Thursday, 16 February 2017

Let's Talk About Dubious Consent

When I was doing my Higher Diploma in Counseling Studies, I chose as my dissertation a topic that is close to my heart;
The Effects of Child Sexual Abuse on the Adult Survivor.
It was crazy because I went into the topic thinking that it was just me who was molested as a child. As part of my study, I interviewed various women (and men) about any experiences they might have had to do with molestation and how they're coping as adults. My sample population were my friends, neighbors, friends of friends...basically anyone who had a childhood story they were willing to share. As students of counseling there might have been some cheating because a few of my classmates knew of suitable candidates for my study and sent me their way. But the majority of my subjects were just randoms. For example, this one day I was sitting down with a group of girls my son had introduced me to. He used to come home and say he was playing with f%^&*@ma and I thought this f%^&*@ma was another kid. Turns out she was a grown ass adult and we became friends too. So I was sitting in her house one day and so were various girls from the neighborhood. I told them a few stories from my study and you know what? Every single girl in that room had a story for me.

Let me be clear.
When I say child sexual abuse, I'm not just talking about full on rape. I'm talking being kissed by a full grown man when you're a kid, fondled, touched in the bad place, having your boobs squeezed, pushed down and being forced to make out by someone's who's "trying to be your boyfriend"....Every situation where somebody with more power than you has forced you to go further than you are comfortable with.
What I came to learn is that every girl, and quite a few guys, have a story when it comes to being sexually molested. I thought I was alone but it turned out I was just one of...everyone.
What happened to Mya in the beginning of Child of Destiny is a product of some of that painful reality. It's a realistic depiction of what happens with dubious consent. I've heard this same story more than once, happening in just this way. It's not my story, it's everygirl's story.
So I do understand sometimes when people say to me that it's too hard to read.
Nevertheless, I felt that it's a story that deserves it's own spotlight. Shine a light on that shit and maybe start a conversation.

Today I got an email from my publisher telling me that Kobo had banned my book, Child of Destiny, because it contains dubious consent. I get it, some things you just don't want to face.
It's still available on amazon, iTunes, Barnes and Noble, Google Play and Smashwords.

Join the conversation.

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