate Change is too involved for you, well, there is always the Daily Mail which if we all stopped reading, stopped clicking on the untrue stories it writes about people, maybe they'd stop or turn their attention to something else.
People are dying because they surround themselves with negativity and then take drugs to escape from the negativity in their lives. How about just not seeking it out? How about, accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative?
I was watching the Happy video the other day and reflecting on how different the world was when it came out. Yeah, people had problems but the overall feel in the air was one of optimism...Yes, We Can and all that. I guess it's really true what they say; one person can change the world.
Now all there is, is the orange mosquito buzzing in everyone's ears and giving us all a headache; not to mention sprouting copycats everywhere on earth.
It's disheartening.
That's why I try as much as possible to keep my life free of Cheeto Mussolini.

But this is about happiness, and cultivating the happy in your life. You might think, "Oh you can say that, Annemarie, because your life is going great."
Actually, it's not. I have this neighbour that went from Ms Jeklyll to Ms Hyde in the blink of an eye. She wants to kill my dog.
Literally.
I've been forced to reinforce my fence just to make extra sure my dog can't go into her compound when it's loose in case she feeds it poisoned food or hits it over the head. I think she's the one who killed my other dog. This hostility coming out of nowhere like that makes no sense otherwise.
Of course, she could just be jealous of me because I'm fabulous and happy.
She's one of those "church ladies" forever quoting scripture and attending all the masses. But her heart is black as a witch's tit.
It's been a stressful time living in fear for my dog every night, the extra expense of reinforcing the fence...and at the same time, my son has started college.
It's hard, but I am determined to hold on to my happiness. Or should I call it peace? Whatever it is that makes me sleep like a baby every night.
Clean living and a clear conscience.
Looking for that higher self that I am and turning up as her...Her Grace, the Duchess of Sussex said that, not me.

Let's try to support one another to be happy as possible, no?
An announcement before you go: Marcus Devereux's release date has been pushed back to November 9th due to unavoidable circumstances. Please do continue to preorder. My beta reader told me it's a great story. My other beta reader said it's perfect.
Ask them.

Expectations vs. Reality: The Demi Moore Story

I just read Demi Moore's memoir; Inside Out and whew, chile...the triggers...

• Neglecting ourselves to take care of other people, 
• the rejection of our physical bodies, 
• living only in our minds and just making sure our outer shells are functional; 
• the lack of self-love...

I related to all of it in ways I did not expect.

We have some similarities in the challenges that we faced even though the circumstances were vastly different, and our reactions were also polar opposite. The results were the same though, punishing the body for what other people did to it; feeling unworthy or incapable of being loved the way we want to be.
On the flip side, she confirmed everything I've ever suspected about marriage. I'm just waiting for Lisa Bonet to come out with a memoir stating that Lenny Kravitz and Jason Momoa are the most selfish husbands in existence for all my illusions to shatter into a million crystals of scattered light. Illusions that are not even acknowledged in the light of day.
I really think we need to retire the phrase "Couple goals" or "relationship goals" because if anyone was my "relationship goals" growing up it was Bruce and Demi. I saw through Ashton from day one but Bruce! Man...that was disappointing.

It led me to a conclusion; one that I think is not new, but it just keeps getting reinforced.
Nobody is coming to save you.
Stop looking outside of yourself for validation.
Especially, stop looking to men to validate you.
I honestly don't think that they mean to do it; but if you give them that power, they will use it to destroy you.
I think that most women are damaged goods from their teens. Not all of us are outright raped, but every one of us has had an experience of sexual abuse when we are young. If you haven't then you are definitely one of the lucky few.
And so you grow into adulthood with an inherent distrust of men, but also a desire to find one who will make you feel safe.
None of them is safe. Not my son, not my brother; none of them.

So to go out there with the expectation of finding safety, it leaves you unprepared and leaves an opening that no male can seem to stop themselves from exploiting. I don't think the problem is with being men and women in relationships; I think it's the expectations of those relationships that destroy them.
On the other side of the coin are Will and Jada; they both had expectations about marriage but unlike the rest of us, Jada woke up and said "wait. stop. enough. I ain't doing this no more. I need to find a new way to be and if you don't want to come with me, then bye Felicia."
And Will, in an act of extraordinary non-maleness said, "Okay. Whoever you need to be; I'm here."
Now that's the definition of unconditional love.
I'm not blaming men for women's need to bend over backwards to be whatever they think the man wants. However, it has had the unfortunate effect of giving men the expectation that women will bend over backward, they'll carry ninety per cent of the burden to 'make a relationship work'.

