Corona Chronicles

So it's business as usual for me, I cannot imagine that it is for you. Sorry about that. Wish there was something I could do. It's been stressful watching people being stressed.
My son is housebound, he just got a new girlfriend, it's hard. He gets snappy. I ain't having it. Every time he gets snappy I tell him my house is not about that negativity. Overall though, we're getting along with no fights which if my twitter is to be believed, is quite phenomenal.

Like I said, the writing continues although I am having a few problems with focus. Twitter can be very distracting and furthermore, my kid always wants something. Twenty years old and he still wants me to mitigate his boredom. Like...go find something to do, kid. I already raised you!
Supernatural is keeping me sane.
Although production has stopped so there are now no more new episodes. In a few weeks, there will be no new episodes of anything. I wonder how TV will work then. Like I said in my podcast this week (the link of which is over there by the side of this post) we're living with the assumption that after we get over this one thing, then things will get better.
But the truth is, life is probably like Supernatural now. If you beat this apocalypse, there's always another one waiting around the corner.

Yay!
Anyway, I wanted to make myself useful by giving some useful tips, suggestions and pointing your way to other places that can help you.
If you're in the States, Deray McKesson (sp) started a website with various resources you might need while at home. If you're in any government in any part of the world, this article in the NY Times about how S.Korea dealt with the coronavirus should be required reading.
If you're in Kenya and looking to be helpful, here's a thread of organizations filling in the gaps that the government has left that you can contribute to.
Looking to improve your cooking skills since you can't go out anymore? Have to buy food for the first time in your life? Here's some tips on that.
Are you a writer in need of distraction? Would you like to participate in some kink prompts and fills? Here's a place you can do that.
Also just FYI, the Queen of Earth, Ms. Robyn Rihanna Fenty is featured on this single. Get into it.
Well...
I think I've given you a few things you do while you marinate in the misery of quarantine life in this post-apocalyptic reality. It ain't over till it's over, K?

The Racism of Stock Photos

I downloaded this app that supposed to help you create social media posts. You know the type right? Anyone who does social media marketing should be aware of these.
Anyway, I usually use Canva to make my posts but now with Instagram being all, "You don't even go here," to my web-based social media apps that I use on my desktop, I decided to download something on my phone.
I mean, it's fun to play around with these apps and you can use your own photos...but, however, yet and nevertheless...I have a huge beef with all-a-dem.
The stock photos all have the same white, slim, blonde blue-eyed girl or dark-haired white blue eyes man, in them.
Like, it's not even funny and I wish I was exaggerating.

I just tried to search 'Haitian Zombies' on Canva and I still got white people in zombie costumes.
I remember that I went on Adazing once to get those mockups, you know the ones where your book cover is photoshopped in photos of people on picnics, the library, whatever? They wanted me to pay $60 for that shit and all the models were white.
What?
I actually wrote to them complaining and you know what? They've expanded their repertoire since. There are actually black and Asian people on there now. Not saying I did that but I definitely contributed.
I've been following this mess that happened with the Romance Writers Association where one of their writers of colour was punished for pointing out racist shit in a white writer's story. The WoC was suspended until twitter got involved. Then everyone started resigning from the organization, which then 'unsuspended' the writer of colour. It was a mess. All the officeholders quit. It was a bloodbath. People were finally talking openly about the different ways that writers of color get a raw deal in the romance writing world.
It was beautiful.

Now I am no stranger to being penalized for pushing back against Karen's telling me my views are rude because they differ from theirs, so I can totally relate. What annoys me is the gaslighting. The 'it's not what you said, it's how you said it, I don't see what the problem is' attitude.
I'm an honest and straightforward person. It annoys me more that people try to prevaricate about their racism, more than the racism itself. If you're going to be prejudiced, then wear it proudly on your sleeve. Stop trying to pretend it's something else.
I was talking to one of my internet mentors, "Black Freelance Association" a while back about how hard it was to get the same rates as someone in the West when it comes to romance writing. She told me that there is a lot of racism in the sector. I didn't really believe her because I've been ghostwriting romances for years and getting clients if not the top tier. But after this whole fiasco came out, and people started telling their stories, I realized that not just as a ghostwriter but also as an author with a the last name 'Musawale' I have been handicapped.

Sometimes you're so used to being crippled you don't even notice anymore.
A simple thing like creating a social media post from an app becomes twice as hard because you have to either take your own photos (and I'm no photographer) or google images that might not even be licensed for use.
Have you tried to google 'African'? You will be shocked to find that most of the images which come up are white. If there's a secret place y'all get your black people stock photos, please share.

