Thank You, Next

So Khloe Kardashian is out here posting 'inspirational quotes' about betrayal and being strong in the face of it, Jordyn Woods is out here going to the Red Table for heaven's sake, to 'tell her side'.
Which personally is, I think, an abuse of the Red Table - it's not meant for gossip and fake redemption.
Meanwhile, Tristan Thompson has moved on to the next one.
Khloe by now should be over it. Seriously she went through years of emotional abuse with Lamar Odom, and then she kind of held Tristan hostage, and now she's all wallowing in victimhood.
It's sad.

I mean, first of all, did Tristan even want  her to move to Cleveland? My head canon says they dated for a while, and he maybe used to come home every night, and to Khloe, that's her standard for true love. So she kind of glommed onto him; meanwhile this twenty-six year old was not looking for that kind of commitment.
Before he knew it, he was living with her, and she's talking about 'forever'.
She was.
He never said a word.
Then she was pregnant.
I mean, judging by his patterns with his former baby mamas, this is the point at which Tristan Thompson makes tracks. But you can't just leave a Kardashian, can you? Have you ever seen anyone actually break up with them? They do all the breaking up. Isn't that a little weird?
Anyways.
So Khloe's pregnant and despite the fact that they can't break up, Tristan sticks to his patterns and moves on to the next one(s). TMZ does its thing and catches him. And Khloe does her thing and clings to him like a limpet.

Tristan is now officially in a hostage situation. He's locked into this relationship he probably outgrew several f**ks ago, with a woman and her family who have locked him in but keep him in the doghouse. If you want to know he wasn't the slightest bit remorseful, the fact that he was blocking her family and friends left and right rather than sitting in their judgement is all the clue you need.
Compare him to Kiari Cephas a.k.a Offset who was not only ready to take Cardi's judgement, that of her family but also random people on the inanetz who took it upon themselves to judge him for his actions and project their own hurt and pain onto him - since he was at least remorseful and their significant others were not.
So in front of God and random strangers, Tristan Thompson makes out with Jordyn Woods.
There's no coming back from that is there.
Probably much to his relief.
I don't know why Khloe even bothers with the whole, "How could he?" act.
How could he not? You sold yourself so cheap sister. He probably thinks he can come back at any time should he feel like it.
And the saddest part is, he probably can.

I see people like that and I wonder what it is that makes them not want more for themselves. I want to send them copies of Child of Destiny. Perhaps they can learn from Mya that yeah, mistakes can be made but redemption takes action, and not words.

Let's Talk About Sex

So before we begin, please go and read this preview if you haven't read the book.

Finished?
We all on the same page now?
Let us discuss.
So, clearly, the sex in the excerpt is non-consensual yes? We are all in agreement about that fact. Today I was confronted not for the first time about the fact that Mya continued to interact with Leo in spite of the fact that he essentially raped her. Whenever people speak to me of Mya in this way there is this tendency to have a judgemental attitude about her. To denigrate her choices. There is the implication that 'If that was me, I would never have acted like that'.
That's fine.
We all have that hubris.
Especially when it hits us where we live right?

This is not a post about judging people or apportioning blame. 

Leo forced himself upon Mya.

 Mya wasn't expecting it. She kind of froze and didn't fight back. Does that mean she's complicit? As someone who has been in that exact same situation, I have to say no. Sometimes you just don't know what to do, how to extricate yourself. You're young, you're innocent, nobody has given you any instructions on 'what to do in the event of...' So you might just freeze inside and let whatever is happening to your body happen and then hopefully you get to walk away and deal with it in the privacy of your safe space.

Other times, you don't get to run away and deal because the guy doesn't leave you to it. He comes back. He wants to do it again. He figures if you're letting him you don't mind. Meanwhile, you have no idea what to do and nobody to ask.

It's kind of a major breakdown in communication.

Yes, I see you guys at the back side eyeing me and saying 'That would just never happen to me. I would speak up. I would absolutely be wonder woman and drop kick that guy into 1999.'

Like I said...hubris.

In real life - and I say that not just from personal experience but from conversations I have had with other people (both male and female) - that's not what happens.

So yeah Mya might dissatisfy you for not living up to your expectations of how her story should go. She lets you down by dealing with shit the way she does. She lets you down because she is you.

Isn't she?

Then there's Leo who comes off as 'Major Asshole'. But then you get a glimpse into his life and you realize he has no role models either. He has no one to show him how to treat a significant other. He's feeling his way as he goes. 

Who do we blame for this cluster fuck?

I have a question. How many of you have ever had a conversation with your parent/guardian and/or as a parent/guardian about how to treat your significant other? About how to handle overtures of a sexual nature when you're not ready for it? How to take rejection? How to ask permission? I mean you watch TV shows and read books and someone just suddenly kisses someone else, no, "May I?" no, "Hey can I kiss you?" 

Just leaning over and doing it.