And so in most cases, if you don't do it, you're shamed, you're ridiculed. Your husband cheats on you PUBLICLY the day before your anniversary so as to 'make you leave him.'
What does it cost to be kind really?
How much does it really take from you to be less of an asshole?
I just want all of you to do better by yourselves.

The Art and Science of Research for Fiction Writing

This is a serious post y'all.

I'm going to share with you my process because many have asked me how I do this.
This being, writing stories that are apparently foreign to my own reality.
The first thing that you have to know is to make a story real, you must find the personal connection to it. If you cannot do that, you cannot write the story.
For example; I am not a Somali, neither am I a Muslim, nor have I ever been in an arranged marriage. But I am a big sister. I know that sense of responsibility that is thrust upon you, often against your will. I know the combination of obligation and resentment it engenders.
That was my way into the story.
I know other things about the events in Cinderella by Any other Name quite intimately. Things I wish I did not know. The weird thing is putting them on the page is just as therapeutic as crying about it to a therapist.
Not to slag therapy; if you find the right person to talk to, it can be good. If not, try to find another way. Rihanna didn't want to do therapy after 'the incident' - I suspect she didn't trust anyone enough - but, she did find a way to self-therapize.
As long as you deal with your shit and don't let it fester.

The child of destiny series is based in Louisiana.
I've never been.
I mean sure, the town of Le Marais is fictional but it had to at least retain a few well-known attributes from the place it was based on. (#funfact - I tried to add le marais as the location on one of my Instagram posts and about ten possible places showed up in France, Italy and America. I did not know it was a real place name when I chose it. It simply means 'The Swamp' in French). Lucky for me, I grew up on Anne Rice. And before she became a hack, whew, she could use up three pages on just describing a place.
Even though I'd never been, I've felt that I know exactly what New Orleans is like for a long time. The atmosphere at least, the supernatural and natural history, the weather, the way the streets are built...I had that down. Then, of course, I went to Google University to obtain a degree on all things Louisiana including the fact that its Alligators not Crocodiles that are found there.
It's the little things, you know?
I think I enjoy checking these details as much as I do weaving them into my stories.

Just today, I was writing my overdue regency romance assignment and I thought to myself - Severus is not a bad name for a romantic rival. Let me just google and see if anyone apart from Snape was ever called that.
And lo and behold, there was a Roman Emperor who was around in about 193 BC whose name was Severus Alexander! More interesting...he was born in Africa. Even more interesting, the Roman Empire covered Europe, the Middle East and Africa.
This ain't in no history book I ever read.
This Severus guy conquered a place called Germa or Garama (in modern-day Libya) which was the capital of the Garamantian Kingdom.
193 BC.
That's my history right there I had no clue about.
I googled a name to go in a story set in Regency England and I learn something new about African history. That's the beauty of this game man. There's nothing like it.

Another thing you have to be continually aware of that grounds a story in the period you have set it in is language. You cannot talk about social media if your story is set in the nineties. Some fun things I had to google when writing Child of Destiny include whether Pamela Anderson already had her boobs done in 1990 (she hadn't). I had to check which year Prince released Kiss, to make sure it was okay for Leo to sing it in Mya's ear.
People think writing is easy.
Easy and fun is not the same thing, guys.
One is not like the other.
The most important thing is to love what you're doing. If you don't, it can get tedious really fast. Now go forth and write your masterpieces...after you preorder Marcus Devereux, please!

I Observe, With My Eyes

Beyoncé and Jay Z have done a lot of questionable shit in their lives. 

Like...a lot.
Just last month, Beyoncé stole the visuals of her video for Spirit off some South African artiste. She didn't even leave room for doubt - it was just, copy, paste.
And how many stories have we heard about Jay Z and fucking people over? If it isn't Dame Dash, it's Kanye. Yes, Kanye is a mess but even before he was a mess, he told us that Jay Z liked to steal his creativity. I guess he's a true capitalist.
Now he's trying to sell this NFL deal as "the next phase" of the struggle when what it is really is, "Okay well, now the struggle is interfering with my money so the struggle can fuck off."
The very worst part is that some people will twist themselves into pretzels trying to defend it as a "positive" thing. I've the phrase "A seat at the table" being mentioned by Killer Mike, and Charlemagne who should know better is trying to sell it as a new lane.
It's not a new lane.
Jay Z is basically the butler in Django Unchained right now.

