Oh So You WRITING Writing?

Heyyy!
It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you...
Sorry, sorry. I have my own mirror bitch. She sneaks into my writing sometimes.
Undoubtedly this sounds like gibberish to you if you don't watch Insecure. So let me explain; mirror bitch is your reflection with whom you share all sorts of affirmations including rapping if that's your thing. Usually, mine consists of lectures and dancing.

Well, anyway...
I haven't just been ignoring you out of laziness or meanness or neglect. I have actually been super-focused on several kinds of writing; which made finding the mental energy to write you the kind of blog posts you deserve, hard. I'm gonna tell you all about them and maybe they will help you on your own writing journeys if you have one, or your life journeys as well. Those are important too.
First of all, it was my birthday last week. I'm now officially forty-four.
Yes.
You read right.
I'm 44.
I'm writing it many times so I can begin to believe it.
I don't know what I thought 44 would feel like but I know this ain't it. For one thing, aside from the maybe increase in aches, pains, and that I can actually see grey hairs on my head; I feel just the same as I did when I was 24. And by just the same, I mean I don't feel like an adult yet...
Yeah, it's true. I'm middle-aged and still struggling to adult. I was going to write that my outlook is the same, and I don't feel wiser but that's not true. I can look back and see my journey and it's progression.
When I was younger, I was in a lot of pain, all the time.
Emotional pain, not the annoying, inexplicable physical pains I experience now.
I was angry at how 'the world had treated me'. All I wanted to do was be left alone and just get on with it and raise my child. I didn't understand why bad things kept happening to me. A lot of that is chronicled in Single Motherhood Unplugged and if you read that you know it's a river of pain and horror.
I read it the other day/year/whatever when I was transferring my titles to a new home and I was so glad that I didn't even recognize that girl that used to be me. I'm grateful to her though. Without her, I would not be.
So yeah, there has been growth.
There has been development.
Yet I still feel that I am just on the cusp of understanding who I am. Of getting to know who is the real me.
Do you watch Red Table Talk? Jada Pinkett Smith has become my guru on how to listen to yourself and navigate this thing called life. And as I listen to her realize things, I, in turn, come to realize that I am in a better place than even she is in some ways. Not all mind you, she's taught me a lot that I still hadn't grasped. Especially when it comes to sons and their mothers and their stepmothers.
It's a bit mind-boggling to tell you the truth. I read through the comments after each episode and come to realize how much a lot of people are still in that place that I have put behind me. It makes me so thankful...and also a bit smug.

Gratitude, honesty and not suffering fools gladly is the mantra that I live by.
Moving on swiftly...
I've been looking more and more into other markets for writing. It's great, putting out your work on ebook retail sites and waiting for readers to find them.
Really great.
Especially with Amazon's ever-changing algorithms and other shady practices that keep being exposed. In spite of how great it is, I thought that I would expand my out-of-the-box thinking to include things inside-the-box such as answering calls for submission. From flash fiction to niche stories, I've been compiling and submitting to magazines et al, because getting an entity to pay for your story is good for your street cred. It's also another source of income which I never sneeze at. Having good street cred is good for ALL your stories and so that's what I'm cultivating now.
I actually finished Cinderella By Any Other Name.
Yeah! Imagine.
It's so good. It made me cry. I was triggeredT. I submitted it to a magazine so we'll see how that goes. Fingers crossed for me?
A blog named Worthing is going to publish Sixes of One next month. I will be sure to link you on the day.
I also participated in this year's Wincest Big Bang for the Supernatural fandom for the first time. It was a weird experience in that I was probably the only black person there and very definitely the only African. I could see how different they treated me like maybe I was a lost chimpanzee that needed to be protected but obviously had no clue what was for its own good. I don't even think they realized their little patronizings.
The mod was very nice to me. Nice like you treat the 'special' kid in class. I thought that I just might be seeing what I expected to see - given twitter - but I was also doing a Malec Big Bang and a Malec Xmas anthology at the same time. The Shadowhunters fandom is a little more multifaceted, with people really from everywhere on earth.
There was such a hugely tangible difference in the dynamic.
I was just another person in the group. One or two were interested in coming to Kenya and asked me some questions but otherwise, just...general camaraderie. Anyway, I rolled my eyes and kept it moving.
Both of my Big Bangs are now up. You can read the Wincest here and Malec here.

I also entered my book In Search of Paradise for a novel contest on inkitt. You can read the story here and then leave a review. Honeypies, darlings, sweethearts, I'm asking, in honor of me birfday and turning FORTY-FOUR, please go leave me a review?
Thank you, here's a chocolate.
Muah.