And if they are rejected it's a whole other piece of drama full of tears, upset or abuse. It's like you're entitled to be kissed back if you kiss someone. Even if you didn't ask. So there's kind of a mixed message.

Nate Parker and them are punished for forcing themselves on women, but the message that is being sent out there is that if someone comes on to you, it is rude to say no. So in the harsh reality of the moment what happens when you're torn between this two messages.

Am I supposed to submit?

Or am I supposed to resist?

Can I even resist?

What should I do?

Meanwhile, as you hesitate, the other person is carrying on with the groping and the touching and the taking clothes off. Then it's too late. Now you really don't know what to do next.

There is a cognitive dissonance between what 'should' happen and what 'does' happen. And Leo and Mya are about what 'does' happen. And how people deal with it in real time.

I had a conversation today about this topic with a reader. She was supremely unhappy with how the characters were portrayed. And that's okay. You should be upset. You should feel dissatisfied. The question is, what are you going to do with that feeling?

Sex and Violence Themes in Child of Destiny

This morning I received an email from a reader who won one of my giveaways. She had finally got around to reading Child of Destiny and she had some concerns.
She started the email with all the positive things she had to say about the book which I really appreciated and it also put me in the mind set to really hear her concerns. I need to learn that skill; I don't think I'm good at it AT ALL. I mean well though.
Anyway so she said that the book grabs you to begin with but then she wasn't prepared for all the 'gratuitous sex' and stopped reading. Now you would think that since this is how the book begins, it would have occurred to me to maybe wonder if it was too much or maybe that I should place a warning. Probably a trigger warning because the sex is in no way consensual.
But I didn't.
I didn't think.
So I really want to thank +Toinette Thomas for pointing it out to me.
I want you to be prepared when you open the book.

The email came in the wake of some feedback I'd gotten from a writing group on +Facebook where two people point out that I have three punctuation errors on the first page of the book. The question I had asked was why more people don't leave reviews so that really threw me.
Is punctuation that important?
I was dubious.
But then I remembered that yeah, I always notice when tenses change when I'm reading something so if I've made such mistakes I'd like to correct them.
This weekend I'm editing Child of Destiny to see if I can catch those. It really made me wonder though; is that really why y'all haven't reviewed the book?
- Are you unable to get past the sex to see the story?
- Are you put off by punctuation errors?

Tick the box which applies to you.
I want to talk about the sex and violence a little bit. Give a little background.
Child of Destiny begins with a sex scene which has dubious consent AT BEST. I want the reader to decide for themselves what they feel is going on.
It's stark.
It's in your face.
You'll probably be embarrassed and/or turned on and/or triggered and/or put off and/or disgusted. It's not gratuitous. It's essential to story progression and it's also a subject that tends to be glossed over to 'protect sensibilities' and yet it's an issue that plagues many girls in the world, of that age.
Including me.
I wrote the beginning from two perspectives; jumping from Mya's head to Leo's. The same Facebook page and many people before have said that that's confusing. But it's essential for you, the reader, to be in both their heads. To follow their trains of thought. To come along with them so that you can understand what is happening. To write it any other way is to make it gratuitous.
I am accepting all emotions but I want you to go in there prepared for what you'll find.
So if you've read it, or started reading and abandoned it, talk to me. Help me to help you. Whichever means you use, I'm listening.

A Post About Becky; A Post About Life

It's been one of those weeks. You know them? The ones which tell you for sure that God is a woman and this is that week.

First of all...well actually I can't keep track of the order that things happened so I'll start with the one which is foremost in my mind; and that is the disappearance of my dog. I go out to brunch with the sis and her fam right? Well Becky's already outside when I'm leaving so there's no chance to lock her in the house. She follows me to the bus stop. Now usually when she does that, I get back home and she's back. There was that one memorable occasion where she arrived after me. Like at midnight. And dirty as hell. I don't know what happened to her but I do know that a lot of people covet my poor lil pretty Becky. So this time, I come home and she's not back...she hasn't returned since.

Now when there is uncertainties about my babies; the human one or the canine one, I torture myself with imaginings about the myriad of things that could have happened to them. And my stomach twists and the acidity rises. This time though, I mean...it's not like I don't want her back. I do. I really really do. I can't bear to think that she might be er...deceased. It took actual bravery for me to walk to the bus stop the next day just in case I found her body on the side of the road.
She's not there though which means I can realistically revive the kidnapping idea. She's locked up somewhere and can't get away. When she does, she'll come home. Don't think I'm not thinking about if she doesn't though. I have. And even that hasn't managed to break me. I have decided to look on it as a learning experience. And what not to do, or to do, if I have to adopt another dog. And if I do, I'm definitely choosing a huger breed because bitches be loco around here.

Then...
One of my clients tells me they're scaling back on work...actually that might have happened like on Friday or something. Considering they're my main source of income I should really be in diabetic shock right now. But no, I'm taking it as a clearing of space to allow other things to manifest.
What other things you ask?
Oh I don't know. More diverse stories perhaps? A kick in my butt to get me out of my comfort zone? I don't know. Of course I've put feelers out. The fact that nobody's biting yet is a source of disappointment. I can't believe all these guys aren't rushing to collaborate with me. It's enough to make a girl insecure.
This coupled with the fact that I actually had to rewrite a chapter for one of my clients...well really I should be in the fetal position by now.