It's so disappointing but at this point, nothing is surprising anymore. Anyway, nobody contracted Jay Z to fight against oppression, so I guess he's free to do as he pleases. I guess the people who follow him are also free to do the same although their reasons are murky too and stem from the erroneous belief that billionaires must know something the rest of us don't and so if we just follow them unquestioningly, they will lead us to some promised land. Nobody seems to be awake to their own exploitation by these people they follow blindly, to the end of making themselves richer. Jay Z gets his influence from the idea that he brings the black population with him. Like sheep, who are following the wolf to slaughter.
I want you to think about something. When there is a recession such as the one Trump is about to cause, who gets laid off? Do the billionaires tighten their belts?
No, they do not.
Unless you count letting people go from their organizations as tightening their belts.
The only thing that matters is the bottom line and "keeping the shareholders happy." and so people are let go so that profits remain the same. The poors and whites are so against socialism because they've been primed to react like Pavlov's dogs to the word. Yet all capitalism does is keep them poor.
The rich want you to remain poor. That's how they control you.
But what do I know anyway? I'm just here living from hand-to-mouth right?

Meanwhile, Miley and Liam broke up. If you've been following this blog for a while, you'll know I predicted this even before the wedding. Look, I don't know what ya'll are seeing when you look at them to think that they are 'well-matched' because chile...I cannot find one picture of Liam with Miley where he looks happy. Or even looks at her. She looks at him...all the time. But he's always looking away. Basic Body Language school will tell you that that is a sign of being out of sync. They never but never mirror each other. It was a disaster waiting to happen...
Why didn't any of Liam's family attend the wedding? Not even his mother was there, none of his brothers...you cannot say they could not afford the fare from Australia. I waited and waited for someone to point that out but no...Miley and Liam were supposed to be some perfect couple.
Bitch, please.
First of all, Liam is gay. My gaydar pings HARD when I look at him. But give him time to realize. then he'll go look for the guy he was with in hunger games wotisname and they'll live happily ever after.
Trust.

this is what in sync looks like

I've recently been experiencing a crisis of confidence when it comes to my writing. I'm editing Marcus Devereux (Book 5, Child of Destiny series) and I'm just feeling like...no. I don't like it. 

This has never happened to me before. I hear it's a common thing with writers but yeah, never happened to me before now. 

And it makes me want to go back and rewrite all my books. I gotta shake this shit off. So I'm posting an excerpt here and if the spirit moves you, you can give me a critique which will let me know if I'm crazy or I really should scrap the whole thing.

Okay then, here goes nothing.

The Lion King: Not Made for Africa

So a dear friend who lives in the States asked me, in my capacity as an African living in Africa, to review the Lion King, and so I will give a short review here. I had thought about doing it, but then I only had negative thoughts, so I didn't want to spoil anyone's childhood by expressing them. But since I was specifically requested to do it, well, here it is. You're probably not going to like it.
Now the story of the Lion King is no surprise to anyone; I sincerely doubt if there's anyone alive who hasn't at least seen the animation. But much as it was set in 'Africa' I don't really think it was meant for the consumption of Africans.

It's weird how we're excluded from what are allegedly our own stories.
"But Annemarie, why do you say this?" asked nobody.
Well, let me tell you a few things about the original and the live-action remake that I noticed, specifically as a Kenyan because that is clearly where the Lions are based.
The whole "Pride Rock" place, I think I've seen it live. It's somewhere along the Rift Valley between Naivasha and Nakuru although it was probably meant to be the Maasai Mara where there are actual lions. The Maasai Mara however, is savannah which is flat land, as opposed to the actual rifts and valleys brought about by shifting of tectonic plates long ago that brought about the Rift Valley.
So Lions in Naivasha and a stampede of wildebeest almost as if they were doing the great annual migration from the Kenya side to the Tanzania side. Except they were doing it in like Olduvai Gorge as opposed to Namanga.

this is Naivasha

Also, there's no actual desert landscape anywhere near Naivasha or Namanga. Simba would have had to go all the way to North Eastern Kenya and then come down to either Western Kenya where there is a waterfall or down to Mt. Kenya region. Both places are lush and green but wow, for such a small cub to cover such distances...
It's cool, I mean, why let the truth affect good storytelling right?
And for sure when I first watched it as a teenager in the nineties, I just was too traumatized by Mufasa's death to care about these details.

