Thursday, 31 March 2016

Is It Too Late Now To Say Sooorrry?

I did a bad thing yesterday; I betrayed a confidence. I didn't do it on purpose mind - I thought the person I was telling was already generally informed on the issue we were discussing and...we were just discussing it with a view to finding a solution/way forward. But apparently the person whose confidence I betrayed didn't see it that way. Her stand is she told me something in confidence and I should have kept it that way.

I find myself having these internal arguments with myself about it. I get that she's mad at me, and I told someone something she didn't want them to know. I get that. I apologised. But deep inside I gotta admit I don't feel like I did something wrong. And I've been on the other side of this equation many times. I've been the one who feels betrayed about someone telling something I told them, so I should know better. I should feel bad. But I don't. I find that I have this 'but...' 'but I...' thing going round in my head, trying to justify what I did.

And it's like I'm also an objective third person, watching myself struggle with the fact that I should feel sorry and I don't at the same time being aware that I did something wrong. Also I don't want to stop helping the person whose confidence I betrayed. I want to help her with her issue because I can. But I also don't want to force my presence on her and try to make it seem that I know better than her what is good for her. I have this cousin see, who does that. She tells you what she thinks should be going on with you and what you should be doing about it and it's really by the grace of the God I'm not speaking to right now that I haven't shanked her. So I don't want to be her. But I also think that this girl is over-reacting.

And I feel bad for thinking that because hey, I BETRAYED A CONFIDENCE. Even if I didn't do it on purpose (there I go with the justifications) I still did it. And she should be able to be mad about that if she wants to be. But I'm thinking she's missing the big picture here. Which is the why we were even discussing it in the first place. It wasn't for idle gossip, or malice or just passing information. We were trying to find ways to make it better for her and in the course of doing that...I BETRAYED A CONFIDENCE. So I'm kind of in that place where I don't know what to feel. Should I be sad? Should I go about my business and hope that she comes around? What should I do?

It's like today's episode of +Supernatural . Life is just crazy on so many levels.
In other news I'm thinking about changing my Child of Destiny's a sample of some designs I'm looking at. Please say something.

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