But I'm not. It's like I have naturally occurring Xanax pumping through my veins. Whatever is happening, I hope it continues; I wish I could control it though. I've been beset by anxiety and tried to will myself into the calm I'm feeling now and it's just never worked. Is it possibly hormonal? Different sleep cycle? I wish I knew.
Anyway, so because I was feeling so in a rut I decided to do something that was completely out of my comfort zone. I joined okay cupid. Yep. The dating website. I had this love scene to write and I felt like I've become so distant from the whole romance aspect of life. What with being a hermit and shit. I feel like I'm getting stale in my writing because of it. So I signed up and then started to browse. Now the peculiar thing about me is I've never once been the aggressor in any relationship I've ever had. I'm pretty much eternally in prey mode. So stepping into the predator role was pretty scary. Add to that, it's been so long since I actually indulged in flirting except to write about other people doing it, that I had no idea if I could even pull it off.

Well I browsed a few pics, couldn't find anyone matching my Leo Devereux level standards of poise, height and beauty so I decided to read profiles instead.
The first guy I chose had a dog in his pic that looked like Becky.
:(
So I messaged him to tell him he had a nice dog. Turned out the dog wasn't his. He was very interested in seeing my pic first thing (my avatar was the RBF Black Mona Lisa that's been circulating on twitter.Which was really boringly predictable and not what I was after. The next guy wanted to argue about what con artists women can be. I'm not averse to arguing. I thrive on it. But I've yet to meet a man who can match up to me. And they get so mad if you win the argument. But I long ago gave up on 'dumbing it down' for the fools in the back so...yeah. Next guy was just after my jokes; and after knowing me for exactly zero minutes he had made enough assumptions about me to be 'surprised' that I knew what the word 'heifer' means. Like...huh? Also, three guys in, no flirting done yet. Predictability levels still at def con five. Number of jokes cracked (not by me) zero. It's a jungle out there.
So anyway, the next guy didn't know who Getafix the druid was; did not read comic books...You notice I didn't say books? I have a son; I know guys don't read books. But comics people? You don't read comics? I cannot.
The last guy was twenty, was telling me what to do in the first sentence, and in the next sentence he was proposing.
I blame your faddas.

So that's  been my week. Make my day and buy, read, and review a book of mine?
Thanks.
All the links are on top of the page.

Smashwords Summer/Winter Sale!

Congratulations! 

You now know about the +Smashwords summer/winter sale which takes place from one minute past midnight Pacific time on July 1. On that day the special Smashwords Summer/Winter Sale promotion catalog went live. Find it on the Smashwords home page.  Readers are able to browse the catalog and search by coupon code levels and categories.  At the stroke of midnight Pacific time on July 31, the catalog will disappear.

The coupon codes only work at Smashwords, not at retailers served by Smashwords. Coupon code levels are for 25%-off, 50%-off, 75%-off and FREE.

Here is the summer/winter sale page link: 

All my books are enrolled in the promotion so 'Have at it!' * Klaus voice

Too Much Madness For One Text

I haven't felt much like writing lately. I mean I have; so many things to say - they keep me up at night...for at least an hour. It's just sitting down, opening the browser and writing has just been a HUGE detail. However the stars have aligned today; it's been an excellent day if I do say so myself - if not very productive work-wise...I had a point.
I went to the supermarket today to pick up some food and the guy at the till is just staring at me instead of ringing up my stuff. So I finally look up at him to see what the hold up is and kind of meet his eyes.  And I lift up my eyebrow (yeah I did even manage to lift up just one like all the heroes in my books) and he says, "You're so serious, why aren't you smiling?"

And I swear like every single 'please don't ask me to smile' meme I've ever seen just flipped through my mind. And something of that must have shown on my face because he suddenly became very busy ringing up my groceries. It was epic.

A funny thing happened a few days ago; I was discussing with a friend of mine on facebook, why it is that people follow +Donald Trump in spite of the fact that he's a total waste of space who doesn't even have good hair; like Becky. (I named my puppy Becky btw; coz she white..geddit? *snigger*) And I was telling her how when I was reading this overly simplified story on Archive Of Our Own, I had to ask the author why she wrote like she was writing a story for the mentally challenged. And she told me that one of her writing teachers told her that most 'people' (read Americans) read at fourth grade level and therefore it's advisable to write at that level. Now I don't know how old people are in fourth grade, having gone through 8-4-4 myself; but I know the final grade is 12th so it's way down there. And most people read at that level. 

Mind. Boggled.