And I'm not much aggrieved by them now either. What does aggrieve me is Disney trying to patent the phrase "Hakuna Matata" as if Kiswahili isn't an actual language spoken in many versions across Africa from North to South and as if it wasn't the motto for Brand Kenya (yes yes, we have a brand) for the entirety of the Moi era. As if Them Mushrooms did not sing a song, waaaay before the Lion King was conceptualized named, Jambo Bwana whose lyrics coined the phrase, Hakuna Matata.
That was annoying AS FUCK.
To make matters worse, Beyonce did an album, that she called an "African" album with a bunch of Nigerian singers. Now we not about to tell Beyonce who can feature in her album but don't call it African please, when it's just Nigerian. That's how we get erased; by not acknowledging that we are not a homogenous mass. African and African American is not the same - you cannot put us all under one umbrella. It's not similar to choosing rappers only from Atlanta and saying, "Oh, the African American community is represented."
No. Nigerian music is vibrant, popular in America and very distinctive. Its good music and its African music but it does not represent the entirety of the African music experience. Furthermore, it has nothing to do with an accurate portrayal of the environment of the Lion King. Nigeria doesn't even have lions. But I suppose Burna Boy and Yemi Alade would be more recognizable to an American audience than Sauti Sol or Eric Wainaina.
I just don't see why at least a Them Mushrooms sample could not have been used. Just to pay tribute to the originators of the phrase...

On top of that, apparently, Beyonce stole the entire video concept for Spirit from an African film. It's a disappointment on top of disappointment.
Now, coming to the film itself, there were plenty of innacuracies including Simba being able to survive on grubs and bugs. But let's say in the spirit of it being fiction, that that could happen. But now, I'm an adult and everything problematic just shouts out to me. In trying to find a reason for Scar's jealousy of Mufasa, they made Mrs. Mufasa his love interest or at least somebody he was lusting after. Great, fine. But this mighty lionness allowed the Pridelands to become Badlands while she sat there and watched from her rock, waiting for 'someone' to help them while thinking that her son was dead so what this mythical help was supposed to look like, we don't know. In an ideal society such as Wakanda for example, there is no way that Simba would have ruled over Nala. She is the one who took charge, she is the one who sought to remove them from the situation they were in. She is the one who never lost herself. But because the story was written by white men knowingly or not, steeped in patriarchy and white privilege, it's the male, who barely knows himself let alone the pride lands, who gets to rule.
Then, there were the accents.

And man...were those annoying or what? So all the 'good' lions had American accents, the 'bad' lion had a British accent. The head hyena though got to have a generic "African" accent. I don't know if that was meant to sound Kenyan or what. So not even the villain but the villain support, have African accents while everyone else is westernized. It might not be deliberate but it perpetuates a stereotype about the order of hierarchies in the world, who comes first and who comes last. Then, there's the monkey who is randomly speaking Xhosa...
What?
It's just disrespectful. I'm sure they could have at least gotten someone who spoke Kiswahili. But I guess those details don't matter because the identity of Africans doesn't matter to the Lion King's core targeted audience - white people.
It wasn't just the accent or the language but also the mannerisms were very very American. If Simba's dad had been a true African Lion, he would at least have gotten a very severe punishment for putting himself and Nala in danger. Whether it was going to bed with no supper, a slipper to his ass, something. African parents don't just 'give a talk' and then reward bad behavior with play. In whose Africa?

Not the one I live in for sure.
I suppose it's like Japanese anime. Is it actually made for the consumption of actual Japanese people or is it for creepy dudes to jerk off to on the Internet?
I mean, there was not one single premier held on the African continent. Magical Kenya had to travel all the way to the London premier to be seen (check the advertisers on the yellow carpet). A movie about Africa that totally ignores the continent yet benefits from advertisers from the actual place where the film was based. Yep, just another day in paradise.

All in all, apart from the, you know, everything, it was a good way to relive childhood trauma.

When Females Have Big Dick Energy

Society seems to be built on the fragile foundation of male insecurity. To quote Chimamanda because she said it so Perfectly:

"We teach girls to shrink themselves To make themselves smaller We say to girls "You can have ambition But not too much You should aim to be successful But not too successful Otherwise you will threaten the man" Because I am female I am expected to aspire to marriage I am expected to make my life choices Always keeping in mind that Marriage is the most important Now marriage can be a source of Joy and love and mutual support But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage And we don't teach boys the same?We raise girls to each other as competitors Not for jobs or for accomplishments Which I think can be a good thing But for the attention of men We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings In the way that boys are..."

