Self-Publishing Ain't for the Faint Hearted

I am on holiday right now.
Outside of my window, the dark blue swimming pool beckons.
Or maybe I could be taking a walk by the sea.

But here I am, sitting.
Writing a blog post about how goddamn difficult self-publishing is.
You know why?
Because a self published author is not only the writer, they're the publisher, the marketer, number one cheerleader, publicist, distributor...okay maybe you're not the distributor, but you gotta keep an eye on them if you don't want any surprises.
Basically, you're running a company in which you're every single position including bottle washer, maintenance, and housekeeping. It's quite exhausting and it never stops.
Just now, I'm tackling an issue that came to my attention purely by accident. I bought a gift copy of Erase and Rewind from Amazon in order to enter the gift card into a giveaway on a readers' site. I did so because of a Facebook post where someone was asking about book reviews and the site put a link in the comments.

(So yes, while you're innocently browsing your facebook or twitter, you might come across something you need/want to act on because IT NEVER STOPS).

Well I went to Amazon to get the gift card number and I get a very disheartening message:
This book is not available in your country.
So...
I wrote a book.
I published it.
But it's not available in my country.
I had already come across this issue before with Child of Destiny when my son tried to get it for his friend. I'd already spoken to my distributor about it. They dismissed as a technical issue which would be sorted out presently.
It's a month later.
It's not sorted.

I miss Pronoun like the desert misses the rain. They had an Author Happiness Liaison. Them closing down has definitely been a step back for the self-published author.
So
1. I can't get my gift card for the site until Amazon sorts this shit out.
2. The distributor should have had this shit sorted on day one.
3. I'm now wondering where else my book is 'not available'.
4. Sigh.
I'm supposed to be on holiday!
If I had even a smidgeon less passion for my writing, I'd shut this shit down and go dispense medicine.
Speaking of passion, I recently accidentally opened an author page group on Facebook. Seeing as I didn't want to just close it without thought, I left it blank for a while but now I think I know what I want to do with it. I want to write stories from prompts. Which the group members will give me. So I'm urging you all to go and join it here so you can ask me for the stories you want to read.
Have you gifted my boxset to the bibliophile in your life yet? Happy Boxing Day.

Have you had a similar experience? Hit me up and let's share solutions.

Waterpolo Without Rules

Hey.
How was your Easter? Did you thank Jesus for dying for you and everything? I don't know, since last year and all the madness that happened with my cousin dying and my father dying...well let's just say me and Jesus haven't been close. Anyway, so my son was in school during the Easter holidays and that sucked balls but my sisters (both biological and not) and I took a trip to the coastal town of Watamu where we stayed at a resort and just holidayed. It was a good break; we ate good food, swam a lot, got fake tattoos, and I for one, did not so much as unpack my laptop. I can say sincerely it's the longest I've ever gone without touching the damned thing. I didn't even feel guilty. I was on holiday for crying out loud; the very word, holiday, implies that you're not supposed to be working. I got to know the sisterhood a bit better, bonded with my son from another mother, and my seven year old nephew with whom I have adult conversations. The weather was crazy. 38 degrees centrigrade; I mean really in a perfect world I should have sweated out all my excess fat. Anyway...speaking of exercise...

We had a game of waterpolo which was unlike any game of waterpolo I've ever played. First of all, there were absolutely no rules. Like zero. And then, as far as I know, water polo is something like volleyball in the water right? What we were playing was closer to football. We had two goal posts and the aim of the game was to score as many goals as possible.The thing was, there was no offside, no boundaries, nothing. Nothing was off limits. Including trying to drown whoever had the ball. I must admit, I was complicit in trying to drown the opposite goalie. However, and this is why guys will never win at life against girls, he was so thrilled. He flirted with me for the rest of the day. It was funny. Dude? I was trying to drown you man...
Also there was this thing the guys were doing where if someone had the ball, about five people surrounded them and tried to grab the ball away. Like a scrum. Except that when my erstwhile sister in law had the ball, every male in the vicinity was in on that scrum. From both teams. Could it have had something to do with her 38E bust? Maybe. Maybe not. Personally I was just glad there were people there with bigger boobies than me. I saw everyone's competitive streaks come out though. I mean even though she was basically being groped by every guy in the pool my sis in law did not let go of that ball. Kudos to her for determination and stubbornness. It was the craziest match I've ever participated in; sooo much fun though.

Then we came home, seven hours in the hot sun on the road. Back to real life; which means checking on social media to see what's what in the world. And I see that my baby +Wentworth Miller was being bullied by the +Lad Bible over his weight that h used to have (did you know he was part black btw?) and he'd written a think piece about how he was depressed at the time and turned to food as an antidepressant. And how he'd suffered from depression since childhood and he was damaged goods, etc etc. It's really deep; you should go read it off his facebook page. Anyway, it was a whole new level of keeping it real and of course it sprouted think pieces about how we put our best 'face' forward on social media and act like everything is hunky dory when it isn't. Except if we're +kehlani and have attention seeking behaviour by 'attempting suicide' on social media. Yes, I'm calling bullshit. I can't believe me and +Chris Brown agree on something. If someone wants to commit suicide they don't make huge announcements on +Instagram about it. They just go ahead and do it. And then, if they've attempted suicide and it didn't work, they aren't all; "I want people to learn from me that's why I'm posting" a day later. That is just 100% bullshit. And I say this knowing I volunteered for the online hotline for the You Are Not Alone campaign. I might have to deal with other attention seekers just like her and find some empathy to get them through their fake crises...God, they're going to fire me aren't' they?

Anyway my point was, just like Wentworth I've had depression off and on since childhood. I remain undiagnosed but I recognise my symptoms from descriptions of how it feels to be in that black hole. And having a child caused me to understand that its not just a normal state of being, and not everyone goes around wondering if they'll live to see their eighteenth birthday. Not that I was suicidal; I was just supremely aware that people die. I guess maybe that's why I'm not at all troubled about getting older and sprouting grey hairs. Maybe.
And that's it for keeping it real this week. Are you buying Child of Destiny? And reading it? If you haven't you should. It's definitely worth your coins. Don't forget to leave a review! thank you darlings.