Showing posts with label choosing happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label choosing happiness. Show all posts

Monday, 3 August 2020

The Art Verzuz The Artist

Hello, happy new month.
How are you doing?
I've been in an 'I wish a nigga would' mood otherwise known as 'four-five seconds from wilin' almost all July. Let's see how August goes. 

Anyway today I'm here with some confessions.No justifications, just admitting my transgressions and willing to take my punishment. 
This is how it began. I was watching - okay objectifying - Freedom Williams as I ate my supper, really enjoying the fact that for all their videos, C+C Music Factory had Freedom shirtless but the girlies were fully dressed. Such a refreshing change. Also, the nineties had much less of a problem with colourism in their music videos. Really Freedom was the only light-skin in Gonna Make You Sweat.
It was beautiful. 
I love his voice and his way of moving and just well...everything.



Of course, once I was done, YouTube suggested other videos to watch and the King of Pop was right there. It's been a while since I listened to Dirty Diana so I hit the play button. 
Now the way that video is set up, it just really makes you realize that Michael Jackson was a rock star. I was sitting there wondering if I might have fallen on the ground and cried and fainted the way that people used to do for him. And I cannot say that I would not have. His charisma is quite compelling. The thing with Rock Stars though, is that they had a lifestyle which did not include going home to the wife and kids after the curtain fell. No, it involved sex, drugs and rock n' roll. Everyone had their own tastes but nobody was a boy scout. There were no innocents in the rock star culture.
Michael Jackson just happened to be caught. 
Now I am not saying I don't believe his victims. If there was a way I personally could help them come to terms with what happened to them, of course I would. But I cannot so I ask myself, what does it help anybody if I cut myself off from this music? His music isn't just an earworm, it's part of my formative years. It's evocative of times and places that I hold dear in my heart. Am I to throw it all away because the artist was not well-behaved?
There's a thread going around twitter comparing Ludacris to 18th-century German composers like Bach nem. And it's clear that even those guys had their major flaws. But nobody 'cancels' their art because the artist was problematic.
So yeah, Dirty Diana is one of my all-time favourite songs. It stays on my playlist.


Now MJ is the King of Pop and people might excuse me for still listening to his music because well, y'all get it right? But this next guy...I have no excuse, except to say that he made some great music and he was always the problematic fave. You got used to thinking of him as a troubled man who alternately sang about his sexual perversions and his mother. Kind of like a crooning Tupac but without the social justice messages.
In my defence, that was until I saw the documentary. Then I stopped cold turkey. Still do miss singing 'So Hot We On Fire' though.

As an honourable mention, Black is King just came out and one thing to be said about Beyonce, she's an excellent mimic when it comes to dancing. When she performs African dances, she gets it exactly right. Of course, you can see that it's very precisely done, very choreographed, which is not at all how Africans dance. The smoothness is missing. Nevertheless, it's the closest I've ever seen an African American come to doing it right. There is nothing that truly separates Africans and African Americans like how they move their bodies. Still, Beyonce comes very close almost. She's a savant when it comes to dancing.
Speaking of Dancing Savants, I also very very occasionally watch Chris Brown videos - not Chris Breezy let's be very clear - Chris Brown. Mostly from his album Fortune (had to look up the name because my brain doesn't hold space for CB trivia anymore) because it reminds me of the days when twitter and tumblr were wild for entirely different and more interesting reasons. The glory days are behind us indeed. We've all grown up now.



All of this to say that perhaps we should stop putting artists on a pedestal because their art is exceptional. We're all human. J.K Rowling is brilliant but apparently, she believes Trans Women shouldn't exist. Not even in a live and let live kind of way. I mean considering the subliminal messages in the Harry Potter series about oppression, it's really quite surprising. But we all have our blind spots. For some it's trans women, for others it's sexual deviance. 
For some, it's just being mean, while preaching kindness like Ellen. When we don't let people be who they are, they're forced to build personas and then we feel betrayed when 2020 exposes the real person. Having decided that everyone's problematic, me included, I'm going to enjoy what I enjoy without imposing moral imperatives on the artist.
Kanye excluded that is. Such selfish jerkery is apparently where I draw the line.