 This notion has been thrust forcibly in my face recently because of two women who embody everything that it is to be Flawless: Megan Rapinoe and Serena Williams. Of course, in addition to being phenomenal at what they do, these two women are also minorities - Megan is gay and Serena is black.
Unfortunately, society has made it so that if you are a minority and also phenomenally successful and then on top of that you dare to have two x chromosomes...man...you have committed a capital offence punishable by being called names such as:
'Oh my God, that Megan/Serena is so arrogant she brings disgrace to the sport. Not like *insert delicate blonde white cishet woman here* who is just such a great example for young girls to follow."
It's the worst sort of gaslighting and it boggles me that everyone doesn't immediately see through it and go like, "Boo! shame. shame. shame."
Of course, even in fiction it's only the women who get to walk naked down the street as people shout "Shame!" (disclaimer: Cersei totally deserved it though. However, she's a perfect example of female big dick energy...misused).

I don't even claim the word 'feminist' for myself although I would have been in the front line burning my bra and screaming in joy. I hate bras with a passion and I take my Double D's very personally. God really took the mickey out of me with that one. A reckoning will come one day though...
The reason why I don't claim the word is that it's been subverted by white women for their own ends. Being a woman though is a declaration in itself; especially when you own your womanhood and try to do it the way you want to as opposed to how society expects you to. Society tried to shame women into tying themselves up with these corsets and later bras, hence the burning. Before missionaries brought their repressed bullshit to African shores, bras did not exist here in any way, shape or form. The patriarchy, like every other bad thing, was brought to us courtesy of missionaries.
Anyways, as I was saying about colonialists - another example of some female big dick energy is Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex. Every time she appears in public, the whites find something to complain about.
She holds her kid at a cricket match, "Gasp! How dare she!"
She attends a Lion King opening, "Oh my God she was heard complaining about how we treat her badly! Doesn't she know there's people dying of hunger?" *Kourtney Kardashian voice* p.s. All she said in response to Pharrell was "they don't make it easy."
It's just jealousy.

Whatever happened to just being happy about people's achievements? What happened to clapping for them when they do a good or difficult thing? I know we are surrounded by a lot of negative energy. Capitalism is killing us all. Our leaders don't give a fuck about anyone but themselves to the point of actively trying to subjugate all of us to their rich people needs. This is all bad. But we're aware of it now. So at least we're not sleepwalking through life and sooner or later, we'll find a fix.
In the meantime, you have to find pockets of happiness wherever you can - and I don't mean like escaping to the bottom of a whiskey bottle, that just exacerbates your problems long term - be it in movies, books, sex, conversation, connection...whatever works for you.
And to insecure people who resent those of us who have learned to harness our big dick energy I say, work on yourself. It's not too late for you. Change your mental conversation, positive reinforcement only, build your confidence and grow your own big dick energy so that we truly can all be living in Wakanda.

Integrity vs. Get'cho Money

Yesterday, one of my writing jobs people sent me a potential job where the client wanted a story about a sex addict, who travels the entire Yoonited States and fails to find a virgin to 'cure him' of his addiction.
So by some accident of fate or I don't know, lack of google maps/men don't ask for directions thing, he ends up in Africa. Where he finds a village where naked African virgins are running wild, not speaking English, reading or writing; just hanging out being naked.
If you have sex with one of these virgins, you have to marry her or lose a finger.
So the guy finds his magical African virgin sex addict cure vagina and has sex with it. And voila! Cured.
Except...
He's tempted by three other virgins and has sex with them too. As a result, he loses three fingers. Virgin number one takes care of him, lovingly, gently and after seven years, he marries her.
I firmly declined to write it.
I know somewhere on Rihanna's internet, a man is asking "what's wrong with this storyline?" They're saying "I'd read it."
Yeah, okay. So you write it.

I, as an African, a former virgin forcibly relieved of that virginity, and as a woman, cannot.
Let's start with the sexism that says, a. there are no virgins in America because...reasons.
b. virginity is a cure for disease - this is an actually harmful idea that has seen children raped by men infected with HIV because 'virginity is a cure'.
c. Africa has villages of naked virgins - okay this is sexism/racism. I'm surprised the word 'natives' was not used. A simple breed, easily led, have not discovered clothes, have no purpose other than to satisfy the sexual desire of males...the ways in which this is wrong is endless.
"But Annemarie, you're a ghostwriter. You're getting paid to write. What does it matter what you write about?"
As long as you're getting paid, what's the problem? is an answer I see to many things on Donald Trump's internet. Yes, Michael Joseph is a racist but if he makes money for Safaricom, who cares? Donald Trump is trafficking children, but he knows how to make a deal so what's the problem? Jobs for African Americans have risen by 50%!
If you're making money, then what's the problem?

