Wednesday, 26 July 2017

Who is the Real Femme Icon?

So I was walking around the supermarket, humming the theme song for Game of Thrones and wondering why anyone in their right mind wouldn't be watching it.
I'm sorry but it just bugs me.
And y'all say it like you're showing off.
When in reality you're missing out on some of the greatest TV to ever television.
Oh well.
Not what this post is about.
This post is about La Femme and being over-dramatic about Wonderwoman.
I was scrolling on Tumblr about the time Wonderwoman came out and there was a lot of excitement from white Tumblr about Gal Gadot being all, au naturel. I read this one post going on about how every wrinkle and cellulite on the Amazons was highlighted in 3D. And how empowering that was for women etc etc and so on and so forth.
Now ever since I was a kid and Wonderwoman was a cartoon on TV, she had never managed to excite my interest. Never been 'my' super hero.
Frankly, I don't get the hype.
So I watched the movie very begrudgingly just because peer pressure.
I had a number of complaints.
First of all, they jacked the Captain America script.
Only they left out all the human connections which made Captain America: The First Avenger and all subsequent sequels great.

There was no Bucky equivalent and quite frankly they did not get me invested in the interactions between the Amazons or between her group of 'fighters' who were just mirrors of Steve Roger's gang of army Marauders (minus Bucky - I cannot emphasize that enough).
And what was that love interest?
Oh my God whatever Chris Pine's character's name was cannot compare to Peggy Carter. And I have a question. Were there no British actors available? Did they ask Tom Hardy? Did he say no? It was weird.
I have to put a disclaimer here because Chris Pine has attempted to make me care about him in many movies and so far has failed.
All in all, Wonderwoman didn't make me feel like going out there and slaying the hell out of life.
Furthermore, she was supposed to be this run of the mill everyday woman. Look at her. That is not run of the mill or every day. That is some statuesque, ripped, beautiful, sexy womanhood.
And then there is Arya Stark.
A girl.
She's just an ordinary girl. The last born of several boys and a very girly girl. Her sister was the kind of girl other girls want to be.
She wasn't like them though.
She wanted to learn sword play and not needle point.
"Stick 'em with the pointy end." Jon Snow told her when he gave her Needle. Little did he know...
She didn't wake up wanting her hair well coiffed, her clothes perfectly styled.
She woke up like this. But she was flawless anyway.
And when push comes to shove, she was like the most BADASS person, male or female, on screen.
"The North remembers." she said, after exterminating a roomful of men.
Now that made me feel empowered.
That made me feel a bit of warmth in my chest, pride, happiness, like that time Brazil won the world cup when Ronaldo, Rivaldo and Roberto Carlos were still playing. Just...crack. Or how I assume crack makes you feel.
So people are still busy looking for some mythical role model when there she has been for seven years.
Right in front of you.
I love Arya Stark.
She's my favorite serial killer.
But my real role model in this game called life, aside from myself, my mother and my son is....
You guessed it.
This picture was taken today from her meeting with the President of France where she discussed the education of the girl child specifically in Africa. Now we all know that Macron talked some smack about Africa's problem being we have too many children or some shit like that. I don't even care about his ignorant ass. But considering what an ignorant ass he is, he was still eating out of the Queen's hand and offering to launch more programs geared at education in Africa in spite of his views.
That my people is why Rihanna will now and always be the Queen of my heart and the only role model I need. Where she came from, and where she is now, in just ten short years is mind boggling.
And it's real life.

Saturday, 22 July 2017

It's All About the Nuances

You know where I learned the real meaning of the term 'nuance'?
There's nothing like that show for having an entire conversation in a look.
A few days ago, a Somali policeman shot a white woman who had called 911 asking for help.
I am just watching these headlines on twitter and the words of Philando Castile's mother ringing in my head.
"First they come for us, then they come for you."
And they have.
So, is this justified?
Is this a shooting for which 'we don't know the whole story?'
In this case, should we imagine that 'maybe she raped your mother or your sister or another member of your family'?
p.s. These are actual things that people have said to me online when the victim is black.
Well, here we are.
Now that you've taught police that they can shoot and kill without consequences, well...they forgot to mention that that only applies to 'people of color'. It's in the nuance.
Apparently, the cops didn't get that.
Apparently, sometimes you gotta lay it out for them.
You can shoot anyone you want and get away with it...except white folk.

