Thursday, 20 July 2017

Dis Tew Much

Ugh, I know! I have been neglecting my blogging duties.
Life.
You know?
In my defense, I haven't been updating my fanfic as regularly either.
And writing my stories?
Forget it. If it wasn't for me finding a new beta to read through The Post and push me to pay attention to it, I would be feeling really discouraged with myself right now.
It's just been one job after another.
Not that I'm complaining. $ is always a good thing.
 Which cover do we like? Should this be a poll? Imma make it a poll. On Facebook.

So...
It's been that kind of day when Twitter just went crazy and I need an outlet. So here I am on my blog not even writing about my books or my promotion but about gossip, I didn't even want to hear!
And I say again, ugh!
So first of all, +Jada Pinkett Smith was a drug dealer.
Did you know?
I didn't but somehow it doesn't surprise me. She hasn't quite lost her inner street thug even after twenty years with the King of Bubblegum. Opposites really do attract. I was watching Quad the other day and also Dear White People and thinking that the 'bougie' black people seemed really fake. Like they were all trying to be Joanne the Scammer and behave how they thought white people behave. (What does this have to do with Jada? Patience.)

Anyway, so I tried to think about actual black people who grew up rich and whether they behaved in that 'oh look at me I'm so cultured my voice barely goes above a whisper' way. And the most immediate example that came to me was Jaden and Willow Smith. Now I follow Willow on Instagram and she's somewhere between a fairy and a super-nerd but definitely not those Hilary Banks Wannabes. Hilary Banks felt a lot more genuine than they did. Anyway, so I thought maybe Willow and Jaden weren't the best examples being first generation nouveau riche and their mother being Jada who was clearly Street.
Anyway, I can't wait to read that book she's going to write.
From here on in, it just gets ugly so do yourself a favor and stop reading. Go read some wholesome fiction like this instead.
So Usher.
My fave.
Sigh.
Apparently, he infected his former wife's bridesmaid with herpes.
So much ugly in that one sentence.
I hardly know where to start. Okay, let's tackle the most important thing; Safety First.
Am I the only one who grew up with the ABCs of safe sex?
A - Abstain.
B - Be Faithful
C - use Condoms.
There was a D and E added I think later on but I can't remember what they were. These three though, they were bludgeoned into my mind. I grew up in the eighties and nineties when HIV was still a scary monster so it was really burned into my brain. It wiped out WHOLE VILLAGES in Luoland and Uganda. I guess the difference here is that people got infected maybe but didn't die as much in America so people get cavalier about having unprotected sex.
What the worst that can happen right?
Herpes is just the tip of the iceberg.
Gonorrhea is becoming incurable these days.
AIDS still kills.
But worse than dying from it, is living with it. I've worked in a pharmacy that served a lot of folk with HIV. Lots' of pretty people walked in and out those doors. Healthy looking, attractive, fit and HIV+. Can you imagine going out for a drink with your attractive self and trying to stave off everyone trying to shoot their shot but not being able to tell them why? Being attracted to someone maybe and being afraid to pursue it because you have a big disease with a little name? Or worse, pursuing it and facing the choice of infecting them or telling them and have them make the choice to leave you.
Life with a chronic disease is hard.
Some people have no choice about it.
Don't close your eyes and jump blindly into that life if you can possibly help it.
Oh and nowhere in the ABCs does it say celebrities are exempt.
I'm not even going to talk about sleeping with the fiance of your friend and then suing him when he infects you with a disease.
Speaking of choices, R-Kelly has been accused of having a cult and keeping girls against their will. Said girls were introduced to R-Kelly by their parents....
I can't even.
I am SUPER JUDGING ALL OF YOU.
Robert Kelly is a known pedophile.
A known pedophile.
He likes teenage girls to pee on him.
But here you are introducing him to your teenage daughter and then blaming him when your teenage daughter decides to volunteer for the R-Kelly harem.
Again, ain't nobody a victim here. Y'all are all making bad decisions. Own them.
It makes me think about this review I got about how Mya (in Child of Destiny) was wrong for getting in that situation with Leo; that she should have made different decisions. It's easy to judge a fictional character for fictional situations which reflect what happens in real life; but then in real life, we might be too afraid or whatever, to speak up.
Finally, but not really...
Kevin Hart.
*shakes my head*
There is allegedly a video of him and some singer from Miami, making out in a car.
Now I've never really liked Kevin; he's too thirsty for my taste, but...I thought this cheating thing was supposed to be about circumstances, not habit.
Whatever.
I hope they used condoms.

Sunday, 2 July 2017

An Offer on My Gay Post-Apocalyptic African Romance


Fill in the form for a chance to win.
powered by Typeform

4:44

You know I had to.
Well, first of all, I would like to apologize to Shawn Carter for not supporting his hustle legally. I copped the album off the internet. I didn't want to. But Tidal won't even let me sign in so what was a girl to do?
I didn't look for it.
Someone sent it to me.
As soon as Tidal becomes available in Kenya I promise to pay my $9.99 okay?
Happy?
Okay so let's get on with this synopsis already.