Well anyway, my point was that if that's the level 'most people' are at then no wonder they think the Donald is the shit. Well this blonde haired, blue eyed person replies in defence of Donald Trump all the while stating that most Americans are not at fourth grade reading level; but somehow agreeing that his Trumpness' ideas are correct. I debated with myself for like...five minutes whether or not to reply but in the end, I couldn't help it. I gave it to her; both barrels blazing; and told her exactly why she, Donald Trump and anyone who agreed with them were huge blind fools with no brains. It was nice. I just let 'er rip. In the end, she said she didn't want to talk to me anymore and wished me peace and love. It was too easy. I was left dissatisfied. Is there anyone who has oppressive views who doesn't shy away when confronted. Because I'm here. Seriously, let's go.

I watched Captain America today...in fact, I'm actually watching it again right now. If you haven't seen it, do skip this part because there will be spoilers. 

What is it about the friendship between two guys that is so compelling? Sam and Dean, Jared and Jensen, Bucky and Steve...it's like the greatest thing since sliced bread when people would do anything for each other. Why aren't female friendships like that? Why are they laced with bitchiness and/or self-righteousness? Or unnecessarily competitive? Why can't we just love each other the way guys can? Always and forever regardless of whether one of you becomes a cold ruthless assassin who tried to kill the other?

I'm a sucker for such friendship and loyalty; it warms all my soft parts and melts all my hard parts. The thing I find with +Marvel Entertainment is that when they do a fight scene, you can actually follow it. Marvel movies are the only ones where I don't stop watching immediately people start hitting each other.In fact the fight scenes are some of the best choreographed I've ever seen. Also fuunnnyyy! Antman fanboying over Captain America; Spiderman fanboying over Captain America...

It was so perfect. And then there was the Black Panther...an African superhero?!?!? I'm like dead right now. And he was so excellent. Seriously; like EXCELLENT. He's definitely my new fave. And now I get the excitement over +Lupita Nyong'o joining the cast of +Black Panther. It's coz she's a legit African right? Whatever. It should be fun.

In other news that have happened since I was last here; Blacc Chyna announced a pregnancy! To the excitement of thots everywhere who felt like she'd exacted thee most righteous of revenge against the evil that is Kardashians. I couldn't help but feel a little sad. I can't help feeling that she kind of flicking from baby daddy to baby daddy looking for someone to take care of her by having their baby. I'm just wondering; by the time she's done, how many babies is she gonna have? And those babies are humans, not toys. You can't just return them when things don't work out. I hope they do; and I hope this is real. For the sake of the chirren. Still, her and Rob seem to be a solid team at the moment. I hope it continues that way. The saddest of them all is Tokyo Toni though - Chyna's mom. Why she likes to include herself in her daughter's shenanigans is that shit I don't like. Someone has to try and be the adult. And if it's not your mother, then who?

And finally...or whatever, someone finally wrote me a review on +Amazon.com for Child of Destiny. The thing about this review is that it wasn't from one of the half dozen people I have been politely requesting to write me a review in exchange for a free copy I repeat, FREE COPY of my novel. Oh no, it was just a random reader who came back to give me...count 'em...five stars because they enjoyed my book. I haven't really touched the ground since. Yep, that's all it takes to get me high.

I've had people review my books before but Child of Destiny is my baby and this is the first review I've had of it, from a stranger. It validates everything I think about it, that a total stranger who doesn't know me, would give me five stars for my work. Thank you lotty dot. You made my life.

Also I changed the cover.

Why Do You Love Who You Love?

So I'm working; let's be clear about that. But when I'm working at home I like to watch +Supernatural in the background. I don't really have to pay attention since it's the like eight trillionth watch but also sometimes I catch something new I'd missed in all those other watchings. So this time, the thought occurs to me because it's been discussed in the media recently, that what if the final episode of the series consists of Sam and Dean dying and going to like Valhalla or wherever and all the people they helped are waiting in different rooms. Kind of like that cop out ending in the +Stephen King Dark Tower Series which left me SEVERELY disappointed. Only they'd find like, that ghost they helped to move on, and Madison the werewolf, and the chick who probably died of heart disease coz they killed that preacher's reaper? Charlie, Benny (his original soul rather than the vampire one) Kevin, Gadreel, everyone. And then in the top rooms would be Bobby and Mary Winchester and John Winchester and...ugh, Jess. And they're all waiting around a dinner table for Sam and Dean to join them. So then they have their first family dinner in like...ever. Then it ends. That's in like after the twentieth season mind.

Well anyway I was watching the Madison episode and wondering if +Jared Padalecki has a type...Like brown hair, strong personality and if he was attracted to Madison irl. So I decided to google Sandy McCoy who Jared was engaged to before his marriage to +Genevieve Cortese. And she's like Gen Cort 1.0. Right up to the same height, the same hairstyle, the same age. Jared said in one of his recent cons that he knew she was the one on the first date. Which begs the question; why? Is it because she fulfilled his physical criteria and also whatever gaps in synchronicity Sandy didn't fill? Or did Jared just have a type from way back? (we can't really say from just two women. We'd need at least four to do an accurate correlation. 