Integrity.
It's a thing that used to exist.
Now it's been strangled by consumerism.
Well...not completely. Pockets of resistance do remain. I saw this story on Twitter about a Starbucks throwing out five cops because 'they made the customers feel unsafe.'
I mean...
High five guys.
Finally, someone is looking at cops and seeing them for what they are; the biggest most violent, gang in the world.
Nike actually listened to Colin Kaepernick about racist sneakers, they've stood behind Caster Semenya in her battles as well as Serena Williams.
Also, Rihanna exists.
So these are all good things.

Of course, it's easier for me to talk about integrity now, in 2019, when I have more work than I seriously have time for; maybe if I hadn't worked for two months, I would have shut up and written the damn story. There is, after all, a difference between consumerism and poverty. I'm glad I did not have to make that choice between my integrity versus necessity. Been there, done that and it still bothers me to this day.
So perhaps it's counterproductive to judge what people are going through when they do things that just seem out there. These days Twitter just seems full of angry people sifting through the internet looking for things to be mad about. An Arab guy posted an email - with the email address displayed - from a white supremacist essentially saying white is right and white power. And this new zen me was like, 'gosh this guy must be so afraid. Because now everyone else is discovering what white people have known for centuries. Their only talents are stealing from other races and taking credit for the hard work of black and brown people. Now if black and brown people discover what they're up to, it's over for them. Hence, the escalated shouting about whites being better.'
I felt kinda sorry for him. Standing to lose everything that has kept you going must be so hard.
Well, I have a secret for you Mr White Supremacist - you already lost.

But even with all the horrific things going on in the world, mostly in America according to my tl, there is just so much anger on the Internet. People are 'angry' at DJT but instead of mobilizing voters or impeaching him - you know, something practical - they just repeat his words online with the disclaimer that they're very angry about it. Nobody cares about your feelings. Fuck your feelings. Put up or shut up. It's a waste of time to articulate your self-righteous anger if there is no action behind it. It just becomes posturing to prove to the internet that you didn't vote for Trump (you did). The faux shock at everything Trump does as if he has changed even one iota from when he was campaigning is just...
Anywho, me and my zen self refuse to participate.
It's not just politics which is exhausting. Fan wars can get so juvenile sometimes you have to continuously remind yourself that these aren't Onion affiliates. I cannot even repeat some of the posts because girl...too much. It's only fiction guys, relax. Find a hobby. There are just too many real things in the world worth getting upset about. But I guess, white privilege.
Anyway

I want the parents of the world to do me a favour and help their kids find an internal compass that is not dependent on what is going on around you. You do this by allowing your kids to make decisions from as early on as possible and then validating those decisions in terms of letting them carry out the actions behind those decisions and letting them learn from their own mistakes. Let them form their own opinions about people and things without trying to impose your own on them. You have society trying to mould them into whatever is easiest and it's a battle to constantly push back on that and let them be what is right not just for you or them, but what is right, period. No qualifications. You know what it is, it's maybe just too hard to always do the right thing. Isn't that sad?
Here's a book about someone who struggled constantly with the right thing, as opposed to the easier one. She kinds of reminds me of Ilhan.

We Plan and God Laughs, Right?

Today is #BlackMenDon'tCheat day I hear. At this point, it's probably more wishful thinking than it is fact, but I guess we all have to start somewhere, right? I mean just yesterday, I was dealing with my son telling me that his girlfriend cheated, he cheated, and now he mad. Mostly because she cheated and didn't tell him.
Which is an important distinction when it comes to defining betrayal.
The latest Red Table Talk articulated it more clearly than I ever could. Each individual has their own parameters when it comes to lines drawn in the sand, lines that their patnas should not cross. The mistake that we make is not clearly delineating these lines to our significant others.
What do you expect from me and what do I expect from you?
Where is the middle ground?
Where do expectations and reality part ways?
What do we do when we reach that juncture?
What's the plan?

