They Want Unique But Not Really

 The other day, I saw this call for novels from Scribd and I decided, why not? So I sent them a few links for a variety of my books.

Even as I did it, I realized that they weren't going to pick any of my books. It's not because the stories aren't good enough. 

No.

It's that when people ask for 'original' stories, what they mean is, 'this story should be recognizable as something already out there in the market, but unique enough that it's not plagiarism.'

They don't really want ORIGINAL original tales.

Listen, ain't nobody going to buy a story about African gay guys, one of who plays rugby and who are caught up in the apocalypse and fighting resurrected Egyptian gods. Who's written that book before? Chimamanda hasn't. Nnedi hasn't. Definitely, all the white interchangeable authors haven't. 

If you're an African you better write Half a Yellow Sun, Things Fall Apart or else, you write a generic story featuring white people doing white people shit. This encompasses everything from fighting aliens to being all sad and depressed about their looks and/or shitty parents, the classic love story; whatever it is. You've read it before and now you want to read it again and pretend it's new.

So even as I submitted my books, I knew that Scribd would pass on them, even as they were specifically looking for 'minority' writers. 

So I moved on in my mind and let it go. 

"But Annemarie," you might ask, "why bother to submit if you knew they weren't going to take your books?"

Well, for one, dear reader, I only came to that realization after I'd already initiated contact. Secondly, it doesn't hurt to try. Sometimes you underestimate people. Rarely, in my case, but it happens. So never disappoint yourself on behalf of other people. Always give them the chance to disappoint you themselves. 

It's the surprises that live in between that space that make life worth living.

Writing One Book For Years

 Alright, first of all, preorder Marcus Devereux here because you need to read this shit. 

Let's get down to it straight away. I started writing this book sometime in several years ago. I wanna say 2015 but it could have been as early as 2012. Life has been hectic. 

Now, as I write my books, and write stories for others, my style grows and changes becomes more refined and less wild. When I started writing Marcus Devereux, I wasn't even a professional ghostwriter yet. I was an academic writer with two books under her belt who decided to try out a new style. 

The closest pop culture reference I had to my style of writing is Baby's Day Out. The youngins might not know this movie, since it came out in 1994. Why did I decide to write a book using the 1st person POV of a baby during a time when I didn't even know the phrase '1st person POV'? 

I don't know.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

It still seems like a good idea and I don't think even after all this time, that it has been done before.

When I tell people or show people some of my work, they tend to get bogged down by harsh reality. 

"How would a baby know this?" 

"This language is too advanced for a baby."

Hello, I'm writing a story about a magical baby but I'm gonna get cockblocked by not making the baby only say goo goo ga? The Sussexes said their son's first word was crocodile or something. And he's not even magical. That's a three-syllable word.

Hello.

It's fiction. Its fantasy. Open your mind.

But going through my work, I definitely see the progression in writing style. This weekend is the first time, in a long time, that I have no client work to do and so I decided to sit down and finish the manuscript. Considering the trajectory of the story I started with, the content is definitely affected by my life experiences. I'm more cynical about the relationships, the slant is more real than fantasy romance. Leo and Mya still be having plenty of sex but I think there's a lot more angst, and fighting and misunderstanding than earlier me would have thought to put in a story. 

In any case, it's a fascinating process, and I cannot wait to present to you, the finished product. I think by the time I'm done, the book will have undergone as many metamorphoses as the cover.

Does Your Writing Spark Joy?

Good morning! I'm so energetic today after sleeping for ten hours last night. The night before that, I slept for one hour. I think the resultant spike in endorphins or whatever (a very technical term) has led to awakening of a further 10% of my brain.
It's science.
So I have been getting an awful lot of comments on my new chapter of my Mombasa Raha Malec fanfiction. (If this sentence is gibberish to you, I apologise. If you look at the top of this page, you will see a link to 'fan fiction' which will lead you to my home page where you can scroll down and see a story labeled "Mombasa Raha" which is an Alec Lightwood/Magnus Bane story).

The reason I think I am getting all these comments is because I left a note on my last chapter in the hopes of sparking conversation on the whys and wherefores of leaving kudos, comments and author expectation of the same.
I think maybe because of the age and/or mindset of both fanfic readers, what I got instead of discourse was an avalanche of compliments/reassurances. I can't blame readers for misunderstanding my intentions. I've seen too many posts on all my social media feeds from writers begging for comments on their fics, reassurance that people 'like' their stories...I can't relate.
The reason I even posted the note was because of a tumblr post I read in which writers were complaining that "only" 20% of fanfic readers leave kudos, even less leave comments.
Now for a seasoned indie novel writer this complaint is laughable because we're lucky if we get 1% of readers writing reviews am I right?

However, I also don't blame them for misunderstanding my intentions because most writers don't seem to write because it sparks joy in themselves but seemingly for the attention. I cannot count the number of posts from writers, both indie, traditional and fan fiction, complaining about how much attention their books are not getting.
It's such a sense of entitlement.
I'm not sure where it comes from. Who told y'all that just because you wrote something that people are obligated to read it? Y'all better be grateful for that 20% leaving kudos. Nobody is under contract to leave you even one.