Tuesday, 20 November 2018

Be Happy, Don't Worry

You know for a person like me who suffers from anxiety disorder, doing as the title says is easier said than done. I shouldn't say I suffer from anxiety disorder; I haven't been diagnosed by a shrink. I'm gonna say I'm a terribly anxious worrier type person instead.
Ugh, such a rabbit hole, can we get back to the topic?
Okay so as I was saying, I'm like a dog with bone when it comes to anxiety, just worrying it and worrying it and worrying it...whether my issues are legit or not.
So today it hit me, after blowing off work all day and just having some 'me time' that I was doing life wrong. I mean, look at me; I am living my dream life (except that I don't have a horticulture farm which was a completely unrealistic dream considering the total absence of a green thumb that I have). Hell, some things I never thought to dream of; who could have imagined I'd have authored eight books under my own name (actually make that ten, Cinderella by Any Other Name is finished as is a short story in the In Search of Paradise Universe) in my lifetime? Who'd a thought I'd make a living writing books for other people?
Not me.
Yet here I am.
I live in the house. The one I always wanted; yeah it's not mine but it's mine y'know? My son turned eighteen this year. I have managed to grow him to adulthood without irreparably damaging him.
I legit have not searched for new clients since September. They all are looking for me now.
Life is GoodT.
*spits, knocks on wood, throws salt over my shoulder and all other superstitious nonsense*
So why do I wake up worried, spend my days anxious and go to sleep worried? It's such nonsense. Today I just stopped. No actually it started yesterday. I was so tired after my locum at a hospital pharmacy that I stopped at a fast food shop to eat dinner so I could go straight to bed as soon as I reached home. (Yeah at seven pm, what of it?) And she knows me so the cashier asks if I'll have a warm apple juice since there are no cold ones. And I was just like FUCK IT, give me a fanta.
Do you know the last time I drank a fanta?
Yeah, neither do I.
Everywhere people always posting about how bad soda is for you blah blah blah. I grew up drinking fanta. It never made me sick. I stopped because well, peer pressure.
Fuck peer pressure.
Fuck worrying about mythical health problems I might get.
Imma enjoy my fanta.
I didn't finish it because well, sugar is not my friend these days but I enjoyed it. I even enjoyed the little sore throat I got afterwards because Freedom bitches!
Anyways so this morning I woke up with that anxious "OhgodIhavesomuchworktodowillIfinisitontimeImalreadylate" mantra going through my head coupled with "shitIneedtofinisthisgotbillstopay" that accompanies it. But I was still reeling from the weekend. So I said, hey, let me take some time to just be. I'll get back to work. But first, breathe.
And I did.
Imagine the world didn't end.
Yeah, mind boggling, I know.
But I really have to get back to work now; the difference is, I'm looking forward to it. I love writing, I love stories. I get to write stories for a living. Imma enjoy it.
And for you other writers who seem to live under the illusion that you HAVE to think your writing sucks in order to be a "legitimate" writer; and also you have to post about how much you suck on social media...man, look...if that is supposed to get me interested in your work, it doesn't. If you don't love what you write, why should I?
I love my stories. I think they're epic. I think they convey important messages without being weighed down by too much seriousness. Average Joe can enjoy them and they would still make her think. You have to be careful of that negative self talk. If you tell yourself you suck enough times, you start to believe that shit.
It's up to you if you want to be Cardi B or Azaelia Banks.
Rihanna isn't my fave just because of the songs...when it's 3am and I'm flagging, I tell myself that Rihanna's day isn't over yet either and she's much richer than me. Whatever you need to tell yourself to keep going.
Anyways, for real, gotta get to work.
The rent is always muh'fuckin due.