The Story of OJ

Obvs, this is the place to start. I am not a ni**a. I don't even feel qualified to say the word. But this song I feel still applies to me. 
Why you say?
Because at its heart this is a story about the powerFUL versus the powerLESS. And all of us have been one or the other at some point in our lives. We like to separate ourselves from people who we feel are 'lesser than' we are. We are better than them because...reasons.
- I'm more educated/intelligent/pretty/light-skinned/dark-skinned/rich/*insert own superiority a.k.a inferiority complex here*
And if you replace 'ni**a' with 'human', the message remains the same. At the end of the day, you're still a human, and people are still people and you're absolutely no better than anyone else.
So check your privilege.
Or more bluntly, get over yourself.

Highlights

I'm not going to go song by song but the story of OJ just needed its own fucking paragraph. The things that struck me about this album were manifold. I got the album after seeing lyrics on Twitter and I was intrigued by the use of language to make double and triple entendres.

In the future other niggas playing football with your son
Pregnant Pause...
Yeah, Hov also said 'pregnant pause' but this particular one is mine;
  • See that sentence can be taken at face value.
  • It can be taken as being about Future and Ciara's particular situation.
  • And it can be taken as an example of what happens if you behave like Future did.
  • Also, it could just be Shawn Carter's nightmare about losing his family to another man.
Levels.
In one. simple. sentence.
My Inner Creative is envious, inspired and applauding.
My Inner Sapiosexual is aroused.

Moving swiftly on...

"You almost went Eric Benet
Let the baddest girl in the world get away
I don't even know what else to say
Nigga, never go Eric Benet
 
I saw some comments on Instagram about how he should have referenced Carmelo Anthony because Lala is looking fine...

My eyes rolled so hard they almost fell out my head.

EVERYONE WHO IS UNDER 25 NEEDS TO SIT. THE FUCK. DOWN. AND REFRAIN FROM MAKING STUPID COMMENTS!

And then Eric Benet's responded with how he is with the baddest right now....

Oh honey...

Really? Who made you say that?
Whoever she is isn't even a consolation prize. Just take the L and sit quietly right there in the corner with the other men who failed to grow up in time.

Speaking of men growing up...

Guys? If you want a grown man, you need to find one in his late forties. That's what I'm getting from Kill Jay Z, Family Feud and Caught Their Eyes.
Late 40s people...
Is it sad to know or is it a relief?


Speaking of Caught Their Eyes

"I sat down with Prince; eye to eye,
He told me his wishes before he died,
Now, Londell McMillan, he must be color blind,
They only see green from them purple eyes,
They eyes wide shut to all the lies,
These industry niggas, they always been fishy,
But ain't no Biggie, no lazy eye, huh,
 This guy a slave on his face
 
You think he wanted a master with his Masters?
You greedy bastards sold tickets to walk through his house,
I'm surprised you ain't auction off the casket, 
First of all, R.I.P to Prince.
Secondly, shout out to my family for not being money grubbing leeches.
Thirdly...ouch. 

And then there was Moonlight...

Y'all niggas still signin' deals? Still?
After all they done stole, for real?
After what they done to our Lauryn Hill?
And y'all niggas is 'posed to be trill? 


This song appealed to me on three levels;

  • The whole "Ni**a is you stupid?" aspect of it is my aesthetic. My inner intellectual superiority complex was alive. 
  • As an artistepreneur and victim of being fucked by the so-called system, it made me want to find out of the box solutions to getting my product to the market. 
  • As someone who is still kind of mad as hell that Moonlight was cheated out of their moment, I am cheerleading. 
And finally although nowhere near finally;

And old niggas, y'all stop actin' brand new
Like 2Pac ain't have a nose ring too, huh

I love that 2Pac is still the SI unit of gangsta-ness. The one true beacon in a sea of fakes.

Also, I'm going to need Young Thug to stop saying he's the new Tupac.

Seriously.

Because he isn't even close.

Can he shut up and sit down.

Now can we move on to the beat?

That jazzy, lazy, grown folk flavor to the album had me wanting to drink some cognac and smoke a cigar in a blue-lit jazz bar while the band plays and Hov speaks to me from the stage. As I listened, I was feeling like, "this is an instant classic" and then I read that No I.D had used a lot of beats from classic songs to produce it and I was like, "Oh, that explains it."

It's very easy on the ears.

And then there's Bam.

It reminds me of 99 problems. It has that same feel of being inside the baddest version of yourself and letting everyone know it. Also apparently I really like reggae these days. Is it Rihanna? Is it Bob Marley? Or is it my dreadlocks?

Whatever it is, I'm rocking out!



We gotta finish this off with some Hov shade. You know what time it is...