Thursday, 20 July 2017

Dis Tew Much

Ugh, I know! I have been neglecting my blogging duties.
You know?
In my defense, I haven't been updating my fanfic as regularly either.
And writing my stories?
Forget it. If it wasn't for me finding a new beta to read through The Post and push me to pay attention to it, I would be feeling really discouraged with myself right now.
It's just been one job after another.
Not that I'm complaining. $ is always a good thing.
 Which cover do we like? Should this be a poll? Imma make it a poll. On Facebook.

It's been that kind of day when Twitter just went crazy and I need an outlet. So here I am on my blog not even writing about my books or my promotion but about gossip, I didn't even want to hear!
And I say again, ugh!
So first of all, +Jada Pinkett Smith was a drug dealer.
Did you know?
I didn't but somehow it doesn't surprise me. She hasn't quite lost her inner street thug even after twenty years with the King of Bubblegum. Opposites really do attract. I was watching Quad the other day and also Dear White People and thinking that the 'bougie' black people seemed really fake. Like they were all trying to be Joanne the Scammer and behave how they thought white people behave. (What does this have to do with Jada? Patience.)

Anyway, so I tried to think about actual black people who grew up rich and whether they behaved in that 'oh look at me I'm so cultured my voice barely goes above a whisper' way. And the most immediate example that came to me was Jaden and Willow Smith. Now I follow Willow on Instagram and she's somewhere between a fairy and a super-nerd but definitely not those Hilary Banks Wannabes. Hilary Banks felt a lot more genuine than they did. Anyway, so I thought maybe Willow and Jaden weren't the best examples being first generation nouveau riche and their mother being Jada who was clearly Street.
Anyway, I can't wait to read that book she's going to write.
From here on in, it just gets ugly so do yourself a favor and stop reading. Go read some wholesome fiction like this instead.
So Usher.
My fave.
Apparently, he infected his former wife's bridesmaid with herpes.
So much ugly in that one sentence.
I hardly know where to start. Okay, let's tackle the most important thing; Safety First.
Am I the only one who grew up with the ABCs of safe sex?
A - Abstain.
B - Be Faithful
C - use Condoms.
There was a D and E added I think later on but I can't remember what they were. These three though, they were bludgeoned into my mind. I grew up in the eighties and nineties when HIV was still a scary monster so it was really burned into my brain. It wiped out WHOLE VILLAGES in Luoland and Uganda. I guess the difference here is that people got infected maybe but didn't die as much in America so people get cavalier about having unprotected sex.
What the worst that can happen right?
Herpes is just the tip of the iceberg.
Gonorrhea is becoming incurable these days.
AIDS still kills.
But worse than dying from it, is living with it. I've worked in a pharmacy that served a lot of folk with HIV. Lots' of pretty people walked in and out those doors. Healthy looking, attractive, fit and HIV+. Can you imagine going out for a drink with your attractive self and trying to stave off everyone trying to shoot their shot but not being able to tell them why? Being attracted to someone maybe and being afraid to pursue it because you have a big disease with a little name? Or worse, pursuing it and facing the choice of infecting them or telling them and have them make the choice to leave you.
Life with a chronic disease is hard.
Some people have no choice about it.
Don't close your eyes and jump blindly into that life if you can possibly help it.
Oh and nowhere in the ABCs does it say celebrities are exempt.
I'm not even going to talk about sleeping with the fiance of your friend and then suing him when he infects you with a disease.
Speaking of choices, R-Kelly has been accused of having a cult and keeping girls against their will. Said girls were introduced to R-Kelly by their parents....
I can't even.
Robert Kelly is a known pedophile.
A known pedophile.
He likes teenage girls to pee on him.
But here you are introducing him to your teenage daughter and then blaming him when your teenage daughter decides to volunteer for the R-Kelly harem.
Again, ain't nobody a victim here. Y'all are all making bad decisions. Own them.
It makes me think about this review I got about how Mya (in Child of Destiny) was wrong for getting in that situation with Leo; that she should have made different decisions. It's easy to judge a fictional character for fictional situations which reflect what happens in real life; but then in real life, we might be too afraid or whatever, to speak up.
Finally, but not really...
Kevin Hart.
*shakes my head*
There is allegedly a video of him and some singer from Miami, making out in a car.
Now I've never really liked Kevin; he's too thirsty for my taste, but...I thought this cheating thing was supposed to be about circumstances, not habit.
I hope they used condoms.

Sunday, 2 July 2017

An Offer on My Gay Post-Apocalyptic African Romance

Fill in the form for a chance to win.
powered by Typeform


You know I had to.
Well, first of all, I would like to apologize to Shawn Carter for not supporting his hustle legally. I copped the album off the internet. I didn't want to. But Tidal won't even let me sign in so what was a girl to do?
I didn't look for it.
Someone sent it to me.
As soon as Tidal becomes available in Kenya I promise to pay my $9.99 okay?
Okay so let's get on with this synopsis already.

