Self-Publishing Ain't for the Faint Hearted

I am on holiday right now.
Outside of my window, the dark blue swimming pool beckons.
Or maybe I could be taking a walk by the sea.

But here I am, sitting.
Writing a blog post about how goddamn difficult self-publishing is.
You know why?
Because a self published author is not only the writer, they're the publisher, the marketer, number one cheerleader, publicist, distributor...okay maybe you're not the distributor, but you gotta keep an eye on them if you don't want any surprises.
Basically, you're running a company in which you're every single position including bottle washer, maintenance, and housekeeping. It's quite exhausting and it never stops.
Just now, I'm tackling an issue that came to my attention purely by accident. I bought a gift copy of Erase and Rewind from Amazon in order to enter the gift card into a giveaway on a readers' site. I did so because of a Facebook post where someone was asking about book reviews and the site put a link in the comments.

(So yes, while you're innocently browsing your facebook or twitter, you might come across something you need/want to act on because IT NEVER STOPS).

Well I went to Amazon to get the gift card number and I get a very disheartening message:
This book is not available in your country.
So...
I wrote a book.
I published it.
But it's not available in my country.
I had already come across this issue before with Child of Destiny when my son tried to get it for his friend. I'd already spoken to my distributor about it. They dismissed as a technical issue which would be sorted out presently.
It's a month later.
It's not sorted.

I miss Pronoun like the desert misses the rain. They had an Author Happiness Liaison. Them closing down has definitely been a step back for the self-published author.
So
1. I can't get my gift card for the site until Amazon sorts this shit out.
2. The distributor should have had this shit sorted on day one.
3. I'm now wondering where else my book is 'not available'.
4. Sigh.
I'm supposed to be on holiday!
If I had even a smidgeon less passion for my writing, I'd shut this shit down and go dispense medicine.
Speaking of passion, I recently accidentally opened an author page group on Facebook. Seeing as I didn't want to just close it without thought, I left it blank for a while but now I think I know what I want to do with it. I want to write stories from prompts. Which the group members will give me. So I'm urging you all to go and join it here so you can ask me for the stories you want to read.
Have you gifted my boxset to the bibliophile in your life yet? Happy Boxing Day.

Have you had a similar experience? Hit me up and let's share solutions.

Big Bang. Evolution. Taylor Swift...

I want to tell you about my ambivalence for Taylor Swift.

It annoys me that I even expend the slightest bit of emotion on that girl but there it is.

You see, the thing with Taytay is...she's like the epitomisation of the Entitled White Girl. It's a species I know well, both because of my upbringing and through encounters on +Twitter.

Growing up in the eighties means that every white or yellow person I ever came across felt that they were better than me. Hell, light skin Africans felt they were better than me. Lucky for me, I understood that intellectually without internalising it. It's only when the Internet came to be that I understood that other black people actually believed this lie. As in Michael Jackson believed it to the extent of developing Body Dismorphic Disorder. Michael was maybe an extreme case but I think it's much more common than that. And many more people would have done what he did to himself if they had the money and the doctor. 

Have you seen +Botched ?

Anyway, my point is, those people who felt superior, they approached me with an attitude which assumed that I would automatically defer to them, because they were/are lighter than me. Unfortunately for them, I'm no respecter of Persons and I genuinely, genuinely DGAF. On top of that, nobody wins arguments with me. No one.

Ask anyone I know. I think it's probably the single most annoying thing about me.

Want to know my secret?

It's very simple; No Bullshit. I just hit you with the facts, and the truths. Most people attempt to prevaricate. You can't fight the truth with bullshit and expect to win.

That's what the Entitled White Girl does.

First of all, she makes a statement of her opinion as if it was a fact.

Once you tear that statement into tinny tiny pieces, she's taken aback; wondering at the temerity of you; so she tries to attack something about you. Your language. Your race. Whatever. 

My language is impeccable and my race is better than all a yours. Very difficult to undercut someone who feels nothing for your insults. Being a secure bitch is...a bitch.

So then they begin to prevaricate.

No, I didn't say that.

Did I say that?

Obviously I didn't mean that.

Have a nice day?

All of which I countermand by sticking to the point. You're supposed to get side tracked. When side tracking doesn't work, the next phase is becoming the victim.

"I can't do this anymore."

"You're a bad person for making me feel bad."

"You insist on misunderstanding me."

I deal with this by sarcastic mocking. Sometimes, they don't even get that they're being mocked. It's kinda fun.

Underneath all these responses is a certain disbelief that you're not rolling over and letting the poor blonde delicate flower win the argument. 

Why are you being so mean?!?

The thing is, I'm not sure if this is something they learn at their mother's knee, in school or are they just born that way? I do enjoy destroying them though. It makes me feel like a superhero. They've gotten away with this shit for waaaayyyy toooo loooonnnnggg.