Wednesday, 15 June 2016

Let Me Educate You

I don't care about +Gigi Hadid and/or +Zayn Malik. Like seriously, not even a little bit. But +E! News keeps acting like I care whether they're together or not and giving me updates on what's happening. I can't help knowing. So apparently Gigi wants to be an excellent girlfriend but Zayn is acting all uncommunicative and shit. "Her friends are telling her to leave him alone", but Gigi wants to get back with him if he would just behave.
 In spite of She's Just Not That Into You (or was it he?) we still insist on telling ourselves stories don't we? We like to tell ourselves that these guys are misunderstood, or they don't know what they're doing or they just need someone to love them enough or they're sad. Whatever pathetic story you need to tell yourself to justify hanging on to some guy who is treating you like shit, who knows he's treating you like shit. And doesn't care because treating you like shit works. It keeps you on your toes, always looking for ways to please him; to find +DJ Khaled's magic key to happiness if only you just persist. If only you don't abandon him to the cruel world which has made him like he is. If you just persevere.

Do you mind if I laugh?
Just a little bit, not a lot.
Now back to Zayn Malik. He's a bad boy. The genuine article. Not a +Chris Brown bad boy who is really just an immature gentleman with no impulse control and a bevy of women willing to throw themselves at him. No.
That kind of boy just needs a strong woman who will take away his phone, tell him to shut up, sit down and behave.
Nor is he a bad boy like +Columbus Short who is just really some guy with mental health issues and poor decision making abilities.
Zayn Malik is the real thing. He chooses the girl because she's 'nice', she wants to be needed, she wants to be loved. And then he pullllaaaayyys her like a violin. He does this thing where when he's present, he's super attentive, he holds her hand, he introduces her to his friends, he makes her believe she's the only one he can talk to about his troubles. He lays his head on her breast and lets her comfort him...
Then he fails to return her texts. He disappears for days at a time or weeks, or months. He goes quiet.
She's left anxious.
What's wrong?
What did I do?
What can I do to make it better?
While he sits and watches her anxiety levels ratchet up; just waiting for the right time to swoop in and be the perfect boyfriend again.

It's all you making a hundred percent of the effort, a hundred percent of the time. And you don't even realize it because you're too busy wondering what you did wrong.
Listen to me.
I'm a savage.
The real deal.
So I know how these minds work.
I watch them, I shake my head and I move on.
But then I realized recently that just because I learned how bad boys operate doesn't mean that everyone does. Some people still go on believing in these games waay into middle age.
I write romance stories; and when I can, I try to make the guy as realistic as possible. Leo is a guy you can meet in the streets. He's flawed, he's immature, he's selfish...but that's not all there is.
It's maybe possible to connect for real with the bad boy.
But only if you don't play his games.
Ask Mya.
The irony is that you can only win if you don't play and you can't play at not playing. You honestly have to mean it. You can't pretend disinterest, you actually have to be disinterested. It's the bitter irony of dealing with bad boys. You can't win, unless you actually don't want to play.
My suggestion is, be happy and stick to your weight class. If you're a nice girl, look for a nice boy who will treat you right, always remember your birthday and want to meet your mama.
Leave the bad ones to Erykah Badu. She knows when to call Tyrone.


Winnie Nduta said...

Something just clicked in my mind... Do you base your character off of people in your real life. Like, people I know too??

Winnie Nduta said...

Like, all the characters in your books

Winnie Nduta said...

Like, like

Annemarie Musawale said...

Well I wouldn't say so. I think my characters are mostly cannibalised versions of me if they are anyone at all. The thing with bringing a character to life is being able to understand them and their motivations. I don't know that I understand anyone else enough to do that.