Can you even tell who is who?

It's just so interesting. Raises so many questions about the idea of 'The One' and how we fall in love. 

Take Ashton Kutcher for another example. He was in That Seventies Show with Mila, where allegedly there was kissing. He meets Demi, marries Demi, divorces Demi. Suddenly Mila is the love of his life. Does it have anything to do with her being very close to being Demi 2.0 in terms of looks at least? (I don't know their personalities enough to say). Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Was it meeting Mila that got him into the slim chick with defined jaw and long brown/black hair school of women or was it falling in love with Demi yet wanting to have a family that led him back to look for Demi 2.0 who was younger, fertile and someone he already knew?

Wow, this theory really takes the romance out of life don't it?

You know who else has a Demi 2.0? +Bruce Willis. The girl needs to teach a masterclass together with +Rihanna and +Erykah Badu .

+Katy Perry's men, all dark haired, troubled (okay I don't know if +Orlando Bloom  is troubled but I'd bet he has some issues), unhappy blokes. Wait, she said she was through trying to save people so maybe Orlando doesn't need saving but he fits the correct physical description?

Eonline coincidentally wrote an article about how we're all just attracted to ourselves according to 'science'. If that's so, what about mixed race couples? Are Mya and Leo not in fact, destined then?

What do you think?

It's Complicated

I had this whole post written out in my head but then I got into conversations with my seez and my son about more or less the same thing ironically, independent of each other; and now I forgot...sigh.
First, an update on my 'betrayed a confidence' situation. I realised that it wasn't about me at all; I was just the convenient scapegoat to vent on. I don't mind. better me than someone who would be hurt by all the accusations flying left and right. I was just sitting there like I was Forrest Gump in the midst of a hurricane. Just watching.

It was crazy because on one hand I'm texting with 'you're the worst human in existence' on the other, I get these other texts from a fan/friend and she's screaming because she just figured out the connection between The Swamp is Full of Mystery (which you can download free if you click on the blue sign up tab over there in the corner), Between Death and Heaven and Child of Destiny. Now when you're writing shit, you kinda think that connections between books are glaringly obvious because clearly in your head, they are. But I'm finding that no, it's not so obvious to the reader and they actually need to be paying attention to get it. I'm trying to decide if this is a good thing or bad thing, but so far I'm leaning toward good thing. The stories are good enough on their own to be enjoyed for the casual reader; but if you're avid and you make the connections that is GREAT. I can't even tell you what a thrill it gives me.

Relationships are funny complicated things and both Mya and Leo and Phil and Lillian embody that. They can't beat some real life shit I've been seeing lately. A few days ago, I read this post on a buy/sell group on facebook where this woman was looking for a man. See even if slavery is abolished, we do still buy and sell ourselves daily. Sometimes we even pay for the privilege. And I'm not talking about human trafficking - which is of course bad, very bad - I'm talking about old fashioned treating people like property because we paid for their time and/or work. So this girl, she was searching for a man to be her boy toy/boyfriend. she had listed her assets, ass, boobs, blow job giving abilities...it was the saddest thing I'd read in a while. What she wanted was a man to spend time with in exchange for all this assets AND setting the guy up in business and sugar mummying him. She'd even put a picture. Nice looking girl, her assets looked real...she was rich, divorced and felt like her self worth equaled this. the same day I think, some little girl is liking my pics on instagram of my son and writing comments like 'cute'...I'm not +Rihanna. I don't get three thousand comments under my pics. I am going to notice. So I ask my son who the little girl is stalking my instagram. And he says she's some chick he broke up with in December.

Something has happened to women recently. We don't seem to understand that it's not us to do the begging and the stalking and the paying. In the words of the great poet +Megan Fox , women have the vagina. Therefore, we win. When did we stop understanding that?

Not, of course, that I am one to talk when it comes to relationships. I tend to run the other way if a guy tries to come too close. It's not that I'm severely virginal or anything; I'm just wary. Very wary. It's funny that I was just thinking about this, this phenomenon this morning and then my sister calls me this afternoon with what SOUNDS like a classic case of the same. I could be wrong. 

What I'm talking about is the Madonna/Whore complex. A few years ago, when I was on again with my on again, off again; I asked him why he 'said' he wanted to marry me. And he said it was because I could take good care of him. 

I'm that person. I'll admit it. I take care of people. If someone needs me, I'm there. It's a hair trigger reaction; I can't help it. So I'm not really looking for someone else to take care of in the husband department. I want someone who wants to take care of me. Not that I even know what that looks like. I mean I have sisters, and I think we take care of each other. But just to be in a situation where I can sit back and give up all responsibility and know that the other person has got this? Nope. Never had that. Doesn't mean I don't want it. It's one of the reasons why I love +Outlander  so much (the books not the series). Claire is this strong woman who is always 'on'. But when she's with Jamie, she can switch that off and just...relax. Jamie's honesty is refreshing too. +Diana Gabaldon and a few other participants on Books and Writers on Compuserv told me that such men do exist and that they were married to such unicorns themselves. +Jensen Ackles also gives the IMPRESSION that he might have that type of relationship. But I haven't really come across such a specimen irl.