I'm a big fan of plans. They give you a road map on how to proceed with anything. I always have a plan, and a contingency. I might never articulate it to anyone but it's always there in the back of my head. Plans are funny things; most of mine I think, are formulated as a result of anxiety, fear of the unknown. I am always thinking, "What will I do if..."
Anything that scares me, I have a plan for what to do if it happens. I gotta tell you, most times, reality still blindsides you, but the fact that I'm still standing is as a result of that vague expectation. That bracing myself.
It might not always go the way you want, but having the plan gives you an idea of how far you have strayed from the path when it happens. So you know where you wanted to be as opposed to where you are now and what is the distance between these two points.
Black Men Don't Cheat might be the vision.
The reality is probably closer to Black Men Cheat All the Time.
The plan is the difference between one and the other.

Rihanna won't tell us whether she's getting married because you have a plan and then life happens. I want to get on the New York Times bestseller list, and I plan but life happens. You can only control what you control. Other variables are out of your hands.
So don't take on more than what you control.
That just leads to depression.
Linda Farnstein tried to take on more than she could control. She wanted to solve a crime, by any means necessary. So, she took the lowest hanging fruit, five susceptible, naive boys and made them the bad guys. Sent them to jail. Changed the course of their lives, the lives of their families, and caused the death of one more pregnant woman by the hands of the real rapist.
That's a lot of playing god. So the only way she gets to sleep at night is to say that the boys "Must have been guilty of something." When all we know for SURE is that they were in the park that night.
Karma took its time but I think it's finally coming for her.
What am I talking about? When They See Us.
If you haven't watched it on Netflix, you better. It will radicalize you, depress you, anger you...but it's necessary to know anyway.

A lot has been going on and I haven't been on here much. I wanted to let fate have control and just let the spirit move me at the right time. Today, one of my oldest friends told me I set her gaydar off. It was like some sort of confirmation of something I might have suspected in my subconscious but never really thought about before this year. A few weeks ago, my son and I were discussing the Kinsey scale and how there are degrees of sexuality. It started off by him pointing out a football player that he thought I might think is cute. I mean, the guy was good-looking, but he didn't really rock my boat. So I was like, "hey if he rocks your boat that's perfectly alright. We're not all zeros on the Kinsey scale. I'm definitely not a zero."
Which I thought at the time was just me talking. But then he says to me, "Oh yes, you're definitely not a zero."
Which kind of took me aback because I haven't done anything overtly gay in front of him, and I don't even know if I've ever done anything overtly gay ever. However, I do agree with the sentiment that I could be bisexual. It feels authentic.
That said, my twitter tl has been chock full of Pride posts so maybe I'm just trying to relate. One thing that struck me was the narrative that corporates take advantage of the gays during this time to market things to them. Now I'm not a corporate but as an authorpreneur I'm glad it didn't even occur to me to market In Search of Paradise at this time. However, a post by someone praising Rihanna for sponsoring a Pride event to the tune of $10k rather than marketing her goods to the gays had me inspired to do the same.
So I'm doing a giveaway instead. Tell your friends. In Search of Paradise is free for the rest of the month. Isn't that a great note on which to close this post?

It's an Ill Wind

It's been an eventful two weeks for me personally and the world in general. Nipsey Hussle was gunned down and as a result the good works that he has done have elevated him to an icon. (I was gonna make a pun about an icon (not) living but it's too soon, right?)
Anyway, so first thing I learned that I didn't know before is that he was Eritrean-American. And of course my extremely biased ass was like, "Hmm, that explains it."

And when I say it explains "It" I'm not trying to perpetuate the narrative that Africans are better than African Americans that somehow proliferates on twitter - and I think is a product of the same insecurity I am about to talk about - I simply mean that it makes a difference when you know who you are.
I'm not just pulling facts out of my ass you know? According to his bio, when he went to Eritrea, he came back a changed man; because he went home. Where he wasn't less than or different or to be feared. He was just one of the whole. He stepped his feet in the soil of his homeland, and he looked around and probably thought, "Oh, so that's where I get that." or  "Damn, these people actually feel invested in their own well-being and development from the highest level of government."
It gave me a glimpse maybe of why so many disenfranchised join gangs. It's because gangs are their governments, their structure of society. Gangs are the thing which are supposed to ensure their well-being and development. If you don't belong in a gang, you're out here alone and the biggest gang in the world - the police - has a target on your back.
It sounds so dramatic and yet it's people's daily reality.