Tales from the Script

Hi guys. I started a podcast because why not? The idea was given to me by my cousin some time ago when he wanted us to do one together meshing views from the States vs. Africa. It was going to be epic but we didn't quite manage to do it.
So today I happened upon an ad for Adelle Onyango's podcast on instagram and it was a story about a man's wife who calls his mistress yada yada; anyway, so one thing led to another and I was down the rabbit hole and downloading an app to start my own podcast before you could say...Annemarie, really?
So I like the sound of my own voice apparently. It's sultry and nasal like the Nanny's. I was gonna keep it anonymous but then fuck it.
It's me.
I'm the one who's gonna be discussing orgasms and marijuana and just how gay am I? It's gonna be fun. I think. I'll try to keep discussions legal.
So here's my first episode. There is, obviously shade because I am the QUEEN of shade and I refuse to apologize for it.
Also just a heads up; I recorded for this YouTube series and the presenter said to me that I have a beautiful soul.
Yes, even with all the shade in it.
So I'm going to insist that you try to see ME this year as I grow ever more wholly into the person I was meant to be and in the process, see how that manifests in my art.
Here's the first episode, and the trailer's on top.
Enjoy!

Nothing More Potent Than the Cosign

January has been a strangely brutal month. In terms of time to write, I have had none. Yet I still have deadlines and shit.
Well...
Is it that I haven't had time to write, or I haven't felt like it? Let us examine the evidence.
The day still seems to have twenty-four hours, and let's remove those pesky four to eight where I'm asleep, we still have a decent chunk of change left.
Right?
Right.
However.
Subtract any day that I have to leave the house - guaranteed I'll be too distracted/tired to do any work. Any day I have to go to my locum. I might write a few sentences at work depending on how needy my coworkers are feeling that day (turns out I'm the office shrink). Unless I have a LOOMING deadline, I'm out for the count as soon as I get home.
If something crazy happens I might spend every minute on twitter keeping up with it. And January been CRAZY.
So yeah, I think we can decently diagnose my problem as focus... or lack thereof.
Look at my blog, I almost didn't make my own New Year's goal of writing two posts a month.
Two!
You see how bad I'm doing?
In my defence, January is not only school opening time, but it's also my son's birthday month. And this year he decided he wanted a house party...

I wasn't the only one hit with January blues. One of my clients is just flailing, not giving me work which ugh. One other is just being difficult...they gave me a plotline, I wrote the first milestone and now they want to change certain plot points and want me to rewrite...for free!
I mean, have you ever heard such garbage?
Maybe fresh-faced just-starting-out, not-really-confident-about-her-work me might have done it. Unfortunately for everybody, they're dealing with fuck-your-job-I-can-get-another-one me. I know for a fact that they need me more than I need them. So we're at an impasse.
My bank balance is crying, but principles.
So in this colossal fuck up, that is January, you can imagine how little book marketing I've done. Even posting on social media has become a challenge...not helped at all by Instagram's refusal to let third parties post on my behalf. I cannot schedule posts anymore.
Isn't that some bullshit?
That said, I've learned a few precious lessons from this whole Charlie Foxtrot.
1. You gain more followers on twitter by being an ornery take-no-prisoners bullshitter who likes to argue with racists and bigots than just being your own milder mannered retweeting self. I don't understand it. I've been taking my mood out on twitter and I just keep getting more followers. I don't even want them on that account. It's my rachet account, not my book one.
2. Sex cells. That's my new twitter name. My old one was 'let the vagina have a monologue'. I suspect about half of my followers are due to my twitter names. Which just shows their ignorance because they come from Janelle Monae's Magnum Opus, Dirty Computer and have very little to do with being sexy or available. My next twitter name will be 'I Grab Back'. Look out for it in 2020. We outchea.
3. Phew! And this is important so listen up. There's nothing more potent than a cosign. You want to sell anything? Books, music, yourself? A cosign from a well-known person in your field is worth its weight in gold. You're not gonna become an overnight sensation all of a sudden, but you will move product. Yesterday, I answered a tweet where a well-known writer was asking for other less well-known writers to tweet their book links at her. I did it. I got book sales overnight.
So a month of social media posts daily vs. one cosign...
Take the cosign.