 Everyone seems to see me as the perfect Madonna/Whore. I've had friends for twenty years who have told me that 'Now that your son is grown, you and I can...you know.' And my internal eyebrows have practically fallen off my hypothetical face in shock because here was I thinking we were doing the friendship thing and here he was waiting for the right time to 'pounce'. 

Fresh meat. 

I can suck her boobies and she'll give me a blow job and then she'll make me a sandwich and rock me to sleep. 

And here I thought we were friends.

It's okay. I have reached a 'jacob zuma' on that one. Thanks +Slim Therapy for that one. It means reaching a stage where you don't care about anything.

Should I label this post NSFW?

This is the second image I'm considering in changing my book cover. Thoughts?

Meanwhile, buy my book. 

Leo Won An Oscar

I feel like my work here is done... Okay, no I don't but it's like a major achievement of mine personally that this has happened. I haven't even seen the +Oscars yet. Just scrolling through my twitter feed and facebook page and every single post about the Oscars is either about Leo winning or...Leo winning. It's kind of an anticlimax though. Like we just wore the Oscars down with our perpetual disapproval and they wanted to appease us seeing as they are doing so badly at everything lately. Still.
Congratulations!

I'm still salty though. He totally should have had one ten years ago.
Meanwhile +KanyeWestVEVO went from letting +Kim Kardashian make all his pronouncements on social media to bombarding us with his presence. It's not an improvement. Nobody needs that much Kanye in their lives. Like seriously, can +Twitter please just listen to Kim and suspend his account? He's made me rethink my posting habits too. I think something that's even a little funny and I feel the need to post it for the world to see. Now, I'm like What Would Kanye Do? Then I pause. And think. Does anyone need to know about how I'm dancing around in my super short shorts and inventing a new dance to Desperado on +Rihanna's Anti while I find the fastest way to rustle up some cooked food? I mean...does anyone except potential stalkers really need to know that? Ain't nobody interested bih...

Also this week, the site where I publish my books, sent me a lovely promo pic for Child of Destiny. It tells you where my books are available and shit. I was stoked because I've been trying to think how to get all the sites in one place and failing. Yay Pronoun.

And finally...it's the 29th of February which only comes around every four years. If you're a Celt, you can ask your man to marry you today and he can't say no. Good luck with that. I've been bombarded lately with examples of just how far women will go to get that Mrs. in front of their name. I've been pondering why that would be because I likely wouldn't be able to parade around in my short shorts doing choreo for Desperado if I was under some man's disapproving stare. It always puzzles me why men feel threatened when a woman is a free spirit. Anyone have the answer? Free copy of Child of Destiny to the first person with an answer.

This Isn't Bragging; It's Updating

I recently moved my books that are not priced free to a new publishing platform in addition to smashwords. It handles distribution to Amazon, Google Play, iTunes, Barnes and Noble and Kobo. I'm finding that people prefer to shop at Amazon than anywhere else because that was the fastest turnaround I've seen in publishing to first sale since I started self publishing. Well...at least for my paid books.

For the free ones, I'm happy to say that The Swamp is Full of Mystery was in the top ten highest downloaded books on free ebooks.net within a week of my posting it. Which is great. I love it. The more exposure the better. And the fact that people are choosing to download my book, among the however many thousands there are on the site?...Awesome.

There is another book of mine that is doing really exceptionally well on all sites it's on. It's a real puzzle to me because first of all, the story is like...eight pages. I wrote it in about half an hour for a competition (I haven't heard back from them and I can't remember the results date or even the site); and I decided to post it because why not? And now it's been on free ebooks like for five minutes and a hundred people have downloaded it. I am truly stymied. There is just no predicting this shit.

I'm thinking maybe I should expand it to a full fledged novel. Just go to pacemaker and make out a six month plan for writing and editing. I don't know. Do I have more story? Of course I have. It's like, a given at this point. The question is, do I want to write it? I'm in the middle of Child of Destiny - Marcus Deveraux which I've kind of put aside to concentrate on work and promoting the other books first; kind of get the momentum going....

But.
Yeah.
So hit me up if you've read it and let me know what you think I should do.
The story is called Cinderella By Any Other Name.

The Plot It Thickens

For this month's East African Friday Feature, I have been challenged every Friday, to write 1,000 words of a supernatural story. It can be an ongoing story, or bits and snippets but four times for the four Fridays of October. Now in honour of the release of my baby CHILD OF DESTINY on my birthday October 9th (So Y'all know what I want for a present...buy! buy! buy!) I'm going to do an outtake story that can be read on its own. As a nod to East Africa, I'm going to give the story of the ghost slaves in the wood - how they came to be there, and their hopes and dreams for the future. As a nod to my late father, my protagonist is named Bulitia. He's the slave ghost everyone from BDAH to The Swamp to COD keeps meeting and talking to.

