Crossroad Blues

It’s been a Purple Rain sort of day; I think I listened to that song like twenty eight times.+Drake released his Views from the 6 finally today; on Apple Music. I haven’t listened to it, but the lyrics landed in my inbox via Genius so I did read it. Wasn’t really telling me anything I didn’t know. Him and Riri have a friends with benefits thing going on…they sing about it on every record they do. She booty calls him late at night. He wants their relationship to be more than that. She doesn’t have time for a relationship. He’ll wait. It’s practically been a mantra since 2014.

What else?

Oh yeah, the judge sealed Prince’s autopsy investigation so they don’t have to tell us so people are making up their own shit as to why he died. It annoys me because Prince doesn’t deserve that shit. Let him die as he lived.

Meanwhile speculation on who Becky with the Good Hair is, is still in high gear. Does she exist? Is she just one girl? Are Jay and Bey getting divorced? Usual story that circulates about once every before album launch. I don’t care. Though Karrine Steffans did write a starkly vulnerable article about how she’s Becky and Beyonce which impressed me with its honesty. You don’t usually get that level of bare chested, unfiltered information these days. Also why did it make me think Jay-Z is selfish in bed. I don’t know. Maybe because people who’ve had sex with him are always talking/singing about giving him blowjobs. No mention of returning the favor. And he’s not even that cute…

Well anyway, why I was writing is because I’m listening to all my sad songs today; I haven’t been able to since my daddy shuffled off the mortal coil. It’s been too hard; see I’m one of those people who run away from pain? I’m a consummate coward about it. If I think it’ll be too hard I deflect, I distract, I prevaricate, I fill that space with other things, till I feel like the danger is passed. So apparently Prince dying and me listening to Purple Rain on a loop means the danger is passed. I can now sit down and listen to my sad songs play list and let myself feel it. Feel loss, feel pain, feel angry and sad and wistful and nostalgic. And feel like I’ll come out the other side without it killing me. I always feel like I might not survive emotional pain when it’s too fresh. But now, I can bask in it, while Purple Rain plays in the background and fully appreciate Prince’s prowess on a guitar, sing it out loud; and get through this valley of the shadow of death…

It feels very appropriate that it’s rainy as fuck.

Guide to Dealing with 'The Bereaved'/ or Rant

Emily Post neglected to write this so I thought I'd give her a hand.
Disclaimer: I have no filter when someone close to me dies; it's all shoot from the hip.
So having lost my cousin and my dad within two weeks or something of each other, I've received a lot of condolences and commiserations and people telling me how I should feel or what I should do. People I don't normally speak to are calling me, not introducing themselves, and then telling me to be strong or whatever. Like, if we don't speak in real life, why are you calling to give me condolences? I don't know you so I'll never know if you don't bother to call me. You're just wasting my phone battery which is having its ass kicked by all the legitimate phone calls I do have to make; like calling the newspaper and trying to make sure they don't make my dad look like an orc in his obituary pic.
So here is a small guide to the do's and don't's of dealing with the bereaved...or maybe its just how to deal with me when I'm bereaved;

- Do not platitudinise. Is that a word? It should be. It covers stuff like "Our thoughts and prayers are with you", quite frankly my dear, I don't give a damn where your thoughts are. I'm too busy trying to handle a LOT OF SHIT RIGHT NOW.
- Don't go on and on about how I'm feeling or not feeling. What does it help? Much more appreciated is BEING THERE. This is something I've learned in the last month and I plan to implement in my own life. Either show up or shut up. In between is just making yourself feel better rather than really supporting the person you claim to be supporting.
- We do notice if you are there. If you help out, or just sit quietly next to us saying nothing especially not saying platitudes or psychoanalysing...making us laugh is even better. Having genuine interaction instead of platitudes is the best.
- We're still basically the same people so no need to treat us like fragile eggs that you're just waiting to break.
- Please don't bring any negativity into an already fraught situation.
- Remember that tempers are short, sensitivity is high, and we're probably tired from not sleeping too well. Cut us some slack.
p.s.
My cousin told me a story about how when she told her small child about her brother's death, the child was very sad and she said
 "tell me a story so I can be distracted and feel better."
It struck me because I just wrote an article about escaping life through stories not too long ago. It filled me with renewed zeal. If someone's story can make me feel better than I do now, hell, I will sooo take it. And if I can write stories that take people away from the shit in their lives...mission accomplished.