Sigh.
I guess we have to talk about Kobe Bryant now huh?
I can't say I was a fan; I just knew he existed like everyone else on earth. So I can't tell you why my heart sank to my shoes when I gave myself a five-minute break from writing on Sunday night, clicked on twitter to pass the time and found that Kobe Bryant...and RIP were trending worldwide. Like, the only thing trending.
I immediately began to shake my head in denial. My mind was scrambling for other explanations even as my eyes were flying down the TL trying to find out what happened. It was like 1am in the morning. My son was in the sitting room on his phone, I'm in the office knowing full well I had to be at my locum the next morning but not going to sleep and there are reports that Kobe Bryant was dead.
Nothing was making sense.
So anyway, twitter was quick to give me all the details and I just stood up, went to the sitting room and hugged my son for ten minutes.
For me and my family, death is the boogeyman that always strikes suddenly. We live in the awareness that every moment is precious and that's why my son and I don't fight for longer than ten minutes and why we always hug if one of us is leaving. You just never know.
Still and all...this was a shock to the system.
Then it got worse.
Not only him, but his daughter as well, was dead.
Fuck. Right?
Did you think you had problems this January? You do not.
Of course, in a struggle to make sense of it all, the conspiracy theories have begun. Including that LeBron James sacrificed him to surpass his record.

The comments being left on his Instagram are nothing short of cruel and crazy.
People are also looking back on his life, and seeing 'signs'. I'm not dismissing them - there definitely is more going on in this world than is found in my religion. And in the attempt of making sense of death that seems arbitrary and senseless, we grab for what we can find. In this case, it's a video of Kobe's last game.

In which, the number 41 apparently featured in various ways. Can you find them for yourself?
I prefer to make sense of things another way. By looking for the good, for the lesson, I can learn from his life or his death. And for me it is a reminder:
- that life is short so make full use of every twenty four hours.
- that it's not the days in our lives but the lives in our days.
- love is the only thing worth having. Everything else you leave behind.
- Everything ends. Make peace with that.
- What will my legacy be?
Nevertheless, all of those lessons simply cover a wound. A wound that gets scabbed over until the next time something hits it and then it's open and bleeding again. The wound of loss, of holes that will never be filled no matter how long ago they happened, of families left broken and devastated. Of the fragility of life.
When something like this happens, its always a shock to the system that misaligns us in a way we never recover from. The shock of Aaliyah's death, of Prince's death, are things that can still unman me. I'm not even going to talk about my mother's, or my cousin's death. The unreasoning anger that still hits me from time to time at my dad for dying...
You just learn to live with the new normal of having these souls absent from the world. Maybe that's what heaven is; a place where these holes are filled.
I saw this post on red table talk from a woman whose son had died. She was asking for someone to give her a reason to live. And I didn't post a reply because I couldn't think of one single reason. You lose your child, what else is there.
Pray for Vanessa Bryant and those other mothers and fathers who are right there right now.

Phew! Okay now that I've dragged you all down with me, let's end this cluster fuck with the blatant display of black excellence that was the Grammys. Alicia Keys managed to give us a way to process grief with music. She was phenomenal. Y'all need to stop hating on this wonderful specimen of humanity. Yes, Swizz Beatz was married to someone else when she met him. They fell in love. Get over it. Hating on her will not fix your relationship.
I'm going to say something that could be interpreted as hate speech but it isn't. It's observing with my eyes.
Black artists are in a league of their own. This Billie person who won all those Grammys even said it herself. "Why? So many other people deserve this more than me."
She might have just been talking but it was 100% facts. Tyler the Creator is in a league of his own. He's not even competing with you ho's. He's in the fifth element with Jaden and Willow Smith.
Gary Clark Jr. fusing reggae and rock was just...*shaking my head*
But their work is barely recognized, instead, white mediocrity is rewarded. I feel sad. I feel sad for white people with their mediocrity and just how small they are. I feel glad that however much dismissal and denial happens, the greatness of black people shines through.
I'm not mincing my words in 2020.

Rihanna's Album is Late? Can Relate.

Seems a bit arrogant innit? Talking about can relate to Rihanna'?
The truth is that whether we like it or not, we all have a brand. We all have a vibe that we're associated with. Call it reputation if you like.
I've been watching first with amusement and then with a bit of discomfort on behalf of Herself as the 'where's the album' memes have flourished. And as is customary with our queen, nobody makes fun of Rihanna better than she does.

