Thursday, 28 January 2016

Of Strippers, Slores and their Patnas...or Its Very Complicated

This has been the pettiest week in twitter history and I am here for it! This is the reason I joined +Twitter  (and its second cousin +Instagram ) were invented. So earlier this week, +Blacc Chyna  posted a pic with +Robert Kardashian's arm. Everyone went mad. Now the thing with Blacc Chyna is, she's been trying to act unbothered since +Tyga  left her for the then underage +Kylie Jenner and failing miserably. She's been pulling +Miley Cyrus  type stunts (who else thinks that she got back with +Liam Hemsworth purely through the pity vote? Like, he's gonna come out of the closet ten years from now and hook up with Josh whatisname and I will say I told you so) for attention or whatever and looking mainly stupid. Maybe she was just biding her time until Rob was ready; maybe she had him cooking the whole time. If so how Machiavellian of her. I curtsy.

Anyway, so that began #PettyWapWednesdays the weekly edition.
This was followed by +Wiz Khalifa wait. First, +KanyeWest changed the name of his album from Swish to Waves. And apparently Waves is a thing started by someone called Max B. Wiz, was not here for this change of name because Kanye isn't 'wavy' which I suspect has something to do with weed. Now Mr. West did not hear about this mess until sometime last night (my time). And he went in on Wiz with 17, count them, seventeen tweets on why Wiz needs to fall back and have a stadium of seats.

Some of them were funny; my personal favourite was the one about how we all can't be skinny and tall and wear tight pants. Or the first one where he said he can be petty too. The most cringe-worthy to me is evenly divided between "I own your child", "You let a stripper trap you." and "You wouldn't have a child if it wasn't for me...' basically all the tweets mentioning Bash. OUCH.
Oh and then he told Wiz never to mention him or his wife or his family.
Turned out that all that was unnecessary because Wiz was talking about Khalifa Kush and not Kim Kardashian. Kanye felt silly about it and tweeted that now everything was fine if Wiz wasn't talking about Kim and he's sorry about making Wiz lose 2 million followers.
Then Muva came online.....

Now we all knew as soon as Kanye tweeted 'You let a stripper trap you' that Muva wasn't going to let that shit slide.
She went there.
Sexual proclivities.

At my sister's bridal shower, I told the girls that a guy's erogenous zone is in his ass where there is a cluster of nerves at the prostate. Put your finger up his ass I said. Everyone was like....nope.
Well people, I hate to say it but, I did tell you so.
So when Amber Rose revealed that Kanye West loves it when her finger is up his ass; well obviously Twitter collectively died. Personally I was MJ in Thriller with the popcorn alternating with that fainting grandmother. (Yeah okay, I did not get any work done).

So, the gays in form of huffpost gay issued the proforma protest about kink shaming slash gay bashing in Muva's tweet. Straight men everywhere who have felt the pleasure of the hand in the ass were mumbling about *Amber Rose such a bitch* and *non-disclosure agreement* while Kanye and Kardashian haters were all like YAAAAASSSSS! Porn Hub wanted videographical evidence, Buzzfeed was just randomly tweeting Kanye's tweets and coming up with Polls about "Which Kanye West Tweet are You?" ( I think I'm definitely the we can't all be tall and skinny one) and everyone else was the fainting grandmother.

So then another stripper named Lisa Ann tweets about how she has Kanye dick pics and she's compiling emails from him. Kanye done got the strippers MAD.
On commercial break, Rob Kardashian instagrammed a pic of Blacc Chyna as his #wcw.
Kylie has already called him the devil even though she's the one who got between a man and his family. All Chyna did was be some nigga's baby mama.

Then Queen +Rihanna blessed us with the single #Work (on rihpeat in my ear) and the album #Anti.
Best. January. Week. Ever.

Monday, 25 January 2016


Well, it's that time of the year again when stories get awarded for being outstanding, interesting and generally well executed. That's the theory anyway. In practise though, the lore says that its all about who you know, how many friends you have in the academy and of course, what race you happened to be born.
Take, +Gabourey Sidibe for example. She did that movie Precious which so traumatised me I couldn't watch it more than once. She made you feel so depressed. And then to meet the woman behind the actress and to find out what a jolly person she actually is...I mean, in that movie she was depressed 24/7; she came from a very disadvantaged background; perpetually abused...all of which were foreign concepts to the actress. She carried it off so well though. She carried it off perfectly. The movie only got noticed by the academy though, because +Oprah Winffrey  did her #blackgirlmagic (Oprah's really not about the blackgirlmagic though) and got it noticed.

Being noticed is one thing.
Actually winning something is a whole different ballgame.
So when Sandra Bullock walked up the stage to accept her +Oscars for best Actress, I inclined my head to the right and went, "Hmmm. Maybe they know something I don't?"
So I went and bought the Blind Side and watched it to see why Sandra deserved that award more than Gabby. It was a good movie, lots of tear jerker moments. Though I gotta admit that the huge dude sleeping in a laundromat is what got the tears flowing (where was his nomination by the way? - the way the movie was advertised you'd think Sandra +Sandra Bullock was all by herself). He made me sad; he was so huge but so helpless. The dichotomy was depressing and it made me think of all those real life...hims...out there hopeless and helpless and resigned to just get the worst deal ever out of life. #blacklivesmatter. Sandra's performance though, while just as good as Sandra always is, wasn't that impressive. Was it because she dyed her hair platinum blonde? Or had a Southern accent? Or had been in the game for years? Even Sandra wasn't too sure why she got it.