“You are a medicine man are you not?” the woman said to him, “You know how to heal and how to…kill?”

Bulitia stared at her, wondering how she could possibly have come by that information. Nobody knew; not his fellow slaves, nor the slavers who caught him. He had been very careful not to give himself away.  For his own sake and that of his wife and child at home: if he had any hope of seeing them again he could not become essential or important to these people. He had to fade into the background, be forgettable. Looked like that plan was out of the window though. This monster knew, and whatever she wanted from him, Bulitia knew it was not good.

“I…have some herb-craft”, he said, “But…semanya ta.”

“Oh but you do my reluctant witchdoctor. You ‘manya’ a lot”, she said. Bulitia felt his heart go cold and shrivel in his breast.  Was she some kind of spirit? How had she come to know Bukusu? He knew it wasn’t commonly spoken here; most of his fellow slaves were from Hispaniola, St. Domingue, and from West Africa. They had strong juju there; and this…creature liked that.  So why him when she was so spoiled for choice?

“It has to be you my young prince. And you will know why soon. For now, I need to transfer you to another part of my ranch. I need you to keep watch for me.”

“Keep watch on what mistress?” Bulitia asked wanting to say no with every fibre of his being. Wanting to stand up and fight and scream and rage. Wanting to escape this place and go home.

“My erstwhile neighbour…Sylvester B. Devereaux,  he has a young boy; this boy isn’t very well behaved. Sometimes he wanders over the line to my side of the fence. I need you to keep watch for him. Make sure he doesn’t do that. Kill him if you have to.”

Bulitia kept his eyes on the ground, not sure he’d heard correctly. His master…wanted him to kill a young boy? A young white boy? Bulitia might be new to the continent but he already knew that shedding white blood was a death sentence.  And though he was willing to die… not like this. Not with the blood of an innocent on his hands. The ancestors would never accept him. He would be thrown into the empty. No; there had to be another way.  Bulitia resolved that very day to run. His first thought, to kill his mistress, was foiled by the fact that he did not know what she was; or if she could be killed.

Asha was cleaning the mistress’ bedroom when she came in and leaned on the doorway watching her. It always made Asha really nervous when her mistress watched her and she would literally do anything to make it stop. She turned around and curtsied prettily.

“Mama I did as you asked”, she said eyes cast down.

“Oh I know you did. And you did it well. I just might sell you to a brothel. You’re a natural”, she said proudly, “But that is not what I am here to discuss. I need to know; what is he holding on to? Why does he still resist?”

Asha bowed her head lower, heart speeding up with anxiety, “Mistress I do not know. I have tried to speak to him, draw him out…but he just turns away from me and goes to sleep. He won’t talk.”

“Perhaps you’re not trying hard enough Asha. Do you need to be motivated? Because I can motivate you. I am a wonderful mistress like that. Let’s see, I could cut that baby out of your belly and sell it to the shamans in New Orleans. They have so many uses for innocent blood you have no idea.” The mistress sauntered forward, running one long nailed finger down Asha’s abdomen. Her nails were sharp enough that Asha thought they could cut her open if they were so inclined. They seemed to grow longer and sharper the closer they got to her womb, where the baby she hadn’t known she was carrying lay vulnerable. Perhaps it would be better for the baby to be cut out while it was still growing.  Allah knew this was no life for a child. Or for anyone really.  But what of the child’s soul? Would it be trapped here if this creature got its hands on it; perhaps she would eat it. She looked like she fed on the souls of babies.

Not mine.

Something in her rejected completely the thought of giving up her baby to this monster. No, she would protect it to her last breath.

“I will try again mistress”, she said, “And this time, I will succeed.”

“Good girl, Asha. Now go; babies are hungry things and you have not eaten today.”

Asha hurried off, before the mistress could change her mind. The only advantage to being a house slave was the access to food. The mistress didn’t care what they ate; so long as she had food when she asked for it, and drink when she wanted it. So the house slaves were fairly well fed; her field slaves too. Still once in a while, one or two would disappear without explanation. They were not sold…Asha suspected that they were eaten. So did the others. They didn’t discuss it though, not even among themselves in their own languages. The mistress was all knowing – they all knew that. And they did not want to know what would happen to them if her red eye fell on one of them. So they kept their heads down and did as they were told.

“Asha”, Laila’s deep voice cut into her musings. She was a fat old woman who spent her days ordering the kitchen slaves about and grinding corn in her huge mortar and pestle.

“Yes mama?” she said.

Laila sighed, “This time, you have bit off more than you can chew”, she said sadly.

Asha looked at her, wanting to ask what she meant but fearing that Laila already knew what she had been sent to do. The thought filled her with shame. Her mother had taught her better. Still she was a slave; mother’s lessons meant less than nothing compared to what the mistress wanted.

