Thursday, 6 October 2016

A Post About Becky; A Post About Life

It's been one of those weeks. You know them? The ones which tell you for sure that God is a woman and this is that week.

First of all...well actually I can't keep track of the order that things happened so I'll start with the one which is foremost in my mind; and that is the disappearance of my dog. I go out to brunch with the sis and her fam right? Well Becky's already outside when I'm leaving so there's no chance to lock her in the house. She follows me to the bus stop. Now usually when she does that, I get back home and she's back. There was that one memorable occasion where she arrived after me. Like at midnight. And dirty as hell. I don't know what happened to her but I do know that a lot of people covet my poor lil pretty Becky. So this time, I come home and she's not back...she hasn't returned since.

Now when there is uncertainties about my babies; the human one or the canine one, I torture myself with imaginings about the myriad of things that could have happened to them. And my stomach twists and the acidity rises. This time though, I's not like I don't want her back. I do. I really really do. I can't bear to think that she might be er...deceased. It took actual bravery for me to walk to the bus stop the next day just in case I found her body on the side of the road.
She's not there though which means I can realistically revive the kidnapping idea. She's locked up somewhere and can't get away. When she does, she'll come home. Don't think I'm not thinking about if she doesn't though. I have. And even that hasn't managed to break me. I have decided to look on it as a learning experience. And what not to do, or to do, if I have to adopt another dog. And if I do, I'm definitely choosing a huger breed because bitches be loco around here.

One of my clients tells me they're scaling back on work...actually that might have happened like on Friday or something. Considering they're my main source of income I should really be in diabetic shock right now. But no, I'm taking it as a clearing of space to allow other things to manifest.
What other things you ask?
Oh I don't know. More diverse stories perhaps? A kick in my butt to get me out of my comfort zone? I don't know. Of course I've put feelers out. The fact that nobody's biting yet is a source of disappointment. I can't believe all these guys aren't rushing to collaborate with me. It's enough to make a girl insecure.
This coupled with the fact that I actually had to rewrite a chapter for one of my clients...well really I should be in the fetal position by now.

But I'm not. It's like I have naturally occurring Xanax pumping through my veins. Whatever is happening, I hope it continues; I wish I could control it though. I've been beset by anxiety and tried to will myself into the calm I'm feeling now and it's just never worked. Is it possibly hormonal? Different sleep cycle? I wish I knew.
Anyway, so because I was feeling so in a rut I decided to do something that was completely out of my comfort zone. I joined okay cupid. Yep. The dating website. I had this love scene to write and I felt like I've become so distant from the whole romance aspect of life. What with being a hermit and shit. I feel like I'm getting stale in my writing because of it. So I signed up and then started to browse. Now the peculiar thing about me is I've never once been the aggressor in any relationship I've ever had. I'm pretty much eternally in prey mode. So stepping into the predator role was pretty scary. Add to that, it's been so long since I actually indulged in flirting except to write about other people doing it, that I had no idea if I could even pull it off.
Well I browsed a few pics, couldn't find anyone matching my Leo Devereux level standards of poise, height and beauty so I decided to read profiles instead.
The first guy I chose had a dog in his pic that looked like Becky.
So I messaged him to tell him he had a nice dog. Turned out the dog wasn't his. He was very interested in seeing my pic first thing (my avatar was the RBF Black Mona Lisa that's been circulating on twitter.Which was really boringly predictable and not what I was after. The next guy wanted to argue about what con artists women can be. I'm not averse to arguing. I thrive on it. But I've yet to meet a man who can match up to me. And they get so mad if you win the argument. But I long ago gave up on 'dumbing it down' for the fools in the back so...yeah. Next guy was just after my jokes; and after knowing me for exactly zero minutes he had made enough assumptions about me to be 'surprised' that I knew what the word 'heifer' means. Like...huh? Also, three guys in, no flirting done yet. Predictability levels still at def con five. Number of jokes cracked (not by me) zero. It's a jungle out there.
So anyway, the next guy didn't know who Getafix the druid was; did not read comic books...You notice I didn't say books? I have a son; I know guys don't read books. But comics people? You don't read comics? I cannot.
The last guy was twenty, was telling me what to do in the first sentence, and in the next sentence he was proposing.
I blame your faddas.
So that's  been my week. Make my day and buy, read, and review a book of mine?
All the links are on top of the page.

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