So anyway, last year there was an all white selection in the acting categories. This is in spite of Oprah's movie +Selma Movie  being released, and the fact that it was even about oppressed black people - the very type of movie with black people the Oscars like. This year...well this year there was a selection to choose from. +Kevin Hart had some excellent comedies, +Straight Outta Compton wasn't just excellent acting, it was educational, historic and gave one a greater appreciation of just what rap music started out as. Also HIV awareness, SUPERB music, autobiographies...and it made money on the box office. Still...all they got was best screenplay for the - caucasian - writers. Oookay then.

Can we talk about +Idris Elba for a goddamn minute and his just phenomenal body of work? +Leonardo Di Caprio is definitely the best actor of his generation; but Idris can go toe to toe with him on acting chops. They both have a way of disappearing into their characters so that you're 100% drawn into the story without being distracted by the man playing him. And +Beasts of No Nation was just as traumatising as Precious if not more so. It had me googling child soldiers desperately hoping that if those things really happened to children, it was in the past, not the present. That Ghanian kid, Abraham Attah also required a best actor nomination and we all know it. He's just from the wrong continent and the wrong colour. If you're talking about movies that evoke emotion in your breast, it doesn't get more emotional than Beasts. That was to me, the biggest indication that whatever the criteria is for choosing these guys it is BADLY FLAWED.

People are talking about +Concussion  but I haven't seen it so I can't comment on +Will Smith's performance but if he managed to transform himself into a convincing Nigerian mon...
We'll never know I guess because we don't have access to the criteria by which they choose these people. What indications we do have suggest that it's all dependent on how many friends you have among voters, how much you kiss ass and other political reasons. The sad part about all this is even if Leo wins this year, his victory will be overshadowed by the #Oscarssowhite controversy and the question that arises about whether the winners are deserving or just popular. It reduces the prestige and significance of the award itself.
I have seen some wilful blindness online. Some attempt to reduce the issue to just sour grapes on Will and Jada's parts. It's disheartening. However I have done my bit; I can sleep at night knowing that I didn't shut up and say nothing; do nothing. Over to you rest of the world.

Thursday, 14 January 2016

The Lore Says...

I've been AWOL I know (Away without leave for you uneducated ones in the back) and I'm sorry about that. It's just been very distracting of late. However New Year, New Me or whatever (not so much) and I am here to write about...lore.

Now some of you might have deduced for yourselves that +Supernatural  is one of my favourite shows. You might think its because I write quite a bit about the Supernatural myself but that's not it. It's the unconditional love behind it; the willingness to go to the most foolish lengths to keep a loved one from harm.

Its also the intelligence of the story told of course. I love clever people and the writers of supernatural are in a league of their own. Eleven seasons and they keep surprising us! Kudos to them; I wanna be them when I grow up.
Then there's the other show about the supernatural; +TeenWolf. Which is really the spin off that Supernatural keeps searching for. They have much the same lore, and a similarity in the bedrock of the premise of the show; the complete, unconditional platonic love of two dudes for each other and how dying for each other isn't absolutely off the table. Apparently its my favourite trope. (If trope means what I think it means).
I've been feeling the similarities recently a lot because this season of +TeenWolf not only has a hellhound, but it also has skin walkers.

Now I'm not playing favourites but when it comes to giving their supernatural beasts drama and coolness; +Teen Wolf has +Supernatural beat hands down. Deputy Parish catching on fire and being naked and having his muscles all on display all the while having absolutely no awareness in his amber eyes....Crowley's invisible dog can absolutely not compete. and they way those skinwalkers (spoiler alert!) emerged from the earth of what was I guess supposed to be the Nevada desert and eyeballed Kira...faint. Sooo cool.
The intriguing thing about these shows (apart from all the love) is how they take legend, and lore and mythology and interpret it. Some things could be similar, others, totally different. In the wild hunt apparently (and that's another thing - I wouldn't know about such things as the wild hunt if it wasn't for these shows) the hellhound is a protector of the environment; in Supernatural the hellhound is more of a black dog which collects souls that have been sold to the devil. The intersection is the whole 'collecting lost souls' thing but the execution is so different, yet so interesting, absorbing, intriguing...I do believe that every different interpretation expands one's mind and exposes one to a whole new reality you wouldn't otherwise have conceived. That's what makes me a fan.
Speaking of fandom; I feel sometimes surrounded by fourteen year old girls whose only concern is the screentime of their OTP. The most irritating by FAR group is the Destiel fans. I'm reaching out to those people out there who have a more intellectual as well as aesthetic appreciation. Are you there, or is it just me?
Yeah, that's partly what I've been doing with my time....And writing stories for which I have signed NDAs so I can't share with you.
Get my book though, read it, leave a review or drop me a line. I love hearing people's opinions on things.