2019 came and went and  no album was released...and some people got ugly. Someone tried to start a hashtag about #rihannaisaliar but the navy don't play dat shit. Me as a creative, with a book who's launch has been delayed three times because its just not ready, I get it. There's a lot of oneself poured into a body of work be it a book, a movie or an album.
A lot of blood, sweat and tears.
There's also second-guessing and tweaking and self-doubt, editing, one more pass through, completely change that passage...
Phew...come to think of it, Marcus Devereaux just might be delayed again.
Jokes.
Maybe not.
On top of that, when it's not the only thing you got going on, when you have multiple projects on your plate, you're going to have time constraints. Time management is the most complicated issue of our time in my humble opinion. We might all have the same 24 hours but to squeeze every bit of use out of every minute is a skill that few possess. It's about awareness of what you're doing all the time. Me as myself I get sidetracked easily.
Another factor to take into account is the sense of urgency...or lack thereof.
Let's face it, Rihanna released one album every year for seven years because she had to.
She had obligations to meet, a domestic violence issue to overcome as well as an almost bankruptcy. She was growing towards something. She was growing towards where she is now. Now, that sense of urgency, the need to have the album ready at a deadline, is no longer a consideration.
I'll tell you why this is a good thing. When you're not producing content to fit a criteria, when it's just for you as a creative outlet, it allows you to sit back and do what you like. And from that, we have a magnum opus such as Anti.
I'm not there yet, and yet, I am. I am producing books for myself, rather than for whatever someone else thinks the market wants. Of course, I'm not doing it from the top of the heap but from the bottom. However, that is because I do not rely on my art to make a living. Or rather I have separated my 'writing for a living' (ghostwriting) from my 'writing stories for myself' (books) which is also separated from 'writing for fun and just trying out new ways to write' (fan-fiction). That way, there is no urgency to the books, no need for them to become bestsellers right away. I can 'build my brand' and hope that the rest happens organically.

The thing with building a brand is that it takes time. It's a slow process. You make mistakes, course correct and then again. In my case, I always say to myself; 'it's a marathon, not a sprint.' Nevertheless, even for a marathon, you still gotta get up every day and do the work.
Ask Eliud Kipchoge.
Even when you're going slow, you need to be working towards something, have a goal, a vision, a touchstone that you're determined to reach.Then you work towards it every day. I see online, mostly on Facebook, how frustrated writers get when their books are not selling as fast as J.K. Rowling's or what's that 'Fifty Shades' writer called? They want to throw a tantrum online and yet they haven't put in the work.

My own template for book success is Diana Gabaldon. We're a lot alike. She's a scientist and so am I. She wrote the first Outlander book just to try and see if she could. I did the same with Child of Destiny - which is still my number one seller. She started writing seriously at 36 and so did I. It took her twenty years to achieve worldwide success...That's where I also hope to end up including the TV series and eight book series. (well...I'm already on book 5 so...).

I know long term readers of my blog know my absolute fealty to Rihanna. But what you might not know is that it's not just about second-hand validation or whatever being a 'stan' is supposed to be about. She doesn't mean to be, but Rihanna is just one of those people who were put on this earth to be an inspiration simply by being herself.
Living out loud and proud.
While in the public eye.
Yet keeping us as much out of her business as she possibly can.
She's the blueprint.
The template.
But the gag is...you can't do that on your own. Rihanna the brand contains a lot more people than just her. Just recently, she launched a new collaboration on her SavagexFenty line with Adam Selman. And I looked at it and I thought, "This is more like what I thought the whole Rihanna lingerie line would look like." For one thing, the bra has this zip that not only looks sexy and like a serious domme move...it's also very practical if you're a breastfeeding mother. Adam Selman is a long time collaborator of Riri's and probably what we take for 'Rihanna style' is a combination of both their creative input.
The Mastermind.
Ever since I read about that concept (of the mastermind) I've been trying to gather and collect my own group of 'creative synergizers'. It's difficult to do in real life but my twitter feed is curated in such a way that I get what I need on there and I try to join Facebook groups that will assist me to at least keep up with the happenings in the various industries and subjects that I am interested in.
It helps.
Learning is a continuous process if you want to succeed at anything.
2020 is all about elevation. Sure America is trying to kill us with this Russian Puppet Buffoon they chose to lead them but don't let the bad stuff get you down.

Happy New Decade!