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Porn with Plot

For this month's East African Friday Feature, I have been challenged every Friday, to write 1,000 words of a supernatural story. It can be an ongoing story, or bits and snippets but four times for the four Fridays of October. Now in honour of the release of my baby CHILD OF DESTINY on my birthday October 9th (So Y'all know what I want for a present...buy! buy! buy!) I'm going to do an outtake story that can be read on its own. As a nod to East Africa, I'm going to give the story of the ghost slaves in the wood - how they came to be there, and their hopes and dreams for the future. As a nod to my late father, my protagonist is named Bulitia. He's the slave ghost everyone from BDAH to The Swamp to COD keeps meeting and talking to.

“What did the jitu want with you Bulitia?” the woman whispered to him as they lay facing each other on the bed. He shrugged, not wanting to even think of the mama and her cold hands penetrating his anus like…he cut that thought off fast. Turning to the woman next to him he turned her so her back was on the bed and vaulted his body over her, looking down at her luscious body as his heart beat fast in his chest. He needed to forget.

my vision of Leo/Armand when I started to write

He leaned down and placed his teeth on her left nipple, biting down, hard. The woman hissed with pain and hit him over the head but he ignored her, using one of his strong thighs to make a space between her legs. She got with the program pretty fast after that, widening her legs on her own and allowing himself to lower himself onto her. he grunted, transferring his mouth’s attention to her lips; and bit her lower one before sucking it into his mouth. She moaned softly, arching upward gently, urging him. He took it for the invitation it was and reached between them, fisting his penis in his hands and guiding it none too gently to her waiting, dripping hole.

She’d snuck into his cabin one night as they slept; five to a cabin – surprisingly luxurious accommodations for slaves. She had stepped over the other men and came to lie next to him, pressing her naked body into his. His heart was still in the hills of Mt. Elgon, with his new wife and their offspring; but his body had needs in the here and now. He had turned to her, pushed her under him, and pounded her into the floor. She’d been back every night since.

It made him angry that they were reduced to this; late night trysts that would never mean anything more than physical relief. At least not to him; he was not getting involved with anyone who would be taken from him on the whim of some not quite human master who had somehow managed to reduce a bunch of people into commodities. It was hard for Bulitia to wrap his head around and he was angry all the time.

He slid into her warm, soft, wet hole and it expanded around him, welcoming him with open arms as he thrust into her. and again. And again. The woman reached up and folded her strong thighs around his waist, pulling him as close as she could. Bulitia let out a breath, hips stuttering with desire as he tried not to come so soon. Her moans were getting louder as she came closer to her own climax. The other men around them lay still; pretending to be asleep. Bulitia caught movement at the corner of his eyes. A hand moving rhythmically up and down as Abednego, his roommate brought himself to his own completion on his right. Bulitia cast his eyes to the left where he could see the shine of eyes in the dark. Someone else was watching them; most likely Jefta. He was a short man, teeth stained brown from tobacco and a freaky little bastard.

Bulitia redoubled his efforts, pounding harder into the woman, giving them a show. He found to his surprise that it turned him on to know that the men were watching him fuck this woman. He withdrew himself from her to the head of his penis and then thrust back in with renewed force. She cried out in shock and arousal, pulling her own legs further toward her shoulders to give him better access. He did it again, grunting with effort and heard someone in the room groan. His mouth was set in a rictus of effort and he let go of the fear and anger; drove them into the woman with every thrust and then released it all in a flood of seemingly endless come. She took it all, begging all the while for more, her muscles clutching and releasing him as her own orgasm took her. he dropped down beside her, turned away and closed his eyes. She could stay if she wanted; just as long as she was gone by morning. There was no guarantee though, that one of the other men would not try to rape her if she did. Bulitia heard the woman gather her clothes and creep out. He closed his eyes and slept.

“Did you enjoy yourself last night Bulitia?”, the monster disguised as a woman asked him the next day as he raked out the stable. He was in nothing but his small clothes. Louisiana was sweltering with summer humidity; Bulitia could barely abide the weather. He was used to the mountain coolness of his home; still. He ruthlessly cut off that thought. To think of home was to stab himself in the soul.

“Beg pardon ma’am?” he asked submissively hoping she would think him slow and leave him to his raking.

She took a step toward him and ran a hand down his sweaty back.

“Your session with Asha last night; was it good?” she asked. Bulitia froze, but only for a moment. He would not show his fear for any reason. But she was watching them? Of course a creature like her probably had many ways of finding things out. But how had she found this? Did she perhaps watch them in her fire or perhaps she was right there in the cabin with them, invisible to human eyes.

But no…Bulitia would have known if she was there. He was sensitive like that to the supernatural. Just as he had felt her coming long before she appeared around the cow pen.

“Are you a man or a mouse?”

His father’s voice reprimanding him in his head shocked him so much he almost stopped working. And then he decided that he would stop; he would stop being so afraid; such a craven that he could not turn and face his fears. He stuck the shovel back in the cow patty and turned to face the monster.

“What do you want with me?” he asked.