Why do we write?
Personally, when it comes to fan fiction, I began writing for my own entertainment, was vastly surprised when people started reading it. Was even more floored when people started asking for updates, and was flabbergasted by the following I garnered. That was on tumblr and my first fan fic was Chrianna.
It gave me the confidence to know that my writing was good enough to share with the world, but I would have continued writing anyway, whether or not my audience found me because I was and still do write, for me.
I write stories that I enjoy reading. I do not need to be 'reassured' about the epicness of my writing although I do appreciate your appreciation. I know my shit is good. I don't really understand writers who go about slagging their own writing. Is it a play for pity buys?

("Oh no no no, you're writing isn't really horrible. See? I bought your book! And I'm even gonna read it. See, I left you a five star review. Now stop crying please?")
I don't get it. It's not proud or boastful to know that you write well. Each one of us has at least one thing that we're good at in this life. For me, this thing is playing with words and making them sing to me. These are just facts.
So, if you're writing for any other reason than you want to, then stop. Life is too short. Go and find something else that you truly enjoy doing. Maybe like leaving kudos.

But if you truly believe in your writing, then stop the negative self-talk. It serves no purpose apart from making you feel bad about yourself and that is no good for your mental health, or your work ethic.
I slept for one hour the night because I had to finish up an assignment. Trust I would not have been able to do it without the total belief that I was doing what I was supposed to, and doing it well. According to Maya Angelou, that is the very definition of success.
Have a successful day, won't you?

Great Expectations, Harsh Reality

Last week Kanye wanted to be water and this week, he's supporting Republicans. This is not a new thing. Probably Kanye has supported Republicans ever since Obama called him an asshole and didn't invite him to his super-duper White House black people gatherings that he invited Jay and Bey to and everyone else...
Except for Kanye.
And then he has this beef with Jay...I don't know where it came from. Is he that mad that Blue doesn't have play dates with North? He wanted Jay to come over when Kim got robbed? That would have been awkward man. First of all, it's not like the Carters and Kim really get along so why would they be invading her space when she's already traumatized? Jay called because he wanted to know what he could do without making Kanye's wife uncomfortable. I know it's nice when people actually show up for us like physically.
But are they really friends like that?

As far as I can see, Jay never had any friends. Everyone except Swizz Beatz who's ever worked with him seems to have a problem with him. He's not seen hanging out with anyone except Beyonce's family. It's only after therapy that you see him in social settings with the likes of Diddy. And that's probably more business than pleasure. He's at the street corner where the hustlers be; it's not a safe place to have friends.
My point is Kanye expecting more than Jay can probably give.
And we, the public, are expecting more from Kanye than he can give. His recent tweets have Twitter in a tizzy of upset and confusion. But if you step back and look at what this Candace person says, Kanye has pretty much said a lot of those things already. Of course, he likes how she thinks. She takes pot shots at Obama, at Jay Z, at all those people who are not giving Kanye the 'respect he deserves'. Of course, he likes how she thinks.
It's just not that deep.

Are you looking for Kanye to save you?
Are you looking for anybody to save you?
Stop looking.
Nobody's coming.
We have to save ourselves. We have to be our own Kanyes. Shout out our own work and blow our own trumpets.
It's just not that deep.

It's been a bit of a depressing week. I hate when I have an assignment to do and I don't finish it on time. Especially when I really need the money. So I was super stressed and broke and my arm starts really hurting so I can't type. The topic of my assignment was Female Domination. Now if you want to know what a patriarchal world we live in, try and google that term and see what the search results are. In spite of how widespread male submission apparently is, not much data is available about it out there. And the few semi-academic articles I could find on the subject tended to treat male submission as some sort of mental illness or failing as far as the man involved is concerned. The ebook I was writing was meant to be a sort of guide for men looking into that aspect of BDSM so I didn't think writing about how it's a mental illness would be helpful. Lack of data is also very frustrating.
Anyway, there I was; stressed, depressed, broke and behind deadline and my arm was hurting from all the typing. So what did I do?
I asked my eighteen-year-old son to write me a page so I could rest. Also, he's very narrow-minded as far as the whole man-woman dynamic is concerned and I thought I'd expand his horizons.
He was writing while exclaiming the whole time. But he actually did give me a page I could use so win-win. Plus he learned some new stuff about men and hopefully it will lead to a greater understanding of himself.
See you don't need Kanye or any celebrity to save you. The tools to save yourself are all in your mind, you just have to broaden it.
 How do you do that?
Reading is always a great place to start.
Visit my author page and get started.

May I Read Your Palm?

Yes yes, where have I been, blah blah? I get it. I have been AWOL. Life is sometimes a bitch.
And then you die.