Hi guys.
Congratulations on staying alive and seeing this new decade of the millennium. I see a lot of people recapping their year on Instagram and I am blown away because I can hardly remember what I did last week. I do remember quite clearly, the last significant New Year; that of the turn of the century. I was pregnant as fuck, and my mother was apparently quite afraid that Y2k was real.
Everyone else was out or away but I was way too pregnant to do anything except hang around waiting to give birth so my mama and I were watching TV.
It was either a marathon of 24 or a marathon of La Femme Nikita; I'm not sure which. Anyway, it was midnight, and my mother ran off to get the bible for some reason. I did my best not to laugh at her but it was truly funny. I don't know what she expected to happen.
Anyway, so...that was my last clear memory of a New Year's. I think we spent last new year's with my sister and her family. Or was it the year before.
Getting old is super crazy.

So...
What comes next for us?
One thing I've learned from all the "this was me in 2009" vs. "this was me in 2019" posts on twitter is that I should take more photos. So that's something I aim to do more of in 2020, especially since my new phone has an excellent camera.
The next thing I've learned is that I am a lot faster writer than I give myself credit for. My problem is procrastination. Imma try to do less of that if I can. Or at least, timetable my procrastination so as to leave a little time for actual writing.
One thing I know for sure is that I am currently at full capacity with work and trying to write novels as well is biting off more than I can chew. But I can write short stories and submit them to magazines. I can do that.
Achievable goals. That's my thing for 2020. No grandiose ideals, no lofty plans, just crumb by crumb and we'll build a mountain.

The most important thing though is to make time for the people I love. My son has bare time for me; he has his phone and his friends. He has school and various households that require his presence on a regular basis. But when we are together, he needs to know that I am present. I'm proud that I made an effort in 2019 to attend functions I was invited to; I'm going to try to escalate that into proactively seeking people out for lunch, or coffee or just talking. However, that goes both ways and it'd be nice if people sought me out too. Otherwise, you just feel like a nuisance.

Finally, I undertake to have at least two major blog post per month; quality over quantity. I pledge to step up my content, make it even more edutaining. So, Happy New Year everyone. Whether you go big or go home, or take it one tiny step at a time; your dreams are valid.

Nuance, Let's Talk About It

So I was sitting on the loo, releasing the hostages and watching John Mayer's Instagram show, named Current Mood. John Mayer was one of my first white crushes after Bon Jovi and I was just reflecting how when we like someone, we can forgive them a lot of shit.
Like that time he joked about how he has a white supremacist dick, remember? I mean...I laughed. I got what he was trying to say. If your dick can't get hard for skin that's not white - except for Holly Robinson Peete - what the hell can you do about it?
I mean seriously.

I don't think I can be sexually attracted to a white person. If it's not the blue veiny skin, it's the liver spots, the freckles...man listen...I have an active imagination and you just don't want to know. And that's just when they're young. When they're old and the skin starts to wrinkle...I literally cannot. The body hair...it's not sexually stimulating to me. So I get it. You are attracted to what you're familiar with. Hell, most people are attracted to people who literally look like them.
The bestest example I have - unfortunately - is Rihanna. If you look at the three men she's been with they all look alike, and the person they all look like...is Rory Fenty.
All of this to say that I get where John Mayer was coming from and it's not racism. Your dick is socialized, just as you are, to find certain someone's attractive, to want to mate with this, as opposed to that.

Maybe if I grew up amongst more white people I wouldn't find their whole 'you can see their veins and unoxygenated blood literally pumping while you watch' thing so offputting. And it's not even to say I don't find white people attractive. Hell John Mayer is hot, Shawn Mendes too...Ummm, Bon Jovi, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki...all very attractive and I enjoy watching them. But I wouldn't want to see them naked. Truly there are not that many celebrities I want to see naked, not even Idris Elba.
That's why I don't write reader insert fanfiction. Please leave me out of that shit, man.
I'm betting in John Mayer's life he hasn't seen many black people naked. And if he has, he has to contend with dark brown areolas instead of pink, the fact that they don't get all red when they're aroused so he might actually have to ask if they're enjoying themselves, and the whole, pupils become pinpoints - I suppose it's hard to tell when you're dealing with brown-eyed girls.
It's a different dynamic.

All of this to say, sometimes it's racism, like that thing with Jay Leno and the Koreans eating dogs which got Gabrielle Union fired (also racism) but other times, it's just how life is.
Nuance.
It's a fast disappearing concept.
There's a lot of racism depicted in Child of Destiny although I never once use the word. It'd be interesting to know if you noticed or not. Hit me up.