It's an Ill Wind

It's been an eventful two weeks for me personally and the world in general. Nipsey Hussle was gunned down and as a result the good works that he has done have elevated him to an icon. (I was gonna make a pun about an icon (not) living but it's too soon, right?)
Anyway, so first thing I learned that I didn't know before is that he was Eritrean-American. And of course my extremely biased ass was like, "Hmm, that explains it."

And when I say it explains "It" I'm not trying to perpetuate the narrative that Africans are better than African Americans that somehow proliferates on twitter - and I think is a product of the same insecurity I am about to talk about - I simply mean that it makes a difference when you know who you are.
I'm not just pulling facts out of my ass you know? According to his bio, when he went to Eritrea, he came back a changed man; because he went home. Where he wasn't less than or different or to be feared. He was just one of the whole. He stepped his feet in the soil of his homeland, and he looked around and probably thought, "Oh, so that's where I get that." or  "Damn, these people actually feel invested in their own well-being and development from the highest level of government."
It gave me a glimpse maybe of why so many disenfranchised join gangs. It's because gangs are their governments, their structure of society. Gangs are the thing which are supposed to ensure their well-being and development. If you don't belong in a gang, you're out here alone and the biggest gang in the world - the police - has a target on your back.
It sounds so dramatic and yet it's people's daily reality.

Imagine a man dying bringing so much understanding to some random human miles and miles away from them. Isn't that amazing?
When Lauren London's kid said at the funeral that Ermias came to him in a dream and showed him paradise, I felt that, I was triggered, I remembered when my mother came to me, and my sister. When my cousin came to my sister. Always with the same subliminal message. "All is well. Be happy."

Other bad things that brought good realizations to me, personally was the death of a medical student in Eldoret, Kenya. She was coming out of the hospital where she was interning when a man who she had known since childhood and who had been stalking her, cut her with an ax.
Immediately, the Kenyan men brigade known as mafisi (hyenas) were out in full defense of the guy with all sorts of rumors like she infected him with HIV.
Now even though that is CATEGORICALLY NOT TRUE, it would not have mattered if it was because there is no excuse for murder. It just makes me so sad that that has to be stated. I personally have heard so many stories of men infecting their partners (both male and female) with HIV, knowingly, and still expecting especially the women to not only stay with them, but when they get sick, this woman is supposed to look after them.
No one sees a problem with that.

But God forbid that a woman infects a man with HIV, why, that's an absolutely legitimate excuse to murder them! I don't know what level of self-absorption this is but its super mind-blowing to me. However, there were a lot of men who pushed back and said "shut up and sit down, yes we are trash. We are trash because we immediately defend such behavior instead of condemning it."
And so for once, it was possible to separate wheat from chaff just by reading these views. I was happy to see that all the men on my twitter timeline were on the right side of history, however I need to unfriend a few people on Facebook.

My phone got stolen two days ago. Not my smartphone, the other one I use for mpesa and bank SIM. I was kind of not sad because I hated that phone but it was basically my wallet so yeah, panic. On one hand I was like, if they stole that basic phone they must really have needed either money or a phone. I don't see that they can resell it for much so I assume they really needed a phone. So I was like, godspeed to them if they do. (yes that thought boggled me with it's generosity too) but of course I immediately called customer care to block my SIM and then went to bed in despair because I knew that I would need to leave the house during the day (it's hot AF) so I could go to the bank, cancel my bank SIM, get a new SIM card and possibly a new phone. FOR ONCE, I actually had a little cash money on me, enough to get me to the bank. Which was the first great thing.
Next great thing, money had matured from a job so I was actually flush with cash. Only I could not send it to myself until 1. I got a new SIM card and/or 2. I blocked my bank SIM so that if someone was trying to break into my bank account, they would not be able to withdraw the money.
So, I actually sat at my writing desk for ten minutes, debating whether or not to carry my rather heavy laptop with me to the bank or just pray that I had enough in my account to cover the cost of everything including a new phone or...my head was going round in circles.
In the end I decided to leave it.
As I'm getting my handbag, my hand goes to the big one in which the laptop can fit and picks up the laptop and puts it in the bag.
I'm like, "Oh. So I am carrying the laptop?"

I decided that since instinct wanted to take over I was going to sit back and not try to influence any decisions. I ended up having such a smooth day. I felt so free and floaty just following my instinct on everything, no conscious thought, one thing just led to another. I ended up at the cinema watching Captain Marvel instead of Us like I've been planning to for three weeks. Imagine my delight at realizing my fave supermarket had moved into the same mall as the movie theatre.
Basically it was a capital day. And I think I'm gonna live like that from now on. No forcing things, just going with the flow. Will Smith enforced the message by talking about the conscious decision to stop being militant and let things happen when they will. I was like "Yaas brother, preach it!"
There really is always a silver lining guys. Stay woke.