Lastly, I want to end this post with gratitude. Thank you for reading all the way to the end, you're truly the best and I appreciate you. Have a good day.

Pearls of Wisdom...Or Not

Is it weird that all the original cast of 'Different Strokes' is dead except for Todd Bridges? Sometimes I have random thoughts like that. My head is literally John Mayer's Twitter account.
Like yesterday I was thinking that the description 'imagine if Erykah Badu and Andre 3000' had a baby, like to describe some gorgeous piece of music...or person. Then it hit me that Andre 3000 and Erykah Badu DID have a baby named Sirius Seven who is in Harvard I believe. Now imagine if he and Malia Obama met and fell in love and had a baby...

That baby would probably save the world from the apocalypse.
Speaking of the apocalypse...
Nah, no update, I'm struggling with choosing just the right cover and trying to finish a story for a client at the same time.
But back to Twitter. Back in 2010 when I joined and right up to about 2014 it was a crazy place in which crazy things happened. Trolls made mean jokes about Rihanna and stans clapped back. Rihanna interacted with people. Theories abounded about everything and gossip was the currency of the realm. Something was always happening.
Now...
It's all politics and oppression.
I guess the world has changed and twitter just reflects that change. But instead of a place you go to escape, it's a place where you get deluged by everything that is wrong with the world.

So yesterday I'm scrolling along, procrastinating instead of working and I come across a tweet by this blacktivist complaining about black men finding her too...It doesn't matter what 'too' it was. She was letting it affect her mood. Then just like two tweets later, is this other tweet by this other girl saying something like 'sorry my vagina's too good for you.'
Such different reactions to the same issue; men's insecurities.
Two tweets later an announcement: Tamar Braxton is leaving music to 'protect' her marriage.

And it made me wonder what it was that made some women so needful of men's validation that they would 'hide their light under a bushel' to get it. While other women are so aware of their true worth that they understand immediately that if you want me to be less than I am, that's a 'your problem' thing, not mine.
Is it upbringing?
Is it the voices of society?
In my own case, I certainly remember my mother doing her thing - I'm gonna use that word - irregardless of anyone's opinion including my dad's. Irregardless is NOT a word people. It's not. Is that why I don't need the validation from a male to just go ahead and do my thing? Did society not whisper in my ear? I'm betting it did, I'm just not real good at listening to other people's opinions about what I 'should' do.
So what to do about you unfortunates who require that validation sometimes at the expense of your well-being?
Or let's turn that question around.
Why do men feel the need for women to make themselves small in order for them to feel tall? Who is teaching them this bullshit? Why are their egos so fragile? Is it a natural thing or can something be done to make them better humans - for their own sake?
I ask these questions knowing that I have a son and I don't want him to have to choose struggle women in order to 'feel like a man' or else make a great woman feel small so he can feel tall.
I'm thinking about John Legend who wants his wife to be great in every way.
I'm thinking about Jay-Z who even with his cheating ass never stopped his wife from reaching for the stars.
I'm thinking of Kanye West who builds up his women, leaves them better than he found them.
side note: can we let Kanye gain weight without endless comment if that's what he needs to be to get better? Please. Stop with the snarky posts. The man is smiling, leave him alone.
What makes these men different from Hussain al Mana, Marc Anthony and whatever Tamar Braxton's husband is called. Who feel the need to control their women in order to feel better about themselves. What is missing from y'all that makes you like this?

Today, as your internet mummy let me give you some advice.
Never listen to anyone who tells you that you need to change to be liked/valid. They are fucking with you because they can. Because they are unhappy and wish you to be unhappy too. You are valid the way that you are. The energy at which you vibrate is perfect for you and if you are true to yourself you will find someone who vibrates at the same energy levels as you. Or you won't. Either way, you won't die.
Stop looking outward for happiness when it is found within yourself and nowhere else.

Another random thought that hit me is that dancers who get together seem to have just the right spark to make it through this quagmire that is life. Is it that it's easier to find your vibrational level when you're dancing together? Maybe. Dances used to be a way to find a lifetime partner, didn't they? These days people don't dance.
Unless they're professionals.
Anyway, Harry Shum Jr. and Shelby Rabara, Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan are two examples of dancer couples who are relationship goals.
Maybe look into dancing. :)
Hmm, I think I'm gonna make my gay African couple dance. Gosh, I have the best ideas!