The Story of OJ

Obvs, this is the place to start. I am not a ni**a. I don't even feel qualified to say the word. But this song I feel still applies to me. 
Why you say?
Because at its heart this is a story about the powerFUL versus the powerLESS. And all of us have been one or the other at some point in our lives. We like to separate ourselves from people who we feel are 'lesser than' we are. We are better than them because...reasons.
- I'm more educated/intelligent/pretty/light-skinned/dark-skinned/rich/*insert own superiority a.k.a inferiority complex here*
And if you replace 'ni**a' with 'human', the message remains the same. At the end of the day, you're still a human, and people are still people and you're absolutely no better than anyone else.
So check your privilege.
Or more bluntly, get over yourself.


I'm not going to go song by song but the story of OJ just needed its own fucking paragraph. The things that struck me about this album were manifold. I got the album after seeing lyrics on Twitter and I was intrigued by the use of language to make double and triple entendres.

In the future other niggas playing football with your son
Pregnant Pause...
Yeah, Hov also said 'pregnant pause' but this particular one is mine;
  • See that sentence can be taken at face value.
  • It can be taken as being about Future and Ciara's particular situation.
  • And it can be taken as an example of what happens if you behave like Future did.
  • Also, it could just be Shawn Carter's nightmare about losing his family to another man.
In one. simple. sentence.
My Inner Creative is envious, inspired and applauding.
My Inner Sapiosexual is aroused.

Moving swiftly on...

"You almost went Eric Benet
Let the baddest girl in the world get away
I don't even know what else to say
Nigga, never go Eric Benet
I saw some comments on Instagram about how he should have referenced Carmelo Anthony because Lala is looking fine...

My eyes rolled so hard they almost fell out my head.


And then Eric Benet's responded with how he is with the baddest right now....

Oh honey...

Really? Who made you say that?
Whoever she is isn't even a consolation prize. Just take the L and sit quietly right there in the corner with the other men who failed to grow up in time.

Speaking of men growing up...

Guys? If you want a grown man, you need to find one in his late forties. That's what I'm getting from Kill Jay Z, Family Feud and Caught Their Eyes.
Late 40s people...
Is it sad to know or is it a relief?

Speaking of Caught Their Eyes

"I sat down with Prince; eye to eye,
He told me his wishes before he died,
Now, Londell McMillan, he must be color blind,
They only see green from them purple eyes,
They eyes wide shut to all the lies,
These industry niggas, they always been fishy,
But ain't no Biggie, no lazy eye, huh,
 This guy a slave on his face
You think he wanted a master with his Masters?
You greedy bastards sold tickets to walk through his house,
I'm surprised you ain't auction off the casket, 
First of all, R.I.P to Prince.
Secondly, shout out to my family for not being money grubbing leeches.

And then there was Moonlight...

Y'all niggas still signin' deals? Still?
After all they done stole, for real?
After what they done to our Lauryn Hill?
And y'all niggas is 'posed to be trill? 

This song appealed to me on three levels;

  • The whole "Ni**a is you stupid?" aspect of it is my aesthetic. My inner intellectual superiority complex was alive. 
  • As an artistepreneur and victim of being fucked by the so-called system, it made me want to find out of the box solutions to getting my product to the market. 
  • As someone who is still kind of mad as hell that Moonlight was cheated out of their moment, I am cheerleading. 
And finally although nowhere near finally;

And old niggas, y'all stop actin' brand new
Like 2Pac ain't have a nose ring too, huh

I love that 2Pac is still the SI unit of gangsta-ness. The one true beacon in a sea of fakes.

Also, I'm going to need Young Thug to stop saying he's the new Tupac.


Because he isn't even close.

Can he shut up and sit down.

Now can we move on to the beat?

That jazzy, lazy, grown folk flavor to the album had me wanting to drink some cognac and smoke a cigar in a blue-lit jazz bar while the band plays and Hov speaks to me from the stage. As I listened, I was feeling like, "this is an instant classic" and then I read that No I.D had used a lot of beats from classic songs to produce it and I was like, "Oh, that explains it."

It's very easy on the ears.

And then there's Bam.

It reminds me of 99 problems. It has that same feel of being inside the baddest version of yourself and letting everyone know it. Also apparently I really like reggae these days. Is it Rihanna? Is it Bob Marley? Or is it my dreadlocks?

Whatever it is, I'm rocking out!

We gotta finish this off with some Hov shade. You know what time it is...