Today my neighbor told me a story about a girl who committed suicide. She lives on a close by lane and had been having trouble with college. Well, when she came home and was withdrawn, her parents decided to have a pastor pray for her computer and her....
You know because obviously that is going to improve her grades.+
So by Tuesday she was not answering her phone and by Thursday her mother was worried and sent people to check on her. She had hanged herself in her dwelling.
Guys?
Can the silver lining of this story be that you cannot pray away depression? Can we internalize that? We are experiencing an epidemic of suicide because we don't take depression seriously.
As a result of this story of course I called my son right away to make sure he's still depression-free and he gave me an update on a girl friend of his who had threatened suicide last week because her boyfriend was not willing to take responsibility for her pregnancy. While he hasn't set eyes on her  for a few days he says he's sure she's still alive because she moved in with said boyfriend. So he's still coming to college...but she's not. I'm betting her parents don't know squat.
So the silver lining for this part of the story is; be present in your children's lives please whether they are living in your house or not. So many parents have no clue about the inner life of their children.

Igniting the Creative Spark

Hello Russia, how are you doing?
I was just checking out my google analytics and y'all are number one reading my blog...this week. Also Kenya fell out of the top five countries for the first time in a while.
What?
Y'all can't relate to me anymore?
You don't care about my google analytics. Let's get on with some pontificating, edutaining, exposition from your favorite neighborhood opinionated writer/author/blogger.
That's me in case you were wondering.
And yes, I am your favorite.
*does not insert Kanye gif here because he's cancelled*

In my last post, I shared with you my admiration and gratitude for Dirty Computer and this week I want to tell you how much my life has changed because of one album.
So a day or two after I watched the video, I went to replenish my refrigerator following my son's departure for school. I was kinda hungry when I went to the supermarket and what that usually means for me is that I will buy myself some chips and chicken for lunch at the local chips shop. My body doesn't really like fast food tbh. I tend to er...release the hostages really fast following such a meal and they tend to be rather loose. Meaning my body ain't trying to digest any of it. But I still go ahead and do it because chips.
However, New and Improved, Body Appreciating Me was like, "Noup. Not today Satan. I'm gonna go home and eat something nice and nutritious."
I'm not saying chips and chicken isn't a nutritious meal. I read something the other day saying potatoes have a very high nutritional value. (I was so happy y'all...) but how it's cooked matters. If you want to enjoy a nice chicken and chips meal, make it yourself.
But I digress.
My point is, I wasn't tempted by fast food because being in love with my body means I want what's best for it. And don't misunderstand. This isn't about body image/positivity or 'staying fit and healthy' like the celebrities like to pretend they're doing when they just wanna be thin. Genevieve Padalecki, I'm looking at you. It's about wanting your body to be happy because you love it. Just like you want your partner or your child or your friend or your sister to be happy because you love them.
It turns out the best motivation to "stay fit and healthy" is to be in love...with yourself.

What the fuck, does that have to do with igniting creativity you ask?
Everything.
What inspires you?
What motivates you?
What even puts you in the head space to be inspired and motivated.
I'll tell you what doesn't.
Feeling miserable.
Feeling depressed.
Feeling tired.
Feeling ill.
I've been feeling all these things at one time or another this whole year. My body has been letting me down, my mind has been clouded. Ask my fanfic fans if you don't believe me. They are so patiently waiting for me to update while all I can do is slog through my paid work and hope it will do.
Hope it will do.
I'm not a 'I hope it will do' type of person. I like my creations to be epic whether or not they have my name on them. I have standards people. So I haven't been updating my fan fiction because they would not live up to my standards.
Until this week though.
Yeah, if you're interested in fanfic, click on the link and head over to AO3; got some new stuff on there.
The creative spark is ignited by being in proximity to creations that make me feel good about myself; that make me take another look at me and go like, "Hey. How you doin?"
I been looking at myself like Joey Tribiani looked at women. Last Sunday I wrote 7500 epic words like a joke. No strain, no effort, just finger flying over the keys. The client wants to kiss my ass, that story is so good.
So yeah my fingers are sparking, my brain cells are awake and alive. Yeah I'm still sick. Yeah my arm still hurts like a motherfucker sometimes. But it doesn't matter. It's all just details now. Let's get creating!

Another interesting side effect of being set free to be the best me I can be is that I don't have time for nonsense. You notice I haven't said anything about Kanye when normally I'd be all over that shit? It's because I don't care. Kanye's issues are personal and he wants to make them global and it's up to us not to let him. I told y'all his behavior is the result of hurt feelings and he confirmed it in the Charlemagne interview. I think it's an only child syndrome. They really do think they're the center of the universe. But the rest of us don't have to make it personal. We can just ignore him and focus on creative rather than destructive energy.
And there is so much creative energy out there right now. It's weird that living under oppression seems to be the fuel for creation of epic art in all it's forms. I'm just trying to do my best to add to all the good art in existence.
I see people in my writer's groups say things like they read someone else's work and it was so good it demoralized them.
Bitch what?
Those who came before are a source of inspiration, a challenge for you to put your best foot forward and match or exceed what has come before you. If it's a reason for you to turn away from your own art, then maybe you're in it for the wrong reasons. I can't wait for everyone to discover the epicness that is my stories but that's not why I write.
I write because I enjoy it. It gives me joy and satisfaction to take a story from mere concept to published novel. To see other people enjoy it, be inspired by it, take something from it that makes their lives better...
That's the icing on the cake.