Thursday, 14 April 2016

It's Complicated

I had this whole post written out in my head but then I got into conversations with my seez and my son about more or less the same thing ironically, independent of each other; and now I forgot...sigh.
First, an update on my 'betrayed a confidence' situation. I realised that it wasn't about me at all; I was just the convenient scapegoat to vent on. I don't mind. better me than someone who would be hurt by all the accusations flying left and right. I was just sitting there like I was Forrest Gump in the midst of a hurricane. Just watching.

It was crazy because on one hand I'm texting with 'you're the worst human in existence' on the other, I get these other texts from a fan/friend and she's screaming because she just figured out the connection between The Swamp is Full of Mystery (which you can download free if you click on the blue sign up tab over there in the corner), Between Death and Heaven and Child of Destiny. Now when you're writing shit, you kinda think that connections between books are glaringly obvious because clearly in your head, they are. But I'm finding that no, it's not so obvious to the reader and they actually need to be paying attention to get it. I'm trying to decide if this is a good thing or bad thing, but so far I'm leaning toward good thing. The stories are good enough on their own to be enjoyed for the casual reader; but if you're avid and you make the connections that is GREAT. I can't even tell you what a thrill it gives me.

Relationships are funny complicated things and both Mya and Leo and Phil and Lillian embody that. They can't beat some real life shit I've been seeing lately. A few days ago, I read this post on a buy/sell group on facebook where this woman was looking for a man. See even if slavery is abolished, we do still buy and sell ourselves daily. Sometimes we even pay for the privilege. And I'm not talking about human trafficking - which is of course bad, very bad - I'm talking about old fashioned treating people like property because we paid for their time and/or work. So this girl, she was searching for a man to be her boy toy/boyfriend. she had listed her assets, ass, boobs, blow job giving was the saddest thing I'd read in a while. What she wanted was a man to spend time with in exchange for all this assets AND setting the guy up in business and sugar mummying him. She'd even put a picture. Nice looking girl, her assets looked real...she was rich, divorced and felt like her self worth equaled this. the same day I think, some little girl is liking my pics on instagram of my son and writing comments like 'cute'...I'm not +Rihanna. I don't get three thousand comments under my pics. I am going to notice. So I ask my son who the little girl is stalking my instagram. And he says she's some chick he broke up with in December.
Something has happened to women recently. We don't seem to understand that it's not us to do the begging and the stalking and the paying. In the words of the great poet +Megan Fox , women have the vagina. Therefore, we win. When did we stop understanding that?

Not, of course, that I am one to talk when it comes to relationships. I tend to run the other way if a guy tries to come too close. It's not that I'm severely virginal or anything; I'm just wary. Very wary. It's funny that I was just thinking about this, this phenomenon this morning and then my sister calls me this afternoon with what SOUNDS like a classic case of the same. I could be wrong. 
What I'm talking about is the Madonna/Whore complex. A few years ago, when I was on again with my on again, off again; I asked him why he 'said' he wanted to marry me. And he said it was because I could take good care of him. 

I'm that person. I'll admit it. I take care of people. If someone needs me, I'm there. It's a hair trigger reaction; I can't help it. So I'm not really looking for someone else to take care of in the husband department. I want someone who wants to take care of me. Not that I even know what that looks like. I mean I have sisters, and I think we take care of each other. But just to be in a situation where I can sit back and give up all responsibility and know that the other person has got this? Nope. Never had that. Doesn't mean I don't want it. It's one of the reasons why I love +Outlander  so much (the books not the series). Claire is this strong woman who is always 'on'. But when she's with Jamie, she can switch that off and just...relax. Jamie's honesty is refreshing too. +Diana Gabaldon and a few other participants on Books and Writers on Compuserv told me that such men do exist and that they were married to such unicorns themselves. +Jensen Ackles also gives the IMPRESSION that he might have that type of relationship. But I haven't really come across such a specimen irl.

 Everyone seems to see me as the perfect Madonna/Whore. I've had friends for twenty years who have told me that 'Now that your son is grown, you and I know.' And my internal eyebrows have practically fallen off my hypothetical face in shock because here was I thinking we were doing the friendship thing and here he was waiting for the right time to 'pounce'. 

Fresh meat. 
I can suck her boobies and she'll give me a blow job and then she'll make me a sandwich and rock me to sleep. 
And here I thought we were friends.
It's okay. I have reached a 'jacob zuma' on that one. Thanks +Slim Therapy for that one. It means reaching a stage where you don't care about anything.

Should I label this post NSFW?
This is the second image I'm considering in changing my book cover. Thoughts?
Meanwhile, buy my book. 

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