Imagine a man dying bringing so much understanding to some random human miles and miles away from them. Isn't that amazing?
When Lauren London's kid said at the funeral that Ermias came to him in a dream and showed him paradise, I felt that, I was triggered, I remembered when my mother came to me, and my sister. When my cousin came to my sister. Always with the same subliminal message. "All is well. Be happy."

Other bad things that brought good realizations to me, personally was the death of a medical student in Eldoret, Kenya. She was coming out of the hospital where she was interning when a man who she had known since childhood and who had been stalking her, cut her with an ax.
Immediately, the Kenyan men brigade known as mafisi (hyenas) were out in full defense of the guy with all sorts of rumors like she infected him with HIV.
Now even though that is CATEGORICALLY NOT TRUE, it would not have mattered if it was because there is no excuse for murder. It just makes me so sad that that has to be stated. I personally have heard so many stories of men infecting their partners (both male and female) with HIV, knowingly, and still expecting especially the women to not only stay with them, but when they get sick, this woman is supposed to look after them.
No one sees a problem with that.

But God forbid that a woman infects a man with HIV, why, that's an absolutely legitimate excuse to murder them! I don't know what level of self-absorption this is but its super mind-blowing to me. However, there were a lot of men who pushed back and said "shut up and sit down, yes we are trash. We are trash because we immediately defend such behavior instead of condemning it."
And so for once, it was possible to separate wheat from chaff just by reading these views. I was happy to see that all the men on my twitter timeline were on the right side of history, however I need to unfriend a few people on Facebook.

My phone got stolen two days ago. Not my smartphone, the other one I use for mpesa and bank SIM. I was kind of not sad because I hated that phone but it was basically my wallet so yeah, panic. On one hand I was like, if they stole that basic phone they must really have needed either money or a phone. I don't see that they can resell it for much so I assume they really needed a phone. So I was like, godspeed to them if they do. (yes that thought boggled me with it's generosity too) but of course I immediately called customer care to block my SIM and then went to bed in despair because I knew that I would need to leave the house during the day (it's hot AF) so I could go to the bank, cancel my bank SIM, get a new SIM card and possibly a new phone. FOR ONCE, I actually had a little cash money on me, enough to get me to the bank. Which was the first great thing.
Next great thing, money had matured from a job so I was actually flush with cash. Only I could not send it to myself until 1. I got a new SIM card and/or 2. I blocked my bank SIM so that if someone was trying to break into my bank account, they would not be able to withdraw the money.
So, I actually sat at my writing desk for ten minutes, debating whether or not to carry my rather heavy laptop with me to the bank or just pray that I had enough in my account to cover the cost of everything including a new phone or...my head was going round in circles.
In the end I decided to leave it.
As I'm getting my handbag, my hand goes to the big one in which the laptop can fit and picks up the laptop and puts it in the bag.
I'm like, "Oh. So I am carrying the laptop?"

I decided that since instinct wanted to take over I was going to sit back and not try to influence any decisions. I ended up having such a smooth day. I felt so free and floaty just following my instinct on everything, no conscious thought, one thing just led to another. I ended up at the cinema watching Captain Marvel instead of Us like I've been planning to for three weeks. Imagine my delight at realizing my fave supermarket had moved into the same mall as the movie theatre.
Basically it was a capital day. And I think I'm gonna live like that from now on. No forcing things, just going with the flow. Will Smith enforced the message by talking about the conscious decision to stop being militant and let things happen when they will. I was like "Yaas brother, preach it!"
There really is always a silver lining guys. Stay woke.

Today my neighbor told me a story about a girl who committed suicide. She lives on a close by lane and had been having trouble with college. Well, when she came home and was withdrawn, her parents decided to have a pastor pray for her computer and her....
You know because obviously that is going to improve her grades.+
So by Tuesday she was not answering her phone and by Thursday her mother was worried and sent people to check on her. She had hanged herself in her dwelling.
Guys?
Can the silver lining of this story be that you cannot pray away depression? Can we internalize that? We are experiencing an epidemic of suicide because we don't take depression seriously.
As a result of this story of course I called my son right away to make sure he's still depression-free and he gave me an update on a girl friend of his who had threatened suicide last week because her boyfriend was not willing to take responsibility for her pregnancy. While he hasn't set eyes on her  for a few days he says he's sure she's still alive because she moved in with said boyfriend. So he's still coming to college...but she's not. I'm betting her parents don't know squat.
So the silver lining for this part of the story is; be present in your children's lives please whether they are living in your house or not. So many parents have no clue about the inner life of their children.