However, I didn't die so here I am, bringing you some new, exciting, scintillating, amusing, educational, inspirational content.
Or am I?
We'll see. How about we get started?
So, yesterday on Twitter, there was this post doing the rounds about how men describe women in literature. That led to another writer asking people to describe themselves as a character in their stories. The answers to that post made me write a mini post about it on Tumblr because wow.
I don't know if you guys know that the narratives that you tell yourselves about yourselves are projected outward for the world to see.
So if you tell me that for example: "She's thirty-five years old, is quite pretty with makeup and doesn't give a fuck' what I hear is, she's self-conscious about getting older and insecure about her looks. She also tries to protect herself from criticism by pretending she doesn't care.
You give a fuck honey.
People who have no fucks to give also have no time to tell you about the fucks they don't have to give. It's simply apparent by how unmoved they are by your attacks/trolling/opinions. See: Chrissy Teigen.
Besides the whole "IDGAF" thing is very 2012. Rihanna moved on and so should you.

Much worse than that, there were some women who COULD NOT describe themselves because of "societal mores". I don't know what that means. What I do know is that how you view YOURSELF should be a very personal thing coming from your own inner sense of self. Let other people think that you're TOO fat, or TOO dark or TOO skinny or TOO ugly. That's their business and their perspective. You should have yours. You should know who you are and what you like about yourself. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, drop everything you're doing and find out because this is the single most important thing you will ever do. If you don't know who you are, you basically don't know anything. You can't have an opinion if you don't know who you are, you can't get to know somebody because you rely on other people's perceptions to tell you what you should think. You've basically erased yourself.                                                                                                                                            I don't know how one grows up without any knowledge of who they are, so I don't know how you fix it. I suspect it comes down to paying attention to yourself, finding out what you like, and what you don't. Trusting your gut. And loving yourself. I think. I'm no expert on emotional intelligence. 

It saddens me that so many people don't know how to love themselves. Like if I had time I would probably sit here angsting about it for a bit. But I can't because I have a test page to write for a new client and a fanfic to begin for a Big Bang.                                                                                                        

   On the book front, it's been a pretty demoralizing March. Amazon continues to be the douche bag we all know and love, making it difficult for authors to price books, making it difficult for those books to be found, making it difficult to know if they even tell you about every sale. So my new thing is promoting my author page where there are other vendors that books can be bought from. It's also a place where you can compare prices and get my free books for free. You might have noticed, or maybe not, that my free books are not free on Amazon. That's their shit, not mine. Every other vendor has them priced for free. So that's one advantage. Another is that I'm gonna host a giveaway for my mailing list. Whoever buys a book from a vendor OTHER THAN Amazon can post me the link to their email and I will reward them with another book of their choosing. Isn't that A-MAZ-ING? Of course, it is and you're excited. I can tell.

  Other than that, I'd like to give you a bit of homework in the comments. Please describe yourself as you would your heroine in a novel. Give me 100 words. Nothing negative.

We're gonna have a good April. I can feel it.                                                                                            

The Trials and Tribulations of Being A Freelance Writer

So in February, I went two weeks with no work to do. It was a stressful time for me because I don't do well with idleness, however exhausted I was from working back to back jobs. It's one thing to decide to take a break, it's another to be forced to do it because you can't find work.
Am I right?

I tried to use my time positively, caught up on some writing. Made some progress with Cinderella by Any Other Name and my other, as yet really named gay African post-apocalyptic romance. I even wrote a bit of Child of Destiny: Marcus Devereux. It was fun, I enjoyed it. At the same time, I was experiencing terrible anxiety about not having paid work.

So I tweak my profile on my freelancing site, realize I'd set my availability to less than 30 hours a week so I immediately change that to 'looking for new work' and voila. My inbox gets full again. Which was a relief because I was beginning to think nobody liked me. Or that my work was bad which is a really unfortunate thing for a writer to think.
If you're not confident in the quality of your work, you can't sell yourself to potential clients/readers. You literally cannot function without belief in your work.So it was all internal lectures and 'You can do it girl' and trying to believe that that's true.

The opposite thing to wondering if no one likes you though, is not being able to say no to anyone who shows the slightest interest in you. It's like, "Oh thank God, you want me? Yay. Okay."
Even though you might be taking on too much or the work is not really something you want to do; or you just know this client is going to be a pain in the ass but money...or the deadline is ridiculous and nobody in their right mind... I might be doing that right now.
I vowed during my forced holiday that I would find a better work/leisure balance. But I can already see myself falling into the work 24/7 mode.

My friend just had a baby.
I'm so excited for her and want to go see her; but I found myself thinking, "Maybe I can push that to some time in the middle of April after I've finished this batch of work."
The gag is, there's always a new batch of work and you really can't take the time and...
So no. I'm gonna pick a day THIS WEEK, put the work down and go see my friend.
I'm also taking time daily to update my "What if" fanfic if you're reading that. I find it helps to pass the time until Shadowhunters season 2b starts in June.
And I'm giving my books some attention, trying to bring something new in front of potential readers daily. A tumblr or instagram post, an excerpt, something.
Would you like